Pub Rants

STATUS: Contracts and more contracts. Also got translation rights money today. Love those foreign publishers who like buying my authors and publishing them in fun countries like Japan.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? WICHITA LINEMAN by Glen Campbell

As you can tell, my little ipod is eclectic. I just put it on random scramble and whatever song happens to be playing as I start this blog is what gets posted. It just went from Glen Campbell to Gloria Gaynor. Even I think that’s a little strange. Yesterday, I swear it was stuck on the Pietasters—my husband’s favorite band, after CAKE that is. Now Matchbox Twenty just popped on because I keep getting interrupted while writing this blog.

I may be laboring under a misconception so you guys will have to set me straight.

I always think of aspiring writers as in need of funds. Even though I know many writers with great, well-paid jobs (and potentially make more money than I do in a year), I just think of them in terms of being “writing poor”—as in they don’t have a lot of extra money in the budget to spend on postage, paper, ink cartridges etc. and the costs of doing writing as a business.

It’s expensive to mail off a full—which is why I always ask for those electronically.

So I can’t understand the number of FedEx overnight partials I receive. Truly, the number is staggering.

Folks, I don’t even send contracts and money to my clients FedEx overnight—the most expensive option they have. Why in the world would a writer expend that type of money to mail in a partial request?

Do you think I’m going to read it the next day? Unlikely. It’s going into the partial inbox pile and as y’all know, Angie is more than likely going to give it first look and she only comes in on Mondays.

What I’m saying is that there is no need to rush me these pages. Now, there is a big need for me to get through them a little faster, no doubt, but there is no need for speed in terms of it reaching me in the first place.

The United States Post Office does just fine. It will only take 3-4 days—regardless of where you live in this country if you send it regular mail. And if you are worried about status, you can ask and pay for delivery notification. Or, you could include a postcard that says “received on” and we’ll mail it. Of course I might be optimistic on that point. We do try and mail them promptly.

FedEx isn’t going away any time soon. There’s no need to keep them in shorts.

STATUS: Feeling upbeat. How can I not with Mary J on the stereo? I’m working on contracts, which is always labor intensive and detail-oriented. An editor also called to make an offer for one of my projects.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? FAMILY AFFAIR by Mary J. Blige

I’ve spent the last two days talking about the huge hug fest I’ve got going on with all my agent pals. You have to know there is a flipside—the nasty agents who don’t operate with impeccable integrity or a strong ethical code.

Agents are still a microcosm of the society at large, which means there are always a couple of bad apples in the bunch (and I’m not talking about scammers or faux agents. I’m talking about real agents who walk some very fine lines in their relationships with other agents).

It’s called agent poaching or in other words, agents who deliberately steal clients from other agents.

We agents all know who they are but I wonder if the general writing world at large has any idea.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about authors who have become unhappy with their current representation and decide to make a change. That certainly happens often enough. The author independently has made the decision for the change.

No, I’m talking about the agents (and they all have solid reputations and good sales records) who deliberately target the clients that other agents have built to a high enough level to be poached. Then this poacher sidles up and promises the world. Promises such as “I can get you significantly more money than so-so has done for you” and “I can build you to the next level and so-so can’t” and “I can get you on the NYT list or USA Today.”

Sounds awfully good to the author. So what’s the problem?

Poachers can’t always deliver. Then they do one of two things: 1) drop the client faster than a bad hot potato when reality doesn’t match expectation (because the author’s career hadn’t built to that needed level yet and now they’ve just shot themselves in the foot) or worse yet, 2) start ignoring the client and the author ends up low on the totem pole with the new poacher agent whereas two months ago they were getting tons of attention and now, when expectations haven’t been met, are suddenly getting none.

If the Poacher does manage to fulfill the promises, then good. I guess both parties got what they needed. The stories you don’t hear are all the authors who left the poacher agent after getting burned.

I’m a big believer in world karma and what goes around comes around.

Publishing is a small world. If you’re an author listening to a poacher siren song, make sure you’re really not getting what you need from your current agent. Talk to him or her before making the leap.

Be sure to talk to the current clients at the poacher agency but also be willing to dig a little and talk to the former clients. You might be surprised at how revealing that can be.

But most of all, you need to be willing to pay the price if you are lured to another agency and it goes sour. There’s no going back to your former agent (who’s now looking like the world’s greatest agent)—although many have tried.

