Pub Rants

Category: passing on sample pages

Beginning Writer Mistakes (Take 2)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: First day back in the office after being away is always a bit busy. There’s just a lot of catch up to do.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? WHAT YOU NEED by INXS

Tonight I was reading some sample pages (this time from material requested) and I hit on yet another newbie writer mistake. Actually, I need to clarify. This writing mistake isn’t relegated to just new writers. I see this error happen for seasoned writers as well. Writers who have enough talent on the page to keep me reading for a100 pages or so before I finally give up in exasperation.

Curious as to what it is?

It’s the mistake of telling instead of showing but in the guise of dialogue that seems to revolve around in active scene but if one analyzes what is actually unfolding, there isn’t any real action happening.

In other words, the characters are basically sitting around talking about their past actions or research or a discovery but the reader is getting privy to that information after the fact rather than having the writer write the scene where the discovery is made.

I’ll tell you right now that this is a tough error to spot as dialogue SEEMS to be moving the story forward but if you look closely enough, the dialogue is simply recapping an event or a discovery that happened off stage. Once the writer has fallen into this trap, it’s hard to break from it and ultimately the whole manuscript ends up suffering despite the occasional really fine bright spot or two in the narrative where a scene unfolds as it should.

And I wish I could share actual examples but I can’t. My clients don’t make these kinds of mistakes and the materials I’ve requested are private (proprietary info) and can’t be shared without permission. I can’t imagine too many writers would want to volunteer for that “honor” on this blog.

And will I try and point this out in my letter to the author? Sure but since I’m not going to dissect a scene where this occurs, I’m not sure how helpful my general commentary will be. I can only hope these writers seek external help from critique groups and/or already established writers to pinpoint this pitfall.

It’s definitely a writing foe worth vanquishing!

Beginning Writer Mistakes

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Tonight I’ll be back in Denver and ready to start my week.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? SHAKE IT by Metro Station
(Can you tell I’ve been spending time with a 14 year old?)

Over the course of the year, I often participate in writer conference charity events where the prize is a read by yours truly. In other words, when I read for charity, Sara is not prescreening. Same with certain referrals sent my way.

Since the materials weren’t requested, I’m seeing sample pages from writers of various levels of ability, and with these unscreened pages, I see two very obvious beginning writer mistakes. Both of which could be easily fixed once the problem is pointed out and once the writer gets a little “formal” training regarding the writing process (either through a class or via a good critique group).

Here they are in case anyone reading this blog finds this remotely helpful.

1. The old adage still holds true. Show, don’t tell. In other words, newbie writers will often have a scene and then follow it with an explanation of the scene for the reader. Or, the newbie will simply explain what they want from the scene rather than write the scene well and let the scene speak for itself through character building, setting, and dialogue.

I will often see this in above average sample pages as well—in other words, writers are exhibiting a lot of expertise with a scene and then they can’t resist telling or offering an explanation! But as I mentioned, this is an easy aspect of writing to learn and fix.

2. Problems with dialogue. This issue exists on two levels. One, the newbie writer will include dialogue that doesn’t further the story, help the scene, or explore character. (in other words, the dialogue is pointless). Or two, the writer will have a bit of dialogue (and it can be well executed) and then there is a summary of what the reader should have gotten from the dialogue immediately thereafter.

These two issues will mark the writer as a newbie every time and with a little instructive teaching, can be tackled and resolved. As an agent, I don’t have time to go through and mark the manuscript to point this out. My assumption is that these key writing skills should be learned before querying the agent. It’s just a pass—sometimes with a comment referring to this but most often not.

In A Positive Light

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I’m very upbeat today. I worked on finishing up two contracts and a submission (for a novel I’m super excited about). It just gets the blood flowing.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? SANDY by John Travolta (Grease Soundtrack)

Since I’m in such a good mood, this seems cool to share.

Last night I read 6 sample page requests (out of 45 that I have in my queue—yikes—I’m behind as you can tell).

I sent a personal note with each response though. I could have just sent off our standard reply but I didn’t. So it happens and I’m really making an effort to include something personal—even with sample pages.

