Pub Rants

You Excepted—Not.

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Last week a gentleman called and left a message on my voicemail.

He said, “I see that your voicemail says that you do not accept phone queries.”

Then he proceeded to query me by phone.

What part of my voicemail message did he not understand? I was sorely tempted to jot down this person’s name so in the event that he did a) figure out he wasn’t excepted and b) figure out how to query me through the proper channel, I could immediately send my “NO” response without even given him due consideration.

Then I remembered. I’m a nice person. Perhaps it was one of those strange brain farts that kidnapped his better sense at that exact moment and he was compelled to leave the message. Now he is filled with remorse. Or better yet, has learned some sense.

I just hit the delete button.

3 Responses

  1. Jackie said:

    See, you are very nice. Me, I would have returned the call, said “You are correct; I don’t accept queries by phone. And by the way, NO.”

    Barring that, I would have ordered 10 pizza pies to his home address…



  2. MjL said:

    Website looks great Kristin!

    As for VM man, I’m thinking less brain fart and more following some of the “renegade” advice so popular on the conference circuit.

    Seriously, I attended an agent’s seminar and she (doll that she is) strongly suggested: 1. Email agents who specifically say they don’t accept because their in-box will be less full, 2.Call if you can get a number, 3.Query agents OUTSIDE of your genre because you’ll be offering them something fresh.

    Her basic theory was that despite “guidelines”,a writer has a better chance if their work/approach wasn’t the agent’s “norm”.

    I never had the guts to go her route but at the time I thought her advice made sense but now I think it was more that she was a dynamic speaker with a convincing line that made for a great “how to” conference seminar even if not based in reality.

    Anyway, I’m enjoying your “from the agent’s mouth” quirky commentaries. Good stuff!

  3. Pennyoz said:

    Advertising men with names like Siimon (yes, double ii) drive around red Lamborghinis with pony tails trailing in the wind. They are rich because they know how to pitch.

    I think sometimes at these conferences you get the speaker coming along. They’ve got to say something that means something to somebody who is only there because they want to find out how to get what they want, more easily.
    You get great advice. Write to the agent who doesn’t like queries because they don’t have as many queries. Approach the assistant.
    Fine words in theory. The speaker gets a clap at the end of the session and thirty delegates go home and work out their weird pitch with optimism.
    Agent gets back on Monday to the office. Tired because the flight last night was delayed by two hours.The Assistant rings in sick. The editor who was interested in one of your best hopefuls has just announced the big move to a rival publisher who doesn’t do that kind of genre and when the email box is opened finds thirty pitches which do not follow the guidelines specified in great detail to the nth degree…

    Sigh. How many words can I make out of the word skeptic?