Pub Rants

STATUS: Another beautiful day in Denver. Makes me smile

What’s playing on the iPod right now? ANTICIPATION by Carly Simon

I’ve certainly had my share of electronic snafus lately but I had to chuckle when a person called today because his/her query wasn’t going through.

Sara, being the nice person that she is (sometimes too nice in my opinion) decided to try and help this person.

Basically we discovered that the writer was simply typing the word “query” incorrectly and consequently, the email didn’t go through. Hey, I can sympathize with the number of typos I make.

When dealing with computer issues, my first order of business is to always check all the cords to make sure the equipment is plugged in. Simple, basic, and you pretty much feel like a ninny at being frustrated if something is unplugged.

Still, it’s a good place to start and then go from there.

Same thing with query snafus. Maybe check the spelling first before making what can only be deemed a silly call when it’s just a typing error that’s the culprit.

Don’t worry. We didn’t ask the caller’s name. Anonymity is probably good in this case.

STATUS: Tired. Super late day at the office. The computers transitioned to the new place today so I didn’t have access for most of the day as the network was being reconfigured. Also, I just switched over my blog to Google so there might be some quirks.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? CHASING CARS by Snow Patrol

Sara had to forward this one to me. We got a query that said, and I kid you not, that this writer had had a dream, was convinced that it would make a good book, and would we be interested?

Uh, no.

Makes you wonder what the person was, um, taking right before going to bed.

Still, it does allow me to point out what should be obvious. Complete your manuscript before querying agents (that is unless you are writing nonfiction and then all you need to do is put together a proposal and sample chapters). Memoir can go either way. Sometimes they can sell on proposal but for the most part, it’s like fiction and you need the whole thing to be complete.

STATUS: Wow it’s late but I’m finally getting around to writing this entry from home. Long day.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? DOWNTOWN TRAIN by Tom Waits

Over the weekend, I read about 100 queries (and in case people take notes on this sort of thing, we requested sample pages for 36 out of those 100 queries). That’s actually rather high (so great job on those queries folks). The number is usually around 15 or 20.

But as I was reading all these queries, something became pretty crystal clear to me. I would finish reading the letter and then ask myself, but what is the story?

If I had to ask that question, it was a NO.

So let me expand on what seemed to be the issue. Since I can’t really talk about any one query specifically, all I can point to is general elements.

Most of the queries end up following this structure:

Paragraph 1 describes the setting.
Paragraph 2 highlights the character traits of the main protagonist and who he or she interacts with, and maybe a little bit of his or her back story.
Paragraph 3 details the villain, the love interest, a second protagonist, who they interact with and some back story.

Then there might be some reference to them tackling a conspiracy, an issue, a mystery, or a need to reach a destination (etc.) together.

Now all of the above are great things to have in a query (make no mistake) but ultimately, these details are all set up and don’t answer the question, “but what is the story actually about?”

What is the main conflict that will make this story about these characters worth reading? Be sure that your query letter answers that question. As a reader, we need to know what is at stake. Without it, it’s a lot of frosting but no cake. Now I love frosting as much as the next person but it’s the cake that gives a query substance and is often the deciding factor between a YES or a NO.

So, got conflict?

STATUS: I’m feeling a little bummed. Everyone I know is going to be at World Fantasy in Austin this weekend and did I decide to go this year? Nope. Sigh. I went last year and loved it but the November timing just didn’t work for me. Next year…

What’s playing on the iPod right now? HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY? by Van Morrison

I have to say that, in general, I really like when writers include in their queries what I call author comparables—which means a listing of a maybe two or three already published authors and their comparable books (as in same type of tone, same genre, same audience etc.)

It let’s me know that the writer has contemplated the market and where his or her book is going to sit on the shelves. Readers of these authors will also like what this new writer has to offer. It can be very savvy. It’s an instant context for the agent and hey, that never hurts.

But recently I got a query letter where the writer compared the work being pitched to Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. Now it’s fine to say it’s similar in theme or in the same vein but this writer took it a step further wanted to show how the two differ.

Now this in itself isn’t a bad idea but the writer is now moving into risky territory. Why? Because sometimes it’s hard to talk about what is unique about your book without implying that it might be lacking in Neil’s. (And to even imply that your book might be “better” than Neil’s is pretty ballsy.) Not to mention, the agent might be thinking, “Yep, I know how these two will differ in a big way because how many people in the world can write as well as Mr. Gaiman. Don’t even go there.”

It can backfire.

I actually don’t think that was the query writer’s intent so I didn’t “read” it that way but it takes really careful phrasing in the comparison paragraph to not have it come off that way.

Just heads up that if you are using this approach in your query, proceed with a little caution.

STATUS: I can finally hear out of my left ear! This may not sound amazing but try living without for a week. Anyone talking to me on my left side constantly got an annoying “what?” In other great news? That YA author decided to sign with me. Yea! Welcome aboard.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? SEVEN YEARS by Natalie Merchant

1. Here’s a query with a first sentence that highlights that the heroine loses everything because of addiction, betrayal, and loss of control.

And yet the heroine has a whip-smart comedic tone.

Can’t see how that’s going to be pulled off so it’s a NO.

2. A romantic suspense query. Woman in jeopardy plot outline. Very common so I’m looking for something that will make it stand out. Oops. Phrasing misfires and yes, they do stand out but I was thinking more along the lines of a hook.

We have a “malevolent machinations of an assailant” and “arresting passion that burgeons.”

I’m thinking “malevolent” and “burgeons” probably shouldn’t both be used in the same sentence.

3. A query for a novel that specifically targets the non-reading pre-teen and early teen boys. But it’s 100,000 words.

Eyebrow raise.

4. This writer describes the novel as a romance with historical, thriller, and fantasy elements. It has chick lit elements but is also highly literary.

