Pub Rants

Bad Novel Opening Mirrors Reality!

 25 Comments |  Share This:    

STATUS: An editor just emailed to say she’s sending me a review copy of THE LIES OF LOCKE LAMORA. How cool is that? Love my job.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? LATE AT NIGHT by Buffalo Tom
(Okay, who could forget the scene when Jordan Catalano finally decides to publicly recognize his relationship with Angela Chase and this song is playing. Truly a classic High School scene.)

A blog fan emailed this link to me (thanks Matt) and I just couldn’t stop laughing. I had to share.

Remember when I blogged about novel openings I never wanted to see and yet, for some reason, I was seeing a lot of “woman awaking to find a strange man in her room” scenarios?

Well, this novel opening just happened for real in Sheridan, Wyoming and you have to read about what really happened when the woman woke up to discover a man trying to climb into bed with her.

Yep. There were no ruminations about broad chests, muscled arms, or even a fleeting thought about equipment.

Just show him the door Eve!

25 Responses

  1. The Beautiful Schoolmarm said:

    He’s lucky she didn’t sleep with a firearm nearby or have a large protective dog.

    The most recent romance novel I read started with the heroine armpit-deep in a mare’s uterus, which was certainly an unexpected place to start.

  2. Anonymous said:

    The CSI would have found a very large hole in the deceased man’s torso in my house. Doesn’t she keep her doors locked?

  3. Kim H said:

    I love that song by Buffalo Tom and I’m not afraid to admit that I recorded the whole season of My So Called Life on my DVR a couple months ago (it’s on Noggin at like 3 am) so I could find and relive that one episode when he grabs her hand and they walk down the hallway. It was an awesome episode when I was in high school. It’s awesome now and I’m 32. 🙂

  4. Bernita said:

    She obviously kept her cool.
    I would have been so flaming angry in the same situation I might have precipitated a problem.

  5. Harry Connolly said:

    A friend of mine used to live in a house with a bunch of other people. She told me that one of the guys she lived with used to get drunk and go into her bedroom to stare at her. She’d wake up to find him standing in the dark, watching her sleep.

    I gave her pepper spray for her birthday.

  6. December Quinn said:

    Kristin, you’ll be pleased to know that my latest WIP does have the heroine suddenly finding a strange man in her room-she screams, runs, and threatens him with a knife while dialing 911.

    I was thinking of you while I wrote it. (Well not literally, you understand, because that would be a little creepy. Just as my writing partner and I were plotting it out, I was recalling your rant.)

  7. Douglas said:

    Wasn’t there a short story called “Rape Fantasies”? I haven’t bothered to google that because I am on my work computer and I am sure I wouldn’t find what I was looking for on the first page.

    The MC was an author in a romance author’s group and basically said the same thing about mysterious men appearing in one’s room?

    Anyone else read this in college?

  8. ShanaS said:

    OMG! Finally I’m not the only one who still listens to My So-Called Life songs on their iTunes! I even have Jared Leto’s version of “Red!”

  9. Shanas said:

    Wasn’t there a short story called “Rape Fantasies”?

    Yes, it’s by Margaret Atwood.

  10. Anonymous said:

    Eva Olson is a bartender. Bartenders know how to show drunks to the door without causing an incident.

  11. Anonymous said:

    For Becca regarding that recent romance novel:

    Did the heroine and the mare’s uterus fall in love?

  12. Shawna said:

    When I was in high school, I used to show livestock at our state fair, in a city three hours drive from home. The year I was 16, I stayed there for 10 days by myself, living in a trailer near the barns.

    One evening I had no shows, and was very tired, so I crawled in bed at dinner-time. I screamed (very loudly) when I woke to someone climbing in the (unlocked) trailer window… and dissolved into hysterical giggles when I realized it was my boyfriend, who had arrived a day early, and thought I was out on the grounds somewhere, never guessing he was going to scare me half to death.

  13. Anonymous said:

    I LOVED My-So-Called-Life in high school and I very vividly remember that scene. I even bought the Buffalo Tom CD after that episode originally aired just for that one song. Glad I’m not the only one. Ah, Jordan Catalono…

  14. down_not_out said:

    No kidding, Becca. After my break-in, I sleep with a huge Maglight within arm’s reach. I’ll both see and beat the snot out of anyone who tries to come in again.

    Silly man. I guess, “Interested in going out for coffee sometime?” was too obvious for him.

    Enjoy your book, Kristin. Aren’t free books grand?

  15. Mad Scientist Matt said:

    Rhiannon, perhaps he was just barely smart enough to realize that his standard line, “Can I buy you a drink?” was the wrong thing to say to a bartender. And he just got completely helpless without his line.

    Seriously, I’m glad everyone got a kick out of that.

  16. Tempest said:

    This, sadly, is very similar to what happened to me the other night. I fell asleep on the couch in our living room. Around 5am one of my roommates came down and climbed onto the couch (and me). Turns out he was sleepwalking and I was not amused. Not only due to the climbing and interruption, but also my roommate sleeps in the nude. Somehow I don’t feel like I’m part of a romance novel.

  17. Anonymous said:

    tempest, I’ll bet he wasn’t sleepwaling. ;~)

    word verification: dluvu -coincidence? I think not.

  18. The Beautiful Schoolmarm said:

    Gabriele: I have both the firearm and the large dog–any intruder who makes it through the dog is dangerous enough to be shot.

    Anonymous–nope, the rest of the book was sadly lacking in equine uteruses (uteri?), but there were a lot of breasts . . . human ones.

    I live about three hours from Sheridan, WY, and I DO really think he’s lucky not to have been hurt. It’s legal to shoot trespassers in this state.