Pub Rants

STATUS: TGIF! And I have some major client reading that I need to accomplish this weekend.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? HEAVEN by Los Lonely Boys

Time for Fantasy. I don’t think I’m going to tackle an epic one today. It’s Friday after all and my brain likes to shut down for the weekend right about now.

But here’s a good example from a novel that I happen to like from fantasy master Lois McMaster Bujold.

THE HALLOWED HUNT
The half-mad Prince Boleso has been slain by a noblewoman he had intended to defile — and Lord Ingrey kin Wilfcliff must transport the body to its burial place and the accused killer, the Lady Ijada, to judgment. With the death of the old Hallow King imminent and the crown in play, the road they must travel together is a dangerous one. And though he is duty-bound to deliver his prisoner to an almost certain death, Ijada may be the only one Ingrey dares trust. For a monstrous malevolence holds the haunted lord in its sway — and a great and terrible destiny has been bestowed upon him by the gods, the damned, and the dead.

Now let’s analyze:

1. The back cover copy is five sentences.

2. The first sentence is exactly what sets the story in motion. A bad dude was killed by a Lady and now she must be transported to face her jugdment.

3. The next sentence gives us the slightly broader picture. A King is about to die and who will inherit is in question. Why that makes the road a dangerous one isn’t that clear but heck, not everything needs to be spelled out. I wouldn’t have minded a bit more info though.

4. With the next sentence, we learn that our hero has got a problem. He has to take the prisoner to her death but she is also the only person he can trust. What comes next pretty much hints at why. Lord Ingrey is possessed by something evil (got have that in fantasy) and that of course has to tie in to some greater destiny.

The last bit taps into the more generic elements of fantasy (I must admit) but the first part is what made me buy this book when I was at Archon in St. Louis and just browsing the bookseller stall.

One thing I do want to point out is that this book is the third in a connected series (The Curse of Chalion and Paladin of souls) by McMaster Bujold so the publisher doesn’t have to work as hard on the cover copy because there are already fans for this author.

If you are writing a debut fantasy, you don’t have that luxury. You have to work harder on your pitch than what the back cover copy does for an established writer.

I do hope that makes sense because I’m done for the day. Have a good weekend.

STATUS: I’m having a good week. Working hard. Getting stuff done. No fires that need to be doused. This is so not normal that I’m just enjoying it.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? MY GIRL BACK HOME by John Kerr (South Pacific soundtrack)

Okay. We got a request for a romantic suspense blurb analysis. Piece o’ cake. Let’s take a look at Allison Brennan’s THE PREY—her debut romantic suspense that landed her pretty quickly on the New York Times Bestseller list.

THE PREY by Allison Brennan
Rowan Smith is living in a borrowed Malibu beach house while her bestselling novel is made into a Hollywood movie. A former FBI agent with a haunted past, Rowan thinks she has outrun her demons. But fiction and reality collide when a dismembered body is found in Colorado: the real-life victim had the same name, occupation, and looks as a character in Rowan’s novel. By the time the FBI, the LAPD, and her own private bodyguard gather around her, another person is killed—again, the murder ripped from the pages of Rowan’s book.

In the company of a former Delta Force officer with secrets of his own, Rowan faces an excruciating dilemma: the only way to chase down the tormenting killer is by revisiting the darkness of her past—and by praying for some way out again.

Now let’s analyze:

1. This back cover copy is 5 sentences. This is the shortest I think we’ve seen in all my workshops. Another powerful example that a writer can be concise and still write good pitch.

2. The first sentence sets the scene. Simple. Useful. Gives us a framework.

3. In the second sentence, we are introduced to the main heroine. Interesting background since she is a former FBI agent and obviously has a few skeletons in her closet. No need to reveal what as that will become clear as we read.

4. The next sentence is her hook—it’s what makes this romantic suspense different from the myriad of RS novels already out there, and it’s quite original to boot. I get chills just reading it.

5. The final sentence of this paragraph ups the ante. The killer has a pattern and Rowan is definitely linked to it.

6. The next paragraph is the final sentence of the cover copy. It introduces the hero (however briefly) and that’s fine because the focus needs to be on the suspense. We also get a little teaser for what is at stake for the heroine. She has to face something dark (probably ugly) in her past to stop the killer.

Romantic suspense is pretty straight forward. All of them will have similar elements but what makes this one stand out is #4 in this analysis—her high concept element. It’s original.

Most of the time I receive queries where the heroine is being stalked or her life is in danger (of course!) and then the hero character has to save her. Seriously, most of what we receive is that generic in the pitch. There’s no spotlight on the original vehicle for the shaping of the story. In this example, the original concept is the former FBI writer who is being stalked by a killer who reads and models his crimes after her novels.

Catchy.

We want that original hook so we’ll ask for sample pages for your romantic suspense. Tomorrow I’ll take a stab at fantasy.

