Pub Rants

Category: Query Letters

Kristina Riggle’s Query

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Tech troubles yesterday. Sorry for the blog silence. I left the office thinking I’d do it from home. Internet was down.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME? By Culture Club
(okay, I can never hear this song without thinking about the Adam Sandler movie The Wedding Singer)

Don’t worry! I hadn’t lost sight of lending a hand with queries. As promised, here is yet another original query letter from one of my clients. Kristina was a current client referral so certainly had a leg up in terms of my attention. However, she also sent a darn good query letter, and so there isn’t any controversy, she did not have Sherry Thomas’s help in the writing of [at least not that I’m aware of].

Here’s the letter without comments for your reading pleasure:

Dear Ms. Nelson,

I’m a friend of the hilarious and fun Becky Motew, and she suggested I contact you about my novel, REAL LIFE AND LIARS. Here’s a brief description.

As a wilted flower child, Mira Zielinski has never been one to follow orders. Not from her husband, not from her boss – not even from her oncologist. Mira has her own idea about handling her newly diagnosed breast cancer, and it does not involve hopping up on the operating table. Her grown children will no doubt object — when she gets around to telling them.

As they come home for the big anniversary party, her kids harbor some secret trials. Ivan’s lifelong desire to be a songwriter is withering on the vine after years of futility, and youngest child Irina will walk in the door with a surprise groom, though she’s already looking for the escape hatch in her shiny new marriage. As for Katya — let’s just say that it would be a relief if her husband’s big secret were just the affair she suspects. As these secrets come to light, will they shake Mira’s resolve?

I’d love to send part or all of REAL LIFE AND LIARS, complete at 83,000 words. I’m a freelance journalist and published short story writer, plus I’m the co-editor for fiction at the e-zine Literary Mama, named one of Forbes’ “Best of the Web”. My short story credits include Cimarron Review, Net Author’s E2K and Espresso Fiction. I served as a judge for the 2007 Carrie McCray Literary Awards in the short fiction category.

Besides your blog and Becky’s recommendation, I’m also familiar with you as a member of Backspace, where I post (not as frequently as I’d like) as simply “Kris.” I’ll paste my opening few pages below. Thanks for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Kristina Riggle

The commented version:

Dear Ms. Nelson,

I’m a friend of the hilarious and fun Becky Motew, and she suggested I contact you about my novel, REAL LIFE AND LIARS. Here’s a brief description.

As a wilted flower child, Mira Zielinski has never been one to follow orders. I just love the line “wilted flower child” so just that turn of phrase has caught my interest. I’m really paying attention. Not from her husband, not from her boss – not even from her oncologist. A women who doesn’t take orders. I’ve got good insight into this character and the ‘oncologist’ at the end there is an attention grabber. Mira has her own idea about handling her newly diagnosed breast cancer, and it does not involve hopping up on the operating table. Interesting! Her grown children will no doubt object — when she gets around to telling them. This is a unique twist on the conflict. Why wouldn’t she tell them is my first thought. And then I like the phrasing again, “around to telling them.” There’s a certain relaxness that’s unexpected here given the cancer diagnosis. I’m intrigued with the character of Mira.

As they come home for the big anniversary party, her kids harbor some secret trials. Ah…. Mira’s issue is going to be further conflicted by what’s happening in the family. I’m a sucker for family stories. Ivan’s lifelong desire to be a songwriter is withering on the vine after years of futility, and youngest child Irina will walk in the door with a surprise groom, though she’s already looking for the escape hatch in her shiny new marriage. “escape hatch in her shiny new marriage” Dang, that’s intriguing writing so I’m going to be asking for the full—no doubt. As for Katya — let’s just say that it would be a relief if her husband’s big secret were just the affair she suspects. I’m hooked. Let me see it! What could be worse than an affair? And interesting that the announcement of an affair would be a relief to this Katya character. As these secrets come to light, will they shake Mira’s resolve? Hey, I want to know!

