Pub Rants

Category: passing on sample pages

Games Agents Play

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Started off the day with 80 new e-mails in the inbox. That’s a tough Monday.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? GOLD by John Stewart

When we obviously have nothing better to do….

Last year, I had dinner in the home of a client and her husband. After the dessert, we decided to play a game that they often do with their friends.

From a bookshelf in their office, the player grabs a published book from the shelf. Any book. Once back at the table, the player reads aloud a page from anywhere in the novel.

The question is two-fold. For the non-agent players, would they have continued reading? Why or why not? For the agent, would I have offered representation for the book based on that one sample page?

It was eye-opening and hilarious. The basic idea is that a novel should be able to hold up to intense scrutiny even if a random page is selected from anywhere in the story.

For my part, I would have passed on a well-known romance writer (oops!). To be honest, the writing didn’t hold up. I was completely surprised when the author was revealed.

For several readings, I admired the writing but knew I wouldn’t have represented it–despite the obvious quality of it. Sorry Cormack McCarthy! (Remember, taste really does play a factor in this!)

And out of the all the readings we did that night, there was only one that when the reader came to the end of the page passage, I said, “absolutely! I’d have offered rep for that in a New York minute.”

That author was Margaret Atwood.

Kind of interesting, don’t you think? I wonder how much we are swayed by recognizing an author’s name and reputation. In this game, you didn’t know and had to make a judgement based solely on the words on the page.

Sacrificing Plot And Character Motivation For Fun

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s sunny and our windows are open. And it was quiet because of the holiday. I got tons accomplished. I officially declare this an awesome day.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? LOVE SONG by Adele
(The Cure were one of my fav bands from my youth and I kind of like her rendition.)

I like the heading of the entry as you can read it two different ways.

1) Just writing for fun and not worrying about the story/motivation,
2) The writer got lost in the fun of the world and forgot that a story needs plot and clear character motivation.

As a writer, sometimes it’s great to just say the heck with plot and character and simply have fun with your story and your world. It can unblock that critical voice and let you just write.

I’m all for that!

However, that’s why you go through the critique and revision process. You don’t want the above and then send me a full manuscript with out that second critical step.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve read two full manuscripts that had great beginnings, solid writing, creative and interesting world building, the whole enchilada that starts an agent getting exciting.

Then I hit page 100 or 140. Suddenly the stories stop making sense. I puzzle over the character motivations and why they are making the choices they do. Then I start reading scenes that are fun but don’t actually move the story forward in any identifiable way. Then I can’t figure out how this scene fits with all the building elements of the first 100 pages.

If I’m this far into the novel and I’m asking the above questions, I’m passing on it. And no, I won’t write up an editorial letter because it would be far too complicated and time consuming to really outline these thoughts in a way that will actually help the writer.

By the way, when I’m writing up an editorial letter for one of my clients, on average it takes me 2.5 hours to complete. We often follow it up with a Skype call to just to talk it through and bounce ideas of one another. It’s a significant time investment.

An Observation On An Observation

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Another gorgeous day and guess what? A lovely walk home is Chutney’s favorite part of the day.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? WAITING IN VAIN by Bob Marley

Here’s another culprit that can sink your opening pages or opening chapters.

I call it double trouble. It’s when a writer has a terrific scene, great dialogue, good character reveal, what have you… then the writer feels the need to analyze the scene over again from a main character’s inner thought monologue.

Ack! When I do charity 30-page critiques, I spend a lot of time deleting out this kind of repetition. By the way, established writers sometimes do this too and this is when you hope that the author has a great editor who will judiciously cut these moments.

Writers do it to make sure the reader fully understands or gets the joke.

Trust me, if you did your scene right, you won’t need this inner monologue contemplation.

While I was at the SCBWI conference over the weekend, it occurred to me that I should create a workshop on how to critique. The audience would be critique partners looking to develop their skills so as to help one another.

I think I would call it Critique Like An Agent.

An Actual No Means No–For Us Anyway

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Chutney is asleep. I need to follow that example.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? COULD YOU BE LOVED? by Bob Marley and the Wailers

Today I took fellow literary agent, Kate Testerman, out to lunch. We even had a pint of beer (Kate) and a glass of wine (Kristin) to celebrate.

Why? Because her author Ransom Riggs has a novel that’s been slowly climbing up to the #2 spot on the NYT list for the past 12 weeks. #1 spot is within spitting distance.

I would be talking about Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children.


Darn right we need to celebrate that. After all, we agents are notoriously bad at actually doing celebratory moments to acknowledge our achievements but can cite every book we passed on that then became successful. LOL.

So it was an enforced celebration because hitting the NYT list is an achievement. Staying on for 12 straight weeks is an achievement. Have sales increase rather than decrease over that 12 weeks is huge and last but not least, hello! The #1 spot is not out of reach.

If you haven’t, you might want to buy this book this week is all I’m saying.

So Sara and I are out with Kate celebrating this amazing debut when Kate mentions there is a brouhaha going on about an agent’s policy to respond to every query or simply say “no response is a No” and authors should move on.