STATUS: Stir-crazy. It’s really cold here in Denver. Too cold to take Chutney out—even with her little fleece on. She just shivers non-stop. She’s dying to sit on my lap but the rule is, no lap sitting while I’m at my computer. She’s sending kind invitations for me to sit on the couch.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? GRAPEFRUIT—JUICY FRUIT by Jimmy Buffet

Isn’t the subject line for this rant a fun visual? Picture all the agents you know in a giant group hug. Okay, maybe not.

So, how do agents actually help each other? Let me count the ways.

1. Happy Hours. Whenever I’m at RWA or in New York, I tend to get together with a group of agents. We talk shop. No one in the world understands our job better than a fellow agent. Keeps us sane.

2. Blurb time. Many of us have well-known clients on our rosters. Nothing better than a little agent networking to get some good blurbs for a new writer.

3. Referrals. One of my agent friends sent me Linnea Sinclair. She loved her work but didn’t really have room on her list. She sent her to me and she’s one of my stars. How’s that for non-competitive?

4. Workshop and conference fun. Because I’ve got great agent friends in New York and California and Georgia and Washington, D.C. (you get the picture), we love to hang out. One way to do that is by attending conferences together and then having a great time doing a workshop. The attendees benefit from the collaboration as well. Agent Jeff Kleinman has a great workshop called BUY THIS BOOK and I’ve done that class with him twice. The participants love the synergy. I did a great workshop with Randi Murray and Cathy Fowler at the Surrey International conference last year. Randi and I handled the fiction aspects and Cathy tackled nonfiction. Talk about benefiting from the wisdom of three agents. Besides, they made me look good…

5. Query forwards. It doesn’t happen often but every once in a while I’ll get a query that I really like—usually for a nonfiction project. It’s not for me but I’ll forward the query on to my fellow agents. If it sounds right for them and they give me a positive heads up, I’ll respond to the original writer tell them to contact this agent and that I’ve already forwarded the email. Vice-versa. Some good hook-ups have happened this way.

6. Grapevine. Boy, we keep each other in the loop. I know the minute an editor is leaving a house or is looking to buy XYZ. It goes out on the wire lickety-split. Even the editors are sometimes amazed (how did you know I wanted a fun historical—or whatever it is they are looking for). I just say in a mysterious voice, “we agents have ways.”

7. Brainstorming. Sometimes a project just doesn’t sell and you’re at the bottom of the editor contact list barrel. My agent friends give me another barrel to try—maybe off-the-wall suggestions or an editor I don’t know personally. Suddenly, I’ve got a whole new avenue to explore. Occasionally, one of my clients will do something outside their normal realm and I still rep the project. My agent friends allow me to use their expertise by picking their brains.

8. Introductions. Agent friends have literally introduced me to their favorite editors—editors that I’ve never met before but they adore them and convince me to as well.

And the list goes on.

STATUS: Snowy, cold day in Denver. Perfect for getting a ton of work done.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I FEEL POSSESSED by Crowded House

I had a lot of fun giving a talk at CU-Boulder on Saturday. I had a tough act to follow in Lynda Sandoval, another Denver native and terrific writer if you haven’t checked out her stuff. (And see, I don’t just talk about my own clients. Lynda is actually with Jenny Bent!)

And a perfect transition for today’s rant. One of the attendees at my talk asked a really interesting question, one I’ve never really been asked before. A gentleman asked me to discuss the competition between agents and how we handle it.

I think I babbled my answer because it really was an unexpected question and one that’s hard for me to answer because I don’t really see myself or my job as “in competition” against other agents. As y’all know, I have a lot of agent friends. In fact, I belong to two Yahoo chat loops where agents talk, share and support each other. One of which we humorously dubbed the Agent Cartel and we plan to give a workshop together (at least 10 of the agents in the group) at RWA in Atlanta.

Do we all rep the same stuff? For one loop, not really (but we’ll often forward projects on to the loop that sound interesting but don’t fit our lists). For the other, we do but I don’t think any of us feel like we are in competition with each other—although technically we might be vying for the same projects.

For the most part, I believe (and so do my agent friends) that there are a ton of good projects out there and it’s our job to go after and find them. You might even go so far to say that certain clients and projects are meant to be with certain agents (isn’t that a lovely thought?).

If there is a hot project and another agent gets to it first, well, I need to move faster next time.

When I’m vying for a client who has a couple of agent offers of representation on the table and I fear one of those other offers might be from an agent friend, I don’t ask who else is interested. I don’t want to know if I’m up against a friend. That way the best woman for that project will just win.