I also read 180 queries on Sunday night. Several of which weren’t addressed to me. That was an accident on the sender’s part but I’ll tell you right now that I chuckled, realized everyone is human and mistakes happen, and just read the query like it was addressed to me. Several were NOs but one did catch my interest so I asked for sample pages despite the addressing snafu.

And here are some kudos to Sara. I know that she doesn’t immediately nix a query if a writer has sent more than what we have asked for and when we receive queries for a genre we don’t represent, Sara usually just replies mentioning so instead of sending the “standard” letter.

Also, and I know this because I’ve seen the return replies, Sara will give writers a second chance if they attach their query letter to an email instead of sending it in the body of the email. She just asks them to resend instructing them to cut and paste it into the email itself.

That seems to me that we are going above and beyond… and please, if you have received no response from us on a query or on sample pages, please email us again to ask about the status. We do respond to everything but that doesn’t mean every email actually goes through.

And as last resort, occasionally writers will call to follow up and Sara is always pleasant and helpful.

So hopefully that lifts your mood a bit too.

The Personalized Rejection Letter

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Heading out of the office soon to do some reading at home. One of these days I will actually be caught up and then my clients won’t know what to do with me…

What’s playing on the iPod right now? I’D RUN AWAY by The Jayhawks

Since we are talking about personalized letters and because somebody brought up the Brenda Novak auction in the comments, I just want to say here that my auction item is a read & critique within 24 hours.

What that means is that whoever wins will be sending me the first 30 to 50 pages of their novel. I’m not just going to read it and give a response (which is kind of how it reads on the auction item now). I’m going to read it and edit it in track changes just like I do for my clients. I should tell Brenda to update my listing about that. This is an in-depth edit—probably more than anybody would want but they are getting it anyway!

And I’m going to be brutally honest yet encouraging. I did this last year and I’m excited to do it again this year.

And I’m going to be dropping everything to nail that 24-hour deadline. (Oh please let me be caught up by the end of May so my clients don’t hate me forever!).

But back to my personalized letters. I want the writer to know that I did actually read the manuscript or a good portion of it (as I don’t always read to the end). With that in mind, I will often reference scenes or characters or plot elements in the story to demonstrate my knowledge of it. This is one of the reasons why it can take 20 to 30 minutes to write it. Even if I’m going with the “it’s just not right for me” or “I didn’t fall in love,” I still try and highlight a scene that resonated with me or was interesting so the writer KNOWS that I did read; it’s not just a stock response (even if I’m using some “stock” phrases).

Personalizing takes time.

The Danger of Honesty

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Ready for sleep.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? FERNANDO by Abba

The other day I was reading a full manuscript that I had requested. I had read a good 100 to 150 pages and I knew I wasn’t going to take on the project. Now, whenever I read a full (or in this case, part of a full), I always create a personal letter to the author in reply.

The difficulty for this one is that I really weighed how honest I should be in the letter for why I was passing.

Now I imagine that most of you would say, “why did you hesitate! Be honest!” But here is the difficulty on why agents sometimes pull back on the big H.

1. When I’m reading, it’s often clear why it’s not right for me but I can often see why it might be right for somebody else with a different perspective or taste. So, is there a point to my being honest on why I personally am passing when I can see a potential value in the manuscript? Is that simply being discouraging rather than helpful?

Now, most times I will take the time to try and articulate why I’m passing while also including a caveat that it might be right for someone else. Sometimes that feels like a cop-out.

2. When I’m reading, it’s often not clear why a manuscript isn’t working for me. It just isn’t. Usually if I talk aloud to Sara about why I’m passing, I’ll often pinpoint the issue and then I’m able to articulate it in a letter to the author. Lots of times I’m flummoxed as to the “why” and then gosh darn, I’ve got to figure out something to say in the personal letter. That’s usually when I resort to the “I just didn’t fall in love” bit—which I know writers hate but seriously, I’m not trying to be obtuse. Sometimes I really don’t know why something isn’t working for me.