I’d love to send part or all of REAL LIFE AND LIARS, complete at 83,000 words. I’m a freelance journalist and published short story writer, plus I’m the co-editor for fiction at the e-zine Literary Mama, named one of Forbes’ “Best of the Web”. My short story credits include Cimarron Review, Net Author’s E2K and Espresso Fiction. I served as a judge for the 2007 Carrie McCray Literary Awards in the short fiction category. Nice tight bio. Kept to the details that would be important to her career as a writer.

Besides your blog and Becky’s recommendation, I’m also familiar with you as a member of Backspace, where I post. Thanks for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Kristina Riggle

Writing That Dang Query

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I have to say that it’s 7 pm on a Friday night and I’m rather ready to go home.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? MAN IN A SUITCASE by The Police

I have to say that Courtney Milan and her query sparked quite a debate, which took place over at Nathan’s blog. I think battle lines were drawn.

So it seemed like a good idea to highlight a few more thoughts on the query letter and who should be writing it.

Do I think that you should write your own query letter? Yes. Quite simply, I think the writer of the novel should be the writer for the query because hands down, that’s the best person for the job. Voice and all that (which was discussed at length over in the comments section of the debate so no need to add more comment here).

But whether I think this or not is moot because I’m not going to know whether you wrote your own query or not and I’m probably not ever going to ask (unless it suspiciously reads like something that Sherry Thomas would write….)

I do think both Sherry and Courtney brought up some good points. First off, Sherry took a stab at writing it to show Courtney the rhythm of it and what to include for plot points or conflict. And then she quite firmly said that Courtney should use her attempt as a guide only. That really it was better for the pitch to be in Courtney’s voice.

Courtney also chimed in to say that the experience of struggling with the pitch in her query letter was well worth it because it gave her a lot of insight into the manuscript and what may or may not need to be revised in the opening.

I actually heartily agree with is. You know why? Because I’ve given my query pitch workshop at numerous conferences and as you all know, I beat that already dead horse to death again by nattering on about the plot catalyst that starts your novel and how that should be the centerpiece of your pitch.

And you know what I’ve discovered? When workshop participants are forced to figure out what that catalyst is and take a stab at their pitch blurb in the workshop itself, some epiphanies have happened.

For example, in the last workshop I gave (which was at Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers I think), one participant realized (to his dismay) that his plot catalyst was near page 100. Now I don’t know for sure (because I didn’t read his chapters right then and there) but my guess is that he had a lot of backstory that was filling up the opening chapters. Story that a writer needs in his head but probably doesn’t need to be there on the page.

See what I mean? So there is real value in the struggle to write the pitch.

But then here’s an interesting take on this. I know some agents who have their authors write the pitch blurb that the agent will then use in the letter to the editor.

I’ve never done that. I have always written my own pitch blurbs. Now, I certainly do ask for the author to take first stab at it because I want to see what the author perceives as the crux of the story.

If this is a debut author, then the pitch blurb has already been done in the query and I often lift elements from what the author wrote originally when crafting my own letter. You can see this in the Courtney Milan example as I lifted “wardrobe malfunction” straight from the query. That totally made me laugh and I thought an editor would find it funny as well—to have this super contemporary phrasing in a letter about a historical romance novel.

However, if you take a look at Jamie Ford’s original query letter and then my pitch letter to editors [see links in sidebar], wow, quite different.

And yet, in the debate, the emphasis on the author’s voice was really highlighted as being of the utmost of importance as to why the writer should write it him/herself.

Interesting.

Copyeditors at the publishing houses often write their own cover copy for the work—taking nothing from the agent’s pitch letter and they certainly haven’t seen the author’s original query.

Now I have had copyeditors lift direct lines from the copy I’ve written (which really flatters me! I give good copy!) and put it into the back cover or flap copy. Most of the times, not. What they created is wholly new.

No real point here. Just food for thought.

No matter what, I do think you should begin by writing your own pitch blurb as you will learn about your own novel in the process of doing so. Where it goes from there is ultimately up to you but whatever you do, just don’t make it generic.

Editor Letter for Proof By Seduction

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s pretty early in the day so right now, everything is going quite smoothly.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? CLOCKS by Coldplay

I’m totally chuckling after reading Courtney’s blog from yesterday where she shares the query letter outtakes. The moral of the story is this: If you find yourself unable to write a decent query letter, hire Sherry!