I will ask about the other agents involved after the fact and if it’s a girlfriend who has landed the desirable client, she has to buy me dinner the next time we are together!

Now, I’m sure y’all realize that not all agents think like this. Agents can be any and all different types of personalities. I’ve certainly met other agents who were outwardly nice but I did sense a paranoid edge–that they were sizing up the competition in order to best see how they could get a leg up. Needless to say, none of those agents are part of my circle of biz friends.

STATUS: Happily green—for St. Patty’s day and because I received contracts and money in today’s mail. It’s never a bad day when money comes!

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I WANT YOU by Marvin Gaye

One of the things that has been driving me crazy lately is the slow-down from publishers in getting new contracts out.

If I were into conspiracy theories, I might think there’s a new contract policy going on to thwart pesky agents and delay upon signing payments. But I’m not. And the reality is that the contracts are probably backlogged. It can still drive me nuts though. I did a deal near the end of November 2005 and the final signed contracts, I kid you not, just hit the buying editor’s desk this week.

Now, I made allowances for December. It’s the holidays after all. Everyone is off drinking eggnog—including the contracts people; I’m all for eggnog drinking and holiday cheer (as I did quite a bit of it myself).

So, I expect the contract in January. Mid-January comes. I start calling and emailing the editor every Monday like clockwork. Where’s the contract? Will I see it soon? I have not seen the contract. I really want to stop calling you every Monday but I can’t until I see the contract. Underlying message, yes, I will be politely annoying until, you got it, I see the contract.

I really felt for the editor though. She loves me but she really doesn’t want to talk to me every Monday. After all, her hands are tied. My contract is sitting on someone’s desk and it’s not like she can just pop down to his office, stick it in an envelope, and mail to me.

First round contracts come later in February. But the negotiation isn’t over. Now my contracts manager and I have to nitpick over the details. That will take a week or so. All is agreed on and final contracts will now be mailed out.

When did I receive final contracts to sign? First week in March. From start to finish? Little over three months.

I groan. I’ve just negotiated three other deals. I’m ready to brush off my delay conspiracy theory and get ready for a long, drawn out contracts process. Hideous nightmares of all contracts taking three months to complete fill my nights.

Nope. Two of those contracts came within three weeks of deal negotiation. The other will probably come next week (which is a reasonable amount of time).

Finally, all the eggnog must be gone. So technically, I guess I really don’t have a rant until it happens again…

STATUS: Busy. I had two things that absolutely needed to get done today. Good thing I still have until midnight…

What song is playing on the ipod right now? WONDER by Natalie Merchant

As y’all know, I receive a lot of queries in a single day. I have to read fast to get through them all in a reasonable fashion.

So, if a query doesn’t grab me in the first 10 lines or so (I didn’t want to say paragraph because often writers start with an introduction and the real meat is in the second paragraph—but you guys get the picture), I hit reply and send the standard rejection letter.

However, here are the top 10 things that will guarantee that I won’t even read past your first line of your query if you open with:

10. I’m delighted to introduce you to my psychological thriller novel.

Well, I don’t rep thrillers and the only ones I will entertain need the word “romantic” in front of it.

9. My novel is a gripping murder mystery.

See above.

8. My screenplay is…

See my previous rant that explains book-to-film and the fact that I wouldn’t know a good screenplay if it hit me in the head so you definitely don’t want me looking at yours. Besides, I don’t rep them.

7. I really don’t know how to go about writing a query and since this is my first try… and then the writer rambles on in this vein.

This might be a ploy for sympathy but honestly, it won’t work. There is SO much information available on a myriad of great websites; there is no reason for an aspiring author to not learn how to write a good query letter. I personally don’t want to take on any writer who isn’t savvy. Now, they can still have a lot of questions about publishing but they need to be professionally savvy. Research and writing of a great query is just the first step in being so.

6. My novel (insert title here) would make an excellent Hollywood film.

See my previous rant on Hollywood. Every writer thinks his/her novel would make a great film. Hollywood rarely agrees.

5. I have written this query a zillion times. There is no way I can describe my novel because it defies description.

Hum… if you can’t describe it, I’m pretty darn sure I can’t sell it. As a writer, you need to know your novel’s place in the market.

4. I would like to submit my manuscript to you. It fits many categories that you represent: literary fiction, women’s fiction, chick lit, fantasy, romantic suspense, and young adult.