3. When the day is hectic and a contract is screaming to be finished and I’m behind on queries (and writers want a response—any at all) and fires are erupting, it’s truly hard to take the time to sit down and personalize a letter. I always do it but you writers should know that a personal letter can easily take 20 to 30 minutes to write. When you are working 12+ hour days, that 20 minutes is a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I’m ashamed to admit that I sometimes long for that “standard” letter that I can send out.

4. Personal letters are hard to write. And here’s the thing I hate the most. I’m a perfectionist but sometimes there is not enough time to proofread and yes, I’ve had egg on my face when I’ve reread an email letter I’ve sent out and there on the electronic page is a glaring typo. Oy! I took the time to personalize and then I look like an idiot on top of it. The writer is probably glad I passed on offering representation! Nothing worse than working in the biz and sending out a hurried, grammatically incorrect letter. Sigh. That also makes me long for the “standard” reply. That can at least be pre-checked.

5. This doesn’t happen too often but once in a great while I honestly can’t think of anything positive to say in a response letter for a full I’ve requested. What happened there? Obviously I read sample pages and liked it but there are times where I’ve thought, “what the heck was I thinking for requesting this one?” As I said, it rarely happens but when it does, boy is the honest, personal letter a struggle.

Probably not much comfort for you folks out there in the trenches but it’s the truth.

Spend Time In Company?

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s hard to get back into the swing of things. This long weekend just has me looking forward to next month’s big holiday break!

What’s playing on the iPod right now? I FEEL THE SAME by Bonnie Raitt

I had an interesting thought over the weekend. Just one though. Kidding. I had read a sample pages submission right before leaving for vacation and I have to say that the work kind of stayed with me.

That’s usually a good sign. If I find myself thinking about a manuscript, then I know it’s caught my interest. But this time I was thinking about those sample pages for a different reason. You see, I just loved the writing. I thought the author was top-notch but I ended up passing on seeing the full novel.

Sounds crazy until I explain a bit about why. When I’m torn about a request, I’ll often try and articulate aloud why something isn’t a clear “yes” for me.

For this project, I ended up asking myself this one question: I’m going to devote hours to reading this novel and do I really want to spend time in this main character’s company?

The answer ended up being “no” which is why I passed.

So then that got me thinking. There are different reasons to want to spend time in a character’s company and it doesn’t always mean that the main character has to be likable or nice. The character could be darkly fascinating (DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER comes to mind). It can be something I can’t articulate but draws me into the story (like the character is quirky, self-destructing, yet perversely likable). Maybe I adore the character and can’t wait to see what unfolds. I could answer this question in a dozen different ways.

But when I find myself liking the writing but finding that I’m not all that engaged in the main protagonist, there’s no way to “fix” that—and ultimately it’s probably something that shouldn’t be fixed because it might end up being another agent’s perfect cup of tea.

Does that make sense?

Prickly Protagonists Part II

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Today felt like a Monday. I had one task that I absolutely needed to accomplish and it hasn’t happened yet.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? TENDERNESS by General Public

It should have occurred to me yesterday that I hadn’t mentioned the genres for the two projects I shopped with prickly protagonists.

One was literary fiction not unlike The Confederacy Of Dunces but with a female protagonist.

And I’m not kidding when I say that the author and I talked about the fact that if she had been a male writer with a male protag, we probably could have sold it. Yeah. Don’t get me started on that.

The other project was commercial mainstream (with a leaning towards women’s fiction) because the story was told by three female narrators of wildly varying ages (so untraditional in that sense).

And trust me, I’m not confusing an unlikeable character with an unlikeable action. In a lot of sample pages I see, they are one and the same.

I personally adore complicated characters so what I am saying is that I’ve got to love the novel a lot to take the risk since it has been such a hard sell. I think a good question to ask is this: if this character was alive and a real person, would I want to spend time in his or her company?

If the answer is yes, then I’ll take a chance and damn the torpedoes (so to speak). If the answer is no, well then, there you have it.

