STATUS: Tech troubles yesterday. Sorry for the blog silence. I left the office thinking I’d do it from home. Internet was down.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME? By Culture Club
(okay, I can never hear this song without thinking about the Adam Sandler movie The Wedding Singer)
Don’t worry! I hadn’t lost sight of lending a hand with queries. As promised, here is yet another original query letter from one of my clients. Kristina was a current client referral so certainly had a leg up in terms of my attention. However, she also sent a darn good query letter, and so there isn’t any controversy, she did not have Sherry Thomas’s help in the writing of [at least not that I’m aware of].
Here’s the letter without comments for your reading pleasure:
Dear Ms. Nelson,
I’m a friend of the hilarious and fun Becky Motew, and she suggested I contact you about my novel, REAL LIFE AND LIARS. Here’s a brief description.
As a wilted flower child, Mira Zielinski has never been one to follow orders. Not from her husband, not from her boss – not even from her oncologist. Mira has her own idea about handling her newly diagnosed breast cancer, and it does not involve hopping up on the operating table. Her grown children will no doubt object — when she gets around to telling them.
As they come home for the big anniversary party, her kids harbor some secret trials. Ivan’s lifelong desire to be a songwriter is withering on the vine after years of futility, and youngest child Irina will walk in the door with a surprise groom, though she’s already looking for the escape hatch in her shiny new marriage. As for Katya — let’s just say that it would be a relief if her husband’s big secret were just the affair she suspects. As these secrets come to light, will they shake Mira’s resolve?
I’d love to send part or all of REAL LIFE AND LIARS, complete at 83,000 words. I’m a freelance journalist and published short story writer, plus I’m the co-editor for fiction at the e-zine Literary Mama, named one of Forbes’ “Best of the Web”. My short story credits include Cimarron Review, Net Author’s E2K and Espresso Fiction. I served as a judge for the 2007 Carrie McCray Literary Awards in the short fiction category.
Besides your blog and Becky’s recommendation, I’m also familiar with you as a member of Backspace, where I post (not as frequently as I’d like) as simply “Kris.” I’ll paste my opening few pages below. Thanks for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristina Riggle
The commented version:
Dear Ms. Nelson,
I’m a friend of the hilarious and fun Becky Motew, and she suggested I contact you about my novel, REAL LIFE AND LIARS. Here’s a brief description.
As a wilted flower child, Mira Zielinski has never been one to follow orders. I just love the line “wilted flower child” so just that turn of phrase has caught my interest. I’m really paying attention. Not from her husband, not from her boss – not even from her oncologist. A women who doesn’t take orders. I’ve got good insight into this character and the ‘oncologist’ at the end there is an attention grabber. Mira has her own idea about handling her newly diagnosed breast cancer, and it does not involve hopping up on the operating table. Interesting! Her grown children will no doubt object — when she gets around to telling them. This is a unique twist on the conflict. Why wouldn’t she tell them is my first thought. And then I like the phrasing again, “around to telling them.” There’s a certain relaxness that’s unexpected here given the cancer diagnosis. I’m intrigued with the character of Mira.
As they come home for the big anniversary party, her kids harbor some secret trials. Ah…. Mira’s issue is going to be further conflicted by what’s happening in the family. I’m a sucker for family stories. Ivan’s lifelong desire to be a songwriter is withering on the vine after years of futility, and youngest child Irina will walk in the door with a surprise groom, though she’s already looking for the escape hatch in her shiny new marriage. “escape hatch in her shiny new marriage” Dang, that’s intriguing writing so I’m going to be asking for the full—no doubt. As for Katya — let’s just say that it would be a relief if her husband’s big secret were just the affair she suspects. I’m hooked. Let me see it! What could be worse than an affair? And interesting that the announcement of an affair would be a relief to this Katya character. As these secrets come to light, will they shake Mira’s resolve? Hey, I want to know!