STATUS: They’re painting my office lobby today. The smell of paint is really getting overwhelming—even with the windows open. You might get enough of me with the blog but just in case, Women On Writing have posted a recent interview with me.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? (I’VE GOT A GAL IN) KALAMAZOO by Glen Miller Orchestra

Romance. More Romance. Romance all the time. Seriously, it’s worth spending at least another day with this genre mainly because so many romance queries are generic and consequently get quick passes. You don’t want that to happen to you.

So let’s look at another historical romance—this time by one of my authors. Sherry Thomas’s PRIVATE ARRANGEMENTS comes out this spring, and Bantam has done a great job with the back cover copy.

PRIVATE ARRANGEMENTS by Sherry Thomas
To all of London society, Lord and Lady Tremaine had the ideal arrangement: a marriage based on civility, courteousness and freedom—by all accounts, a perfect marriage. The reason? For the last ten years, husband and wife have resided on separate continents.

But once upon a time, things were quite different for the Tremaines…When Gigi Rowland first laid eyes on Camden Saybrook, Lord Tremaine, the attraction was immediate and overwhelming: she simply had to have him. But what began in a spark of passion ended in betrayal the morning after their wedding—and Gigi wants to be free to marry again. Now Camden has returned from America with an outrageous demand in exchange for Gigi’s freedom—a proposal that defies propriety and stuns his wife. For Gigi’s decision will have consequences she never imagined, as secrets are exposed, desire is rekindled—and one of London’s most admired couples must either fall in love all over again…or let each other go forever.

Now let’s analyze:

1. This back cover copy is 8 sentences.

2. The first paragraph does a great job of outlining the irony behind the definition of a “perfect marriage.” There’s a bit of subtle humor in there as well because why is the marriage perfect? The husband and wife reside on separate continents. It really sets the tone of this work and gives us an interesting back story at the same time. First question that pops to mind is why do they live in separate countries?

3. The next paragraph begins by giving the reader a little glimpse into the answer to that question the first paragraph inspired. They used to love each other. They used to be wildly and passionately in love but a betrayal ends that. Now, the betrayal isn’t revealed and that’s part of what we assume will unfold as we read the story.

4. By the fourth sentence, we are introduced to the crux of the current conflict. Lord Tremaine has made a demand in return for granting a divorce. The demand isn’t revealed (of course) because the hope is that the reader of this copy will be enticed to read on and buy the book (or if you were querying, the agent would be enticed to request the sample pages or the full because the pitch is so intriguing).

5. The second paragraph ends with what is at stake. I personally love the last line because of what is not said. London’s most admired couple (for their perfect marriage) must decide whether they can be admired as a great couple for embracing love instead.

We’ll try some contemporary romances tomorrow before moving on.

STATUS: TGIF! I’m close to wrapping up three different contracts today. That’s some good work.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? CRUSH WITH EYELINER by R.E.M

Today will be a huge departure from Wednesday’s workshop. Writing romance couldn’t be more opposite to horror if you tried. Seemed like a perfect place to go next!

Romance, for me, is another really tough genre to pitch because basically there are no new stories under the sun nor is the ending in question.

So when writing romance pitch copy, the real focus needs to be on the elements that make this romance original. Hard to do since all romances have a hero, a heroine, a conflict that impedes the romance and of course, a happy ending.

There might not be any new stories under the sun but there are certainly new ways to tell them! Your pitch blurb becomes your tool to show an agent that you have an original new way of telling a romance.

One of my favorite writers for her originality is Julia Quinn and Romancing Mister Bridgerton might be one of my all-time favorite historicals.

From the back cover copy:
Penelope Featherington has secretly adored her best friend’s brother for . . . well, it feels like forever. After half a lifetime of watching Colin Bridgerton from afar, she thinks she knows everything about him, until she stumbles across his deepest secret . . . and fears she doesn’t know him at all.

Colin Bridgerton is tired of being thought nothing but an empty-headed charmer, tired of everyone’s preoccupation with the notorious gossip columnist Lady Whistledown, who can’t seem to publish an edition without mentioning him in the first paragraph. But when Colin returns to London from a trip abroad, he discovers nothing in his life is quite the same—especially Penelope Featherington! The girl haunting his dreams. But when he discovers that Penelope has secrets of her own, this elusive bachelor must decide . . . is she his biggest threat—or his promise of a happy ending?

Now Let’s analyze:

1. This copy is six sentences.

2. This blurb is also unique in that it’s the first cover copy we’ve examined where the focus is on the characters rather than the plot and for this to work, we really need to see something original in the character outlines given. What catches my eye for this novel is the fact that Penelope has had a long-time crush on the hero. (I’ve seen this many times since reading this novel but several years ago, it wasn’t as common a construct.) I also like the focus on Colin and his wanting to be viewed as something more than your average charmer. It hints at some interesting character exploration (which actually does occur in the novel).

3. The only plot elements even hinted at are the secrets and his exasperation with lady Whistledown. If you’ve read this novel, the importance of that is going to take center stage but not much is actually revealed in the copy.