Prickly Protagonists

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I worked hard on a contract today. That always requires my undivided attention.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? DIAMONDS ON THE SOULS OF HER SHOES by Paul Simon

I have to admit that as a reader, I’m often drawn to stories that have a hard-to-love main protagonist. I find the growth of that character’s story arc fascinating and so worth discovering.

Unfortunately, editors aren’t agreeing with me. I’ve shopped two manuscripts this year that had, shall we say, not so huggable main narrators and haven’t found a home for either project.

Main feedback from the editors? Main character was unsympathetic or too hard to like.

And then you wonder how something like Emily Giffin’s Something Borrowed becomes big. For me, the writer accomplished the near impossible—a character who has done something despicable yet still maintains the reader’s sympathy. Not an easy thing to accomplish and shows the strength of the writer.

So now I’m pretty reluctant as of late to take a chance on a novel with a tough main protagonist. Just today I passed on sample pages that were beautifully written but alas, had this fault in the main character.

And yes it probably does mean I’m lacking in courage but when you get shot down too many times, you gotta take a break from it.

So don’t rule me out completely but know that I’m hesitating on those prickly protagonists.

Cereal Killers

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: The International Date Line just fascinates me. See, right now it’s about twenty after noon on Saturday here in Auckland but in Denver, it’s 6:22 p.m. on a Friday night. So am I blogging on the weekend or not?

What’s playing on the iPod right now? DANCING IN THE DARK by Bruce Springsteen

I love the gals who organized that RWNZ conference but boy, it was brutal getting up early so I could do the 7 a.m. aptly named workshop called Cereal Killers. I’m pretty positive I killed the appetite of anyone who attended.

This is one of those tough workshops where attendees can submit the first 2 pages of their manuscript and I treat all the entries as if I were reading my slush pile. The point is to give the attendees an inside look at how an agent thinks and reads.

It’s voluntary and I give big kudos to all who participated but this type of workshop can be brutal. I actually try and strike the balance between being honest and being constructive with my comments. Sounds easy but it’s not.

This time I was smart. I gave everyone the “this workshop is not for the faint of heart” warning before it began. No one ran screaming out the door—either before or after the workshop so I might have succeeded.

Interestingly enough, today really crystallized a couple of reasons why I might pass on asking for a full manuscript. I haven’t really articulated these points before and thought they might be worth sharing.

I’ll pass on sample pages if

1. the author is intruding on the story by giving a recap of what the characters are thinking and feeling when that info is already clear via the scene and dialogue that proceeded it.

2. the author needs to significantly tighten the writing by combining sentences to better detail the action.

3. the author utilizes description that’s not natural to the scene unfolding.
(The example today was that a character had to force her hand away from her mouth. So think about it for a moment. Literally (in the physical sense), someone else can force your hand away but you wouldn’t really do so on your own.)

4. the author has a character whose thoughts and actions are incongruent to the scene unfolding.
(And I don’t mean this in terms of satire where that construct is often deliberate. I mean when it is unintentionally done and it simply creates reader confusion on how to interpret the scene or the character’s motive.)

Watch That Over-Telling

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: For it be close to 100 degrees here in Denver is just downright unnatural. Don’t even get me started about global warming. If you haven’t seen AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, you should.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? COOL CHANGE by Little River Band (appropriate, isn’t it?)

I’m finally getting back to reading my sample pages inbox. I know. I’m way behind. But I’ve been noticing an interesting writing trend that I thought I would share with my blog populace.

Some writers have an annoying habit of restating (via a thought their main character has) what has already been made apparent by the scene or the dialogue.

For example, let’s say that two characters are having an angry exchange in a spot of dialogue. Then the writer will write something right after that reads, “Jane could tell that John was angry.”

I’m making this up as you can tell but the premise is sound. The “not nice” part of me wants to say, “Well, duh. You just showed me that through the dialogue that’s on the page. You shouldn’t have to tell me that the character has figured out that the other person is angry.”

So, I’m just asking you be on the look out for this in your own writing and delete any extraneous telling that might hinder your story.

Just this bit of tightening can make a HUGE difference.