I’d love to send part or all of REAL LIFE AND LIARS, complete at 83,000 words. I’m a freelance journalist and published short story writer, plus I’m the co-editor for fiction at the e-zine Literary Mama, named one of Forbes’ “Best of the Web”. My short story credits include Cimarron Review, Net Author’s E2K and Espresso Fiction. I served as a judge for the 2007 Carrie McCray Literary Awards in the short fiction category. Nice tight bio. Kept to the details that would be important to her career as a writer.
Besides your blog and Becky’s recommendation, I’m also familiar with you as a member of Backspace, where I post. Thanks for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristina Riggle
Great example of a bio. Keep it about career. And a good example of how writers should work on publishing credits while they are waiting to hear about queries.
Nice query… but from someone whose mother died from breast cancer because she was determined not to hop on the operating table… and who didn’t “get around” to telling anyone for four YEARS after she found the lump… well… let’s just say I found it something other than interesting that the woman didn’t want surgery, and I winced when she didn’t tell her grown children.
I share this because it highlights a further consideration when marketing a book. For a story like this, and for many of us, the author/agent/marketing department will have to somehow slip past many painful memories in order to get us to suspend belief that a story like this could really be as fun as this query’s voice makes it sound. In fact, I’m really not sure how you’d do it, unless it had a big pink ribbon on the front and a portion of proceeds would go to breast cancer (telling us that the author really cares). Or unless we could be convinced that the author honestly knew what it was like to deal with breast cancer, and wrote this story as one of humor and hope for those who so desperately need it.
Excellent query. Thanks for sharing, Kristin! I’d read that for sure.
Kathleen brought up a very valid point about the cancer issue. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer about a year and a half ago. He had surgery and is fine now, but the memories of that event are still raw for our family.
Even if the tone of the story is kept lighthearted, it could be hard to pull off a story with this angle. It’s a difficult line to walk, especially since breast cancer in particular is so widespread. You run the risk of either helping people to find the humor in a painful situation or turning them off to the story completely.
That said, I love Kathleen’s idea of donating proceeds from the book to breast cancer research. I think that would offset any potential offense from a story like this.
Were Kristina and Courtney the two new clients from last year? I find it interesting that they both came as referrals. That just shows how important it really is to befriend your fellow authors!
Coming from someone whose mom was diagnosed with breast cancer less than two years ago, I LOVED this query. I agree with Kathleen’s point re: the seriousness of the disease, but I think it’s so important to find humor whenever and wherever possible – especially when you’re sick. My guess is Kristina does have familiarity with the trials and tribulations of cancer. She’ll have to let us know if my hunch is right.
Besides the cancer issue, I am hereby aspiring to write a query as good as this. What an amazing piece of writing!
As a huge fan of the Debutante Ball this book has been on my “can’t wait to read it list” for a few months. I can see why the query caught your eye.
I liked it! There was the feeling that she was very relaxed about everything, even the cancer, but that that relaxation was going to crumble over the course of the book. I agree with those who commented above me– a lovely piece of writing, and an admirable query.
Can’t wait for this book to come out!
I love that she looks at this with humor and even though many are hurt by cancer, I’ve lost my father in law, a sister in law, a brother in law, and my grandmother, I tend to look for the good, for something to smile about. This query made me smile.
I’m sure the book will too.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
Kristin,
I am enjoying your lending hand on querying very much, finding the posts incredibly helpful to something painfully difficult for me. I am curious if you would be willing to discuss successful memoir queries and any differences that might exist from the fiction queries you have been generously sharing. I admit to being a rather new reader of your blog (though I have voraciously scoured the archives) but I don’t believe you have covered successful memoir queries yet. (Though I learned loads from the week of blogs dedicated to the memoir posted June ’07.) Perhaps there is no significant difference and I’m unfortunately further from my goal than I fear. Any clarity will be greatly appreciated!
Gratefully,
Jen
I have read the book and I certainly didn’t get the sense of any trivializing of a serious subject. It was sensitively portrayed and the research was solid.
Eliza Graham
Out of morbid curiosity, I’ve noticed that the last two queries have been from authors who were recommended by current clients. I guess the question is, are many of us doing it wrong and should start trying to buddy up to authors who are currently signed with agents? Or are there successful queries from authors who came “right off the street” in the first place?