Seriously though. Sometimes it is difficult for a writer to write his or her own query. The writer is very close to the material and can’t often see the forest for the trees. If you’ve struggled with the query writing process, I don’t think it’s playing unfair to have another person write the query on your behalf, or with you, or revise it for you. As long as you end up with a strong letter that you believe fully represents your work, I, as the agent, will not ask if you wrote your own query letter. It can be your own deep, dark secret.

The point of the query is to win an agent’s attention and get a request for sample pages. Now, your sample pages have to hold up. The greatest query letter in the world is not going to compensate for unready sample pages.

And if somebody else ends up writing your query, make sure they are good at it!

As promised from yesterday, here’s the letter I sent to Courtney’s editor at Harlequin. As you all may or may not know, agents pitch editors as well. Now Ann Leslie has known me for years so to be quite honest, she would read anything I wanted to submit to her (besides my grocery list that is!).

Still, call me old-fashioned. I never send an editor a project without formally asking if it is okay to do so and I think it’s helpful to have a pitch that orients the editor as he or she begins the read.

So, in this sense, I always pitch editors and as an agent, I have to nail that pitch paragraph just like you have to do in your query letter. Noticed that I lifted several elements from the query that Sherry (ahem, Courtney) had written.

Hello Ann Leslie,

I can hardly believe it myself but I haven’t taken on a romance author in over a year –until now. In fact, I haven’t taken on a historical romance author since Sherry Thomas and oddly enough, it was Sherry who discovered Courtney Milan and sent her my way.

Courtney had won a contest that Sherry was sponsoring on her website and the prize was the reading of her first 30 pages by Sherry. Being the great client she is, Sherry immediately emailed me and said, “You’ve got to look at this author.”

Within a day, I had read and signed Courtney for PROOF BY SEDUCTION and I’m just beyond excited to share this manuscript with you. And yes, I know you are going to kill me because I’m sending you this email right before RWA but hey, both Courtney and I will be there so let me know if you want to meet up.

Set in 1836 London, PROOF BY SEDUCTION is an emotionally complex and beautifully written story (very Sherry Thomas who, by the way, is happy to offer a blurb for the novel’s release). As the outcast bastard daughter of some unknown nobleman, Jenny Keeble earns her living by being one of London’s premier fortune tellers. In this role, she certainly knows all about lies. After all, the fastest way to make money is to tell people what they want to hear. It works–until Gareth Carhart, the Marquis of Blakely, vows to prove what he and Jenny both know: that Jenny is a fraud.

Gareth only wants to extricate Ned, his naïve young cousin and heir, from an unhealthy influence. The last thing the rigidly scientific marquis expects is his visceral reaction to the intelligent, tenacious, and–as revealed by a wardrobe malfunction–very desirable fortune teller. But she enrages him by her “prediction” of his own pending nuptials as a way to prove her ability. She tempts him to look beyond his coldly logical view of the world. She causes him to lose his head entirely and offer a prediction of his own: He’ll have her in his bed before the month is out. The battle lines are drawn. Jenny can’t lose her livelihood or her long-time friendship with young Ned; Gareth won’t abandon scientific logic.

Neither is prepared to accept love.

Courtney Milan is a … [Bio deliberately removed. It was a solid paragraph long.] She is a finalist in the 2008 Golden Heart competition (but not for this manuscript and I’m happy to explain if you are interested).

May I send this your way?

All Best,
Kristin Nelson

Kicking Off The New Year–Courtney Milan’s Query

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: And what a way to begin. I read some sample pages over the weekend and today I requested a full manuscript. Just like that. Let the yearly tally begin!

What’s playing on the iPod right now? ANGEL by Simply Red

And what better way to start the New Year then by helping y’all with that strange and frustrating (but sometimes wonderful) thing called the query letter.

In the past, I’ve done numerous blog entries on the original query letters sent to me by authors who became my clients. [See the side bar: Agent Kristin’s Queries—An Inside Scoop.]

I haven’t done that in quite a while and voila, what better way to kick off the year. So first up is Courtney Milan. Let me give you a little history since this query letter came through via a recommendation from my current client Sherry Thomas.