4. Why is that? Well, part of the reason might be that this is book four in the Bridgerton family series and there might be an assumption that the reader might already know the family and the basic romance constructs Ms. Quinn utilizes. I point this out so you can keep it in mind when writing romance copy for your first novel. You need to do more rather than less to make your romance pitch stand out.

To often I see historical romance pitch copy that reads something like this: she’s desperate but the belle of the ball and he’s a rake. It’s too generic. I need some original element (character, plot device, etc.) to grab my interest or I’ll pass.

STATUS: Happy Halloween! I try not to frighten people by going out in costume so maybe I’ll be an Evil Editor for Halloween…

What’s playing on the iPod right now? THRILL ME by Simply Red

In honor of Halloween, of course we have to look at the horror genre today and I’ve got two tasty morsels for you from Horror Writers of America Grand Master Ray Garton and then another Halloween treat from Brian Keene.

THE LOVELIEST DEAD by Ray Garton
To most people it’s just a large house, old and a bit run-down. To the Kellar family it’s a new start, a chance to wipe out the painful past and begin again. But soon it will become a living nightmare. The terrors begin before the Kellars have even finished unpacking. They hear things, see things, shadowy glimpses into the impossible, things that are there—and then gone.

Who are the mysterious children playing on the rusty, vine-covered swing set in the backyard? Who is the figure sitting in the dark corner of the bedroom at night? Who –or what– waits in the basement? They are the dead and they cannot rest. Horror stalks the halls of the Kellar house. And the secrets of the past are reaching from beyond the grave to destroy the living.

Now let’s analyze:
1. The back cover copy is 11 sentences and unlike any of the author works we’ve analyzed so far, this copy is mostly comprised of short, punchy sentences. Interesting.

2. The first two sentences fill in the back story for the reader and allow us to know that the Kellar family are looking for peace but are going to get anything but. (I mean, this is horror after all).

3. So the rest of the cover copy pretty much sums up what will be strange about the new house. The end sentence hints that it’s not just a ghost story but that something darker is at stake.

4. For me, the cover copy misses a bit (and perhaps feels too generic)—especially when I see the Publishers Weekly review that reads: “In this ironically titled shocker from horror maestro Garton, the dead, who are pretty ugly, make life a hell for the living. Jenna and David Kellar, after a series of personal tragedies, the worst of which is the inexplicable death of their four-year-old son, Josh, hope to make a new start at the old family homestead they’ve inherited just outside Eureka, Calif., with their surviving son, Miles. Instead, they discover a nightmare. Ghostly children cavort mysteriously on the backyard swings and vanish at will. Tantalizingly, cruelly, one resembles Josh.”

Wow. That last sentence of the review tantalizes. One of the ghost children looks like their dead son? Now I’m interested. I’m not sure why the cover copy that’s actually on the back cover of the book doesn’t capitalize on that juicy tidbit.

What I’m pointing out is that cover copy isn’t always perfect and cover copy editors get paid to write enticing blurbs to draw readers in! Writing good pitch copy is hard.

TERMINAL by Brian Keene
From award-winning author Brian Keene comes a darkly suspenseful tale of crime and the common man-with a surprising jolt of the supernatural. . . Tommy O’Brien once hoped to leave his run-down industrial hometown. But marriage and fatherhood have kept him running in place, working a job that doesn’t even pay the bills. And now he seems fated to stay for the rest of his life. Tommy’s just learned he’s going to die young-and soon. But he refuses to leave his family with less than nothing-especially now that he has nothing to lose.Over a couple of beers with his best friends, John and Sherm, Tommy launches a bold scheme to provide for his family’s future. And though his plan will spin shockingly out of control, it will throw him together with a child whose touch can heal-and whose ultimate lesson is that there are far worse things than dying.

Now let’s analyze:
1. This back cover copy is 8 sentences. I see some similarities to the Garton copy with the shorter, punchier sentences. I think this copy does a better job of introducing more information in a short amount of space.

2. The opening line is from the publisher. Writers can’t use that but you could start your query pitch with “my novel is a darkly suspenseful tale of crime and the common man-with a surprising jolt of the supernatural.” Or wrap the pitch with that line.

3. The second paragraph gives us a character sketch of Tommy’s life because this is essential to understanding his motivation for the plot twist that will be revealed at the end of the second paragraph and into the third. The first couple of sentences set up his desperation so when he learns he’s going to die, we know that might lead to choices that will cause trouble. (This is horror after all and we need to have a sense of the horror element before we close this back cover copy).

4. This comes in paragraph three. I wouldn’t have minded an escalation of the tension by allowing the reader a little hint of the plan that will spin out of control (so that’s my suggestion for this copy). The last line throws in a whole new element that’s pretty intriguing but once again, I wouldn’t mind a little more hint as to what might be “far worse things than dying.”
In just these two examples, I’d have to say that horror back cover copy might be the toughest to write. You can’t give away the surprise so what’s enough? Too much? Or not enough? All good questions that if you write in this genre, you need to be asking yourself.