Note: Hopefully the tone of these questions isn’t taken as negative. Like I said, it’s just curiosity on my part…
Good morning! Kristina Riggle checking in.
Thanks everyone, for coming by to comment. I extend my sympathy to those who have lost loved ones, or suffered through a diagnosis and treatment themselves, or with loved ones. I won’t pretend to be a cancer survivor, but yes, cancer has touched my family.
To Anonymous who wondered if Courtney and I are the two clients from 2008…nope, I was the last client aboard in 2007.
Ashton, don’t draw too many conclusions from these last two queries Kristin highlighted. I know many authors who were discovered in the slush pile with no introductions at all. It’s certainly not imperative to have a referral. Also, I didn’t “buddy up” to Becky! She and I were friends long before I was querying for this novel. If you hang out with writers (in real life or in cyberspace) genuine friendships will evolve, same as in any business.
Good luck to all!
Thank you for posting this excellent query. Pointing out the reasons it caught your attention helps show us how personalizing a pitch can make all the difference–along with having a stellar story.
Kudos to Kristina Riggle!
Lis’Anne
It seems to me the trick is to write a query that reflects the book, in tone and style, as well as giving a good idea what the book is about. I think so many of us stumble over queries just because that’s a lot harder to do than it sounds.
I hope my comment didn’t sound all negative. I wanted to highlight two extreme opposing reactions that people might get reading blurbs or cover copy.
Kristina, thank you for your sympathy, and I extend mine for whatever you’ve been through. A book that deals with this sensitive issue, yet offers the medicinal power of humor would be a wonderful thing indeed! The best of everything to you!
I have to echo the question from AstonWest. I was thinking the same thing. While this query was great, it seems to be yet another one from someone with connections and credits. What about the masses of us that don’t know anyone, can’t afford to take off work and fly across the country to go to a conference to meet anyone (oh, but I’d love to!) and haven’t won any awards for our writing yet. I’d love to see a winning query letter from someone like that. Someone like many of us can relate to. Those are the authors that have to get creative and that’s what I’d love to learn from. Thanks!
Ashton [sic], don’t draw too many conclusions from these last two queries Kristin highlighted. I know many authors who were discovered in the slush pile with no introductions at all. It’s certainly not imperative to have a referral. Also, I didn’t “buddy up” to Becky! She and I were friends long before I was querying for this novel. If you hang out with writers (in real life or in cyberspace) genuine friendships will evolve, same as in any business.
Indeed, I’ve developed many friendships with a number of writers over the years. My comment was not made to belittle the importance of developing friendships with other writers. My apologies if you took it as a slight, as that was not my intent.
But so far, the only queries we’ve seen (as Sharla just pointed out) have been from one of Kristin’s current clients giving the “you would love this” nod to her. I’d like to see one that caught her attention straight out of the gate, since I have a feeling that’s where the vast majority of us are coming from.
I agree with Kathleen about the rawness of the cancer element as it seems to be presented in this story. It would not appeal to me. I feel like I’ve seen this whole “family full of angst gathers for big event and all the secrets spill out” plot before in a movie or three.
I knew no one. No one. Until Kristin called to represent me, that is.
-Ally Carter
Thank you, Kristin (and Kristina), for sharing this query. Although this is my first post, I have been reading this blog for awhile now and I think that adding these two queries with the other seven or eight that are posted on the site creates a nice mix of examples.
As for Mira’s motivation for not telling her children about her CA, I’ll tell you that from personal experience, everybody has to find his/her own way to deal with it. I don’t know if this has anything to do with Mira’s reason but I found telling people that I had NHL was very difficult. For one thing, the more times you say it, not only is it more real, but it’s like getting slapped in the face with the bad news once again. Secondly, once people know, regardless of their best intentions, they treat you differently (and that gets tiresome very quickly). Enough on that, though.