Basically Sherry had read the opening chapters, loved them, and then sent me an email that I needed to check out Courtney’s work asap. Funny enough, I had gotten the email from Sherry right before a conference where Courtney had already scheduled to meet me in person to give her pitch.

This is pretty rare but based on Sherry’s recommendations and Courtney’s wonderful in-person pitch, I requested the full manuscript right then and there. When she sent us her novel, here is the letter she sent along with it.

I’m sharing because had she simply sent me a query letter with this same info, I would have asked for sample pages and now I’m going to share the ‘why’ of it with you.

My comments in blue.

Dear Ms. Megibow:
I met Ms. Nelson this last weekend at a pitch appointment at the Chicago Spring Fling conference. She had spoken with Sherry Thomas earlier about my historical romance, PROOF BY SEDUCTION. Ms. Nelson asked me to send you the full, which is now attached.

As one of London’s premier fortune tellers, Jenny Keeble knows all about lies. After all, the fastest way to make money is to tell people what they want to hear. [Okay, at first I thought the whole fortune teller angle was a little contrived but she puts a different spin on it with her insight of how well it works in terms of telling people what they want to hear. It struck me right away that this author might be using this plot set up for a different purpose. I was right.] It works–until Gareth Carhart, the Marquess of Blakely, vows to prove what he and Jenny both know: that Jenny is a fraud. [Loved this!]

Gareth only wants to extricate his naïve young cousin and heir from an unhealthy influence. The last thing the rigidly scientific marquis expects is his visceral reaction to the intelligent, tenacious, and–as revealed by a wardrobe malfunction–very desirable fortune teller. [I’m completely won over here. Courtney does a great job of outlining the opening plot catalyst that launches the story (removing the heir from her clutches), of giving character insight (rigidly scientific marquis), and adding an amusing touch with the wardrobe malfunction line. I sense this work is going to be witty and it doesn’t disappoint.] But she enrages him. She tempts him. She causes him to lose his head entirely and offer a prediction of his own: He’ll have her in bed before the month is out. The battle lines are drawn. Jenny can’t lose her livelihood, Gareth won’t abandon logic, and neither is prepared to accept love. [The crux of the conflict neatly explained. Also, her use of the words “enrages,” and “tempts” leads me to think it will be sexy and I kind of like that in historicals.]

I am a finalist in Romance Writers of America’s Golden Heart competition for unpublished romance. I currently work as a lawyer …[bio info deleted by Courtney’s request] My romance writing interests may seem rather different from my daily writing, where I focus on law issues. But all good lawyers are, at heart, just story tellers, and I find the two writing practices balance each other.Please feel free to contact me if you have any additional questions, and thank you for taking the time to consider my manuscript.

Sincerely,
Courtney Milan

This novel plus a second book sold for six figures to Harlequin at auction. Tomorrow I’ll share the submission letter I sent to editors so you’ll see my pitch for this novel. I find that can also lend some insight into the query process.

Words of Wisdom From Julie The Intern (Part II)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I’m off to New York next week so it’s been a little hectic getting prepared for all my meetings.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? TALKING ‘BOUT A REVOLUTION by Tracy Chapman

On Tuesday, Julie handled all of our unsolicited mail. Quite an experience and it inspired her to write this blog entry.

At the Nelson Literary Agency we only accept email. That doesn’t mean you can use email if you feel like it or if you would prefer, it means we only accept email. If you send snail mail you will receive a response, a standard response telling you try again via email.

When snail mail is sent to the Nelson Agency, Kristin will never see it. Only Julie the Intern will before it meets its fate in the recycling bin. I might read some of the letters if I feel so inclined, or if something catches my eye, but don’t bet on it. It wastes paper and does not get you one step closer to reaching your literary dreams. All it does is give me paper cuts. At least I can say I am thoroughly entertained by some of the things we find in the burgeoning stack of mail.

Checks
I’m not entirely sure what the checks are for seeing as we do not charge anything to see queries. What happens to these checks? If the sender has also included a self-addressed envelope it gets sent back. Otherwise, it gets to enjoy the comfort of the paper shredder.