I gotta get myself on twitter. I’m always missing the hoopla.

Actually it was more of a discussion than a brouhaha but it was causing comments aplenty.

Our stance? We respond but that’s mainly because I have the amazing Anita who screens all queries and pulls out the ones I actually need to look at. Without that, trust me, I’d probably seriously consider the “no response means a No.”

We can get upwards to 200 queries a day.

That’s crazy people!

This day alone we received 4 calls from nonfiction writers with deals on the table looking for an agent.

We don’t even rep nonfiction and none of them were memoir. How on earth do people find us is what I want to know.

Now if Sara and I read a partial or a full manuscript, we do offer a line or two on why we are passing but trust me, when I’ve read 12 submissions and I know it’s going to take me at least 40 minutes to type in my one or two lines of feedback, I seriously consider whether it’s worth the time.

I could just hit the NO button and be done. Trust me, it’s tempting. Very very tempting.

But for now, we still add the line. If I were a writer, which I’m not, I’d so appreciate that personal note. So we keep that in mind but we aren’t inured to the day when that might not be a possibility.

What The Heck Do I Say To Help?

by Kristin Nelson

Status: Reading right now. Chutney is curled up in a blanket that she spent 10 minutes fluffing.

What’s Playing on the XM or iPod right now? DON’T DREAM IT’S OVER by Paul Young


For the last two nights, I’ve been reading a full manuscript that I requested. I really like the writing and the concept is super cool but for over 100 pages, the story hasn’t gone anywhere (or I should amend that—it’s going somewhere but moving slowly).


So definitely a pacing issue.


Yet, I’m still reading. I know I’m probably going to have to pass but I so want to be able to tell the writer why and how they might revise. But pacing is THE hardest writing mechanic to explain when it’s not working. If I point to an individual scene, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the writing except the scene is not doing enough in terms of building the tension or revealing another hint to the over-arching story that is unfolding.


In other words, there is no easy fix where I can say “do xyz” and you’ll transform the story.

Culprit: Writing Mechanics

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Was out of the office last week. Although I worked, it’s not quite the same as getting stuff done while there.

What’s playing on the iPod or the XM radio right now? CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ by The Mamas & The Papas

This past weekend I attended the Missouri Writers Guild Conference in St. Louis and did my infamous “Agent Reads The Slush Pile” workshop.

For those of you who don’t know, this is the workshop where I pretend that I’m sitting in my office reading the opening two pages of a submission. In reality, this would all be done electronically and there would be no volunteer reading the entry aloud but you get the picture. In the workshops, as the volunteer reads, I’ll say “stop” if I wouldn’t have continued reading and state why. If I would have read on, we’ll hear the first 2 pages in its entirety.

I personally think this is probably the toughest workshop a writer can participate in but it’s always wildly popular. I do my best to be encouraging but brutally honest—a tough balancing act.

As I’ve given this workshop before, I can tell you several things about it:

1. I always begin with a dire warning and remind writers that they might not be ready for this. I’ve yet to have a participant withdraw an entry (and that always surprises me).
2. 99.9% of what I’ll see in the workshop is not ready for an agent to read.
3. For this workshop, only one entry made it past page 1. The majority of the others, I said stop within the first 2 paragraphs.

Like I said, brutal.

One participant asked a great question. He asked whether all agents would agree with my assessment on when to stop or would those opinions differ given the agent.

I replied that yes, of course opinions would differ but in the case of Saturday’s seminar, I don’t think they would have. Why? The biggest culprit that made me stop reading was a lack of mastery of writing as a craft. The entries had classic beginning writer mistakes we agents often see. And this isn’t to say that the writers in this workshop couldn’t master writing as a craft—just that they hadn’t mastered it yet. I’m confident everyone in my workshop will grow and mature as a writer as they learn.

A list of the culprits? Here they are.

1. Telling instead of showing.
2. Including unnecessary back story.
3. Loose sentence structure that could easily be tightened
4. The use of passive sentence construction.
5. Awkward introduction of character appearance.
6. Awkward descriptions/overly flowery language to depict.
7. Starting the story in the wrong place.
8. Not quite nailing voice in the opening.
9. Dialog that didn’t quite work as hard as it should.
10. A lack of scene tension even if the opening was suppose to be dramatic.

The great news is all of the above are mechanics that a beginning writer can learn.

But you have to be fearless. And the only way you’ll learn it is through a strong critique that points out the issue.

A Manuscript That Stays With You

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Spent a little time this evening working through some leftover computer conversion kinks. We are almost there.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? Nothing At the Moment

Because I’m not on twitter, I only found out today that YA author LK Madigan had passed away from cancer.

I have to say that the news made Sara and I rather sad.

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of reading her YA novel FLASH BURNOUT while it was on submission. I remember this vividly because Sara wasn’t taking on clients at the time but she really advocated for this author.

And Lisa was lovely and so professional.

I didn’t take her on as a client and she went on to find a wonderful and enthusiastic agent. And this may sound odd, but over the last two years, whenever we heard news about her debut novel, I’d say, “remember that manuscript? And Sara would say, “I told you so” (not really as Sara isn’t the kind of person to say such a thing) but you get the picture.