Although I am now in full remission and finished with treatment, life is not yet normal enough for me to sit down and read any book dealing with CA for fun. Despite this fact, I would also like to say that this is the first such book that has sparked my interest and I do intend to read it at some point. I like the fact that Mira sounds fiercly independent and very strong. And I have to agree with Debra that humor can be great medicine (if only for the psyche) when a person is seriously ill. I know it was for me. Thanks again for sharing.
Hmm. Well, I guess it goes to show you that we all have different tastes. I agree that she wrote a succint bio and didn’t spend too much time telling every single detail of her story. But…BLEH. Didn’t sound interesting to me. Pretty real character, just not that interesting. Kindof formulaic. If that one husband turns out to be gay, then it really IS formulaic. Got one of everything in there.
I just find it interesting that some are dying to read this is all. I like some escapism..this sounds too much like Real Life. I suppose she has a good title! 🙂
Sharla, what’s to stop you getting publishing credits for writing short stories?
As far as getting to know other writers and (possibly) eventually getting referred to agents, you NEED to get to know other writers for lots and lots of reasons. You don’t need to do it via conferences. Join an online site like the excellent Backspace.
Good luck!
Eliza Graham
Thanks, Ally, for popping in. It’s nice to hear that a successful (and best selling!) author did it all without a referral! I was beginning to feel a bit discouraged, since I haven’t been fortunate enough to befriend published authors (mostly because I work in a very demanding field that requires lots of travelling, and my free time is spent writing!). I realize, of course, that even if you do have someone to give you a leg-up, you still have to have a great book and stellar query like Kristina’s to land the agent. So, congrats to you, Kristina!
And Ally, I adore your books!! Can’t wait for the next one!
I am not a client of Kristin’s (nor a bestselling author), but I too got an agent and publishing deal without knowing a single person in the industry and with no other credits to my name. I can definitely give you a list of other authors like me as well. I know it can seem at times as if the only people getting published are people with a “leg up”, and maybe some of the queries analysed here seem to suggest that is the case, but it truly isn’t.
You really can be a nobody and still get an agent and publishing deal. Just remember what they said in Galaxy Quest: Never give up, never surrender!
I think this query is pretty well done. I don’t know where, but I’ve come across this query before. Weird, maybe Absolute Write?
Good job to the author and best of luck.
LOL Ellie! Oh believe me, I do try to get publishing credits, just haven’t had anything accepted yet. Notice the “yet”! I’m trying. (fingers crossed)
And I am on AbsoluteWrite and Backspace, so I have befriended many writers, but none I can put in a query. Different genres, most aren’t agented either, and those that are have agents that don’t represent what I write.
I wasn’t, by any stretch, complaining about myself, I’m doing all I can and I know that, I was only trying to make the point that it would be helpful to see more examples of authors like the majority of us. Like Adrienne, maybe?? 🙂
This is a fantastic example. Thank you, and thank you Kristina Riggle.
Seeing your comments in the letter is very helpful for a learner like myself. Thank you! Nice blog too.
I can identify with both the humor and the pain. Some years ago Mom was diagnosed and kept it to herself until the disease had metastasized and she couldn’t hide it anymore. She was a control freak who went a tad bit too far. Even after two decades, it still hurt that she couldn’t trust us.
But I also recall her joking about losing her gray hairs (along with the red ones) while under chemo: “There are compensations to everything!”
I’d read this book. Yeah, it might hurt, but I’m not afraid. Good query.
This query has a wonderful voice. I wish Kristina all the best with her novel.
As for the who-you-know thing: A published author kindly referred me to her agent, and he requested the full ms. But then he sent me a rejection letter. I also cold-queried about 20 other agents (no referrals), and I signed with one of them. (I don’t have an impressive bio, either.)
I think the who-you-know can certainly help, but it won’t lead to an offer unless the agent loves your book.
Sign me up! I’m intrigued.
Nuts! Not out until June? How can you do this to us?
🙂
Hi Kristina
This is great help – thanks. The only sad part is that i read this after sending you my query. I can improve it in light of the above, but I wonder if that will help, as you wold have read it by then any way!!
Anyway – thanks – its a learning!!
Ciao
Deeba