Full manuscripts
I can’t even conceive why people send full manuscripts to us. For one, we don’t accept snail mail, as I have hopefully gotten across. Secondly, query letters, sample pages, or something are customary to send to an agent before you throw a full manuscript on their desk.

Popcorn, DVDs, self-published books, etc.
I’m not sure what the popcorn was for. Of course, I don’t know why we get any of this. If you’re lucky, we might ask for postage money to send books back.

Queries for other agents
We received a letter addressed to Ethan Ellenberg. As far as I know, Ethan Ellenberg isn’t hiding under one of our desk chairs. Make sure to get the address correct for the agent you want to send to.

Handwritten queries
Handwritten queries are unprofessional, enough said.

Words of Wisdom From Julie The Intern

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It feels a little disconcerting to “get back to business” after the historic win last night.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH by Depeche Mode

Over the years, Sara and I have received numerous requests from folks interesting in interning at the agency. Well, we considered ourselves a pretty well-oiled machine (cough)—okay maybe a creaky slow machine—but in other words, we felt like we had our processes down and we didn’t see a good role for an intern.

Until the superintendent of Denver Public Schools called us earlier this summer asking if we’d consider one of their high school students. Now how can we say no to DPS? Both Sara and I believe that it’s our civic duty to teach and mentor young people so for the first time in our history, Nelson Literary Agency took on an intern.

And we are so glad we did. Julie has been wonderful to have these past months and in even better news, she’s willing to share with you blog readers some of things she has learned.

So, in her own words (and not edited by us), here are a couple of blog entries from our intern.

My name is Julie. I’m a high school student doing an internship at the Nelson Literary Agency who hopes to one day be a writer. My time at the agency has been a great learning experience. While I knew I wanted to be a writer for awhile, I was completely clueless as far as the business aspect was concerned. In my naive mind I thought it was as simple as sending in your manuscript to a publishing company and hoping for the best. The literary world is far more complicated. Here are a few rules I have learned through my observations on query letters and sample pages:

Don’t go out of your comfort level. Don’t write about an Alaskan wilderness survivor if you know nothing about Alaska or wilderness survival. The readers interested in your work will be able to tell if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Focus. If your main character has an evil twin who is a time traveling wizard that only gains power by eating muffins baked by her long lost lover’s ghost, that is a lot to digest in one story.

You’re a writer, so write. Writing is the biggest part of the battle, so complete your work. That might seem like a stupid thing to say, but several people that we have asked to see sample pages and even full manuscripts have said they can’t because they haven’t finished. Don’t even worry about going on to the next step if you don’t have your manuscript finished and polished.

Decide what genre your work is, and search accordingly. There are several websites listing agents, but it’s not as simple as sending a query letter to the first one you find. It might take awhile to find an agent that fits what you write, but it’s better to send to five agents who represent your type of book then ten that don’t.

Submission guidelines, need I say more? I can’t count how many query letters we receive that have their own idea as to what should be sent. If the agent wants five sample pages right away, then send them. But never assume one agent wants the same information as another. That goes for sending method, too. If an agent only wants email, only send email. At the Nelson Agency we don’t even look at a query letter if it’s sent by snail mail.

Agents are really helpful, and I’m not just saying that because I work with one. October was big on royalty statements, and if anyone ever has a question to the usefulness of agents, this is the time to prove their worth. Not only are contracts a pain in themselves that an average writer would never know a thing about, royalty statements are the follow up kick in the rear. Agents have to study the statements to ensure their clients are getting what they should be based off of their contract. That means lots of pages with lots of complicated jargon.

What Agents Hate

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: A quiet day because it’s Rosh Hashanah.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? LONG HOT SUMMER by Style Council

I had completely forgotten about this interview that I did for Writer’s Digest ages ago. Chuck Sambuchino had asked a bunch of agents about stuff we hated in queries and sample pages. I whipped something off in an email and sent it right out to him.

I hadn’t thought of it since until today. An agent friend, who thought my blurb was hilarious, quoted me back to myself. Now I’m laughing too because my quote is so true; I do hate this. And I had completely forgotten about it.

If you’re dying of curiosity by now, here it is from yours truly.