It was one of those novels that we remembered vividly, even years later, and could now poke fun at ourselves on being wrong about.

Which leads me to a point I made at the San Miguel Writers Conference last week.

When you get a rejection, you just have to remember that ALL writers received them at least at once in their careers and where you are today as a writer is not necessarily where you’ll be a year from now. That you will always be learning, growing, and maturing as a writer.

Being a writer is about the journey. Embrace it.

After 200 Webinar Pitches…Take 2

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Heading out early to meet with tax accountant.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? THE SWEETEST TABOO by Sade

Sara was in the office today so we put our heads together on a couple of other tidbits of feedback we gleaned from the all the pitch critiques we did.

Here are a couple of other culprits we discovered while critiquing that would have made us pass had we not being doing that editorial input.

1) Too much emphasis on the world building without giving equal weight or emphasis to the story and the characters in it.

2) Mechanics of the writing was unpolished—as in there were syntax and obvious grammar errors within the pitch itself.

3) Vague descriptions such as: “suddenly a new discovery threatens everything INSERT CHARACTER NAME holds dear.” The problem is that such grand but vague statements don’t tell the reader anything. It’s like saying “this restaurant serves food.”

4) We couldn’t understand the world because the description was unclear. (By the way, we debated whether this fits under “convoluted plot” of yesterday’s entry but we don’t think so it. It feels separate.) You have to choose the right details about your world in the pitch because you can’t explain everything. You can only highlight an element or two that will stand out as unique about the world.

5) Writers who made up a name for a creature or an element but didn’t include any explanation of what it was in the pitch so it didn’t have context. This leads to confusion.

That’s all she wrote folks.

More Sade music on iLike

After 200 Webinar Pitch Critiques…

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: ! I think that exclamation point says it all.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? ISN’T IT ROMANTIC by Rod Stewart

I can unequivocally give my blog readers the #1 culprit of why pitch paragraphs in adult or children’s SF&F query letters miss.

Drumroll please….

Convoluted plot that can’t be followed in the pitch paragraph.

Interestingly enough, in the presentation itself, I gave the missing plot catalyst as the# 1 reason for why we pass. Convoluted description of the plot was #3. I might have to revise that!

Post webinar, most participants got the concept of “inciting incident” or main plot catalyst pretty clearly; it was building the rest of the pitch paragraph that proved tough. I think everyone who submitted a pitch to be critiqued got a sense of just how hard it is to create a good one.

A bit of advice? Your pitch is not something you want to go it alone on. You need feedback and from a variety of sources. If you learn nothing else from that session, take that tidbit away with you.

And because I’m a nice person, I’m going to share my Top 10 list for blog reading edification.

KRISTIN’S TOP 10 LIST OF WHY ADULT AND CHILDREN’S SF&F QUERY LETTERS GET A REJECTION

Reason 10: Generic descriptors of the story

Reason 9: Overkill on World Building details and not enough about the story itself.

Reason 8: Explaining that unlike already published SF&F novels, your work has character development

Reason 7: Popular trends (such as Vampires, Werewolves, or Zombies) with no unique take clearly spelled out in pitch

Reason 6: No mention of or insight into the characters who will be driving the story

Reason 5: The manuscript is 250,000 words (or more!) and this is unpublished, debut author

Reason 4: The work is called SF&F but it sounds more like a mystery or thriller or something else.

Reason 3: Convoluted Plot that I can’t follow in the pitch paragraph

Reason 2: SF&F stereotypical archetypes as the “hook”
–the mysterious object
–the unexpected birthright
–the quest
–the villain that has risen again
–exiled to another planet
–mayhem on spaceship to new planet
–Androids with heart of gold
–The main character as the key to saving the world or species
–the just discovered talisman

Reason 1: No hook—or mention of a plot catalyst that is new or original in this genre

Even When Hot Might Not Be Right For Us

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It wasn’t a manic Monday. Huh, how strange.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? BLACKNAIL by Tim Davies Big Band

About a week or so ago, we asked for sample pages from a query we had received. Then on Friday, the writer sent us an email letting us know that an editor had offered for this YA project and that the writer also had several offers of representation. The author would like to decide on Monday but we could have the weekend to give the novel a read.

Professionally handled. Courteously done for all parties involved. I just want to take a moment to thank the writer for that! Always appreciate given time to read. (side note: interestingly, we weren’t even behind on reading. I had read the partial the night before and was planning to request the full so good timing all around.)

Both Sara and I gave it a look. And we passed on offering representation despite all the obvious excitement around the project.

Should be a slam dunk for ALL agents to throw their hats in the ring, yes?

So why not? Do I think the manuscript will sell? Probably.

I didn’t go for it for one simple reason: I didn’t feel passionate about the manuscript. I could see what was generating the excitement but it wasn’t right for me.

I know I’ve mentioned this before on my blog–that agents don’t just take on projects that they think will sell or be saleable—but I think it’s always worth repeating.

It really does come down to the right person and the right fit.