Folks. No. You cannot label your work everything but the kitchen sink. If uncertain, commercial mainstream can work just fine.

5. In this query, the writer has created an alternate world sans cars as a setting for a romance.

I can’t tell why this story needs to be told in this alternate reality. It should somehow be central to the romance unfolding or why it is needed becomes the big question.

I also read two fantasy YA queries that I literally had to read twice because I couldn’t follow the convoluted plots that were outlined.

And normally, I wouldn’t read it twice (time constraints and all that) but it’s a little late, I was a little tired, and I thought maybe it was me.

Nope. On second reading, the two queries were just as unclear.

I know fantasy query pitches are often the most difficult to capture as you have to sum up the story and the world in a very short bit of space but don’t try to cram too much in. Confusion might be the result.

Happy querying!

STATUS: I have a bad head cold, and I’m so ready for it to be over. Usually I read in the evenings but since I’ve been so tired, I’m asleep by 8 p.m.. Ah, the crazy, wild life of a literary agent.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? WHY DON’T YOU DO RIGHT? By Sinéad O’Connor

And I’m going to blame my bad cold for not being particularly clear in yesterday’s post. It sounded like I have several different form query rejection letters and it’s only for #4 that you get the “although your work sounds intriguing” line.

Nope. I don’t have five different form letters. We can’t. Time-wise it’s just not feasible in terms of responding to 500+ queries a week in a prompt fashion. We can’t expend extra time by toggling through five different letter versions in order to send out the “right” one for any particular query. You guys know this because you read it on every agent blog currently in existence. Our time is spent on current clients and for authors with projects who will actually become our clients. The volume is too overwhelming for anything else.

Think about it. 500 queries a week multiplied by approximately 48 weeks in a year is 24,000 queries.

And out of that, how many new clients does an agent take on?

For me, in a good year, I take on 4 or 5 new clients—and I’m actively looking. Really looking. Like attending conferences, reading lots of partials, and really making myself available to writers kind of looking.

So you can see that sifting through 24,000 queries for 5 clients isn’t overwhelmingly productive.

That means one letter for all queries period. I include the intriguing line because some of the queries we do receive really are intriguing and will totally float another agent’s boat. For the others that don’t really fit into #4, well, we think it’s polite to use that line because our goal isn’t to crush aspiring writers…

We literally don’t have time for anything else.

STATUS: If I were paranoid, I might think the world was conspiring against me to keep me from working. Network down for two days. Sara and I just get into a groove this morning and the power for the entire building went out at 11 a.m. It didn’t come back on until 7 hours later. I guess it just wasn’t my destiny to get a lot accomplished this week.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? SEXUAL HEALING by Soul Asylum (and yes I know it’s a remake but I kind of like this bouncy version)

I hate it but I can still feel guilty when a writer responds to a query letter rejection with a lovely and polite request for more info about what might be wrong with the query since we are declining to ask for sample pages.

The requests usually begin with “If you have a few moments…”

And I have to say that the requester has actually hit the nail on the head. We never have a spare few moments.

Of course y’all are thinking but you have a few moments to write this blog? Why not give this nice lady a little bit of feedback on her query letter that could make the difference between her query getting an agent’s attention or not?

Well, the truth is, it often only takes me a few moments a day to write up an entry. Average time is 15 minutes. Sometimes it takes longer if I’m having some fun with it.

If we responded to all those lovely requests with a query critique, it would take a helluva lot longer than 15 minutes. The amount of queries receive often make responding in general a heroic feat for us (and I never want to be an agency that states that we’ll only respond to email queries that capture our attention since that would drive me crazy if I were a writer and never received a response). We simply haven’t the time to give feedback.

And here’s where my guilt comes in—it’s the Midwesterner in me. When those lovely requests come in, they just get deleted and the poor requester never receives a response from us. I hate that but we can’t take the time to respond to that either.

So, I guess I’m just apologizing en masse if you have sent a request like that to us and never received a response.

I’m just darn happy that we respond to all our email queries in 5 to 10 days usually (when we aren’t having network issues and power outages that is!).

STATUS: Praise be. Finally, a completed contract, ready for client signature, came by FedEx today. By the way, this deal was done in mid-July. Three months. I hate to say it but that’s about normal.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? FADED LOVE by Patsy Cline

I imagine that most writers read their query letters until they are blue in the face before sending. I imagine they also run it by a few trusted readers for feedback before sending (and if you aren’t, time to rethink that). And yet, despite all your good efforts, typos happen, don’t they?

I don’t even want to think about the number of grammar mishaps I’ve had on this blog, so I understand. Don’t worry overmuch about that. It happens and I have to say that most agents are pretty forgiving. We’ll allow a typo or two. It’s just when the English language gets away from a writer that it raises an eyebrow. As agents, we assume you’ve mastered the tools of your trade—like sentences that make sense, or appropriate and powerful images, or even using metaphors and similes correctly.

When you miss, it really stands out so I’m recommending you go back and give your query another close look. Make sure what you wrote conveys the right image or is actually what you meant to say.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, here are some recent examples culled from query letters.

Something sinister is brewing right under Jane Doe’s feet, and it threatens to ruin her– for good.

It’s okay that something sinister is brewing, but I’m just not sure it can happen under her feet.

Soon the two have passion for each other and a romance starts to bloom. And so does a stalker.

I guess a stalker can also start to bloom (which would be a rather innocuous turn of phrase if you think about it), but I’m pretty certain that’s not the tone or sentiment the writer really wanted to convey.

Phrasing misfires is what I call it. And if they are in the query letter, I don’t want to risk reading them in a partial.

Yep, you guessed it. Even if the story idea is sound, that query is getting a NO.