“In romance, I can’t stand this scenario: A woman is awakened to find a strange man in her bedroom—and then automatically finds him attractive. I’m sorry, but if I awoke to a strange man in my bedroom, I’d be reaching for a weapon—not admiring the view.”
—Kristin Nelson, Nelson Literary Agency

And here is the link back to the WD site on what other agents hate.

Still chuckling…

Art Of The Agent Search

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I’ve been so busy the last two days that honestly, I simply forgot to blog. Shocking I know. I woke up this morning and slapped my forehead.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? BIG SKY by Kate Bush

Galley Cat just recently posted a fun entry on the Easily Overlooked Art of Agent Research where author David Henry Sterry gives the scoop.

Hum… I’m not sure what to say about the stalking part. Grin. Now I do think writers should have more than 10 possible agents on their submission list but besides that…

Now that’s a good tip on how to target the right agent. Here a few tips on some things that will hinder your agent search. By the way, all of these have just happened in the last few weeks.

1. Telling an agent during your conference pitch session that the agent will be sorry that he or she didn’t allow this writer to pitch his idea for a novel. (Mind you—not a novel that this person has written but an IDEA for a novel).

2. Calling an agent during a busy busy work day and leaving 4 or 5 voicemail messages highlighting that you, the writer, are not computer savvy and since you have questions about submitting, will the agent please call the writer back.

3. A first-time writer asking an agent if he or she can send the half-written first draft of their debut novel. (Gee, what is the likelihood of that being his/her very best work?)

4. A writer sending a note with their submission saying that they thought they should just send along, not what the agent asked for, but chapters 8 and 9 because that’s where the story really picks up.

5. A writer highlighting that they met you, the agent, at a conference that you didn’t actually attend. (Oops.)

6. Writers stating in their queries that were recommended by one of the agent’s clients when they weren’t. (Folks, agents check this and most clients give a heads-up email when doing a referral).

7. Starting an email query with something like “Knowing your expertise with thrillers” and it’s not a genre the agent has represented or handled.

Even Legendary Editors Are Still Learning

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: TGIF!

What’s playing on the iPod right now? HOW SWEET IT IS (TO BE LOVED BY YOU) by James Taylor

I’m running out the door for the weekend (and I’ve got 15 minutes to pack) but an editor friend sent this little note my way:

Del Rey has recently started a big group blog, a sort of a hub for SF/F news and all things geeky; and Betsy Mitchell has been writing a series for it that gives a little bit of insight into the editorial trenches – I thought possibly it might be of interest to your readers? Here’s the most recent post.

It is nice to know that even the legends are still learning.

And I agree. You might want to click around a bit on this blog. Enjoy!

Parlez-Vous Olympics?

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I have to admit, I’m definitely being distracted by the 2008 Olympics. Last night instead of reading queries, sample pages, or doing the editing I was supposed to, I watched Michael Phelps nail the 200m butterfly gold. Folks, I swam swim team my whole life until I was in college (breast stroke and freestyle (aka. front crawl) if you want to know). The butterfly is one dang hard stroke and to do it in that many seconds for 200 meters. Holy cow! The Men’s Gymnastics team bronze wasn’t half bad either.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? The Olympics on TV, duh.

Here’s a thought from the query slush pile. Even if your novel is based on events from your life or were inspired by what you’ve experienced, I still think it’s best to leave that info out of the query itself. For some reason, writers simply cannot relate those details without lapsing into hyperbole.

I do think it’s a pertinent discussion once an agent or editor has expressed interest in the full manuscript after reading sample pages. After all, if spun right in the editorial letter, it can be a plus but writers themselves rarely manage to capture that appropriate balance (maybe because it’s different when an agent says it to the editor versus when writers are talking about themselves).

And when you finally do share that personal detail, keep the narration short and concise. It’s really just on a “need to know” basis. Too many writers are seduced by the melodrama and include every single detail. And even though writing the novel itself might be cathartic, no agent really wants to know that the writing was therapy (if that makes sense).

And in an aside, good agent friend Janet Reid is talking on her blog about going contracts alone. The ten things you need to know (above and beyond everything I talk about in my Agenting 101 entries).