Melting pot is not a term to describe your novel. Your work can only be one genre. Now it can have elements of others. There is certainly literary fiction with a complex romance, Fantasy for young adult, chick lit with a mystery but it’s not ALL things. Pick the dominant genre—where it would be shelved in a bookstore and leave it at that!

3. Thank you for reviewing the attached query.

And the odds are that I will open said attachment? Folks, I have two spam blockers and one mean virus protection program. Still, I’m not going to open attachments. If I did, I’d be asking for trouble and would deserve whatever came my way.

2. I recently realized that I was scammed by my previous agent/agency …

I definitely feel for writers who have been hoodwinked. I’ve got links on my website to Writer Beware and Preditors & Editors. I’m invested in educating authors. So, don’t beat yourself up. Move on and for goodness sake, don’t start you query with how you had a moment of idiocy (which can happen to anyone). Would you begin a job interview with how much you screwed up the last one? No. Use some common sense.

And the number one starter that will get an instant NO reply:

1. My novel will be the next DA VINCI CODE, HARRY POTTER, or WAITING TO EXHALE (or insert other title that fits your genre).

Right. Like any of these weren’t a product of all the stars aligning, Besides, why would I want what has already been done?

I want something terrific and original.

STATUS: Elated. I finally closed that deal I mentioned last week. Book nine added to the year’s tally. And, I had a GREAT conversation with an editor who called to tell me that Jennifer O’Connell’s debut young adult, PLAN B, is selling like hotcakes (love when I can say that) and Target just bought in and will soon be stocking that great title in a store near you. Now that’s my kind of day.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? NEXT TO YOU by The Police

Since I’m so gung-ho about YA at the moment, I thought I would talk about an interesting trend I’ve been noticing lately—especially for fantasy young adult.

Angie and I are pretty convinced that writers are killing off parents left and right in their novels as a revenge for a bad childhood.

Lots of death and dismemberment for those poor parental characters who brought your main hero or heroine into the world.

We are rather relieved when we read a partial where both parents are still in existence. It’s a breath of fresh air in comparison.

I realize that the popularity of Harry Potter has opened up a lot of fun avenues regarding main characters as orphans or otherwise alone in the world. There is actually nothing inherently wrong with it (or even all that annoying—unlike portal suction into other worlds). It can be a powerful plot device after all. I won’t stop asking for partials that have killed off the folks or anything like that.

I just want to gently remind writers that’s it’s not necessary. Your characters can have two perfectly nice, well adjusted, and living parents and still have interesting adventures or stories to tell.

We just had to put in a good word for the ‘rents.

Status: I was frazzled until the amazing Ryan Bruner, whom I know from Backspace, came to my rescue.

He said, “Kristin, just email me that pesky Blogger template and CSS code. I can do that while eating lunch and leaping tall buildings.”

Actually, he didn’t say that but he should have. He took care of it in something like 30 minutes. What a guy.

Just goes to show you that literary agents really shouldn’t be messing around with CSS code. I’m the one who screwed it up. However, I do have to be a little miffed with Blogger help. I did read all their instructions and FAQs. They left out some key details on how to change the color template for the Rounders3 version. We still have a few tweaks to work out—as in the corners aren’t rounded—but in time, in time.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? SAILING by Christopher Cross (trust me, I needed something mellow today.)

So, I had a great rant planned today but I’ve already spent too much time trying to fix my blog template so alas, it must wait until tomorrow. But then I’ll be back on track. Promise.

In the meantime, Angie and I read partials yesterday.

Our Katie, Kate, Kat, Cat, or any derivative name for the heroine is up to an 11 count.
Yesterday, we read 6 partials that featured this name. The week before that, we counted 5.

And, I finally remembered another overused character name (because two partials yesterday had this name): Raven.

Lots of heroines with flowing dark hair floating around.

And the kicker? One of the partials featured a male character named Raven. Whoa. Sorry. That so didn’t work for me because of how many sample pages I have read where this name was used for women.

Until tomorrow…

As you can see, I’m finally fiddling with my template colors to make it match my website.

HTML master I am not. It’s still not right and even though I can get it to look right in the preview window when I make the template changes, I can’t seem to republish my blog and have the template look like it did in the preview.

So, if any of you are experts in this Blogspot Rounders template html, can you tell me how to switch the post block color to white (which is now green) and the actual website background that is white to the green of the post block.

Thanks in advance!

Status: Manic Monday. They always are—despite the fact that the weather was all around nasty in Denver and I managed to read all day Saturday and Sunday. I can see the end of the full manuscript tunnel. It’s in sight!

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I’LL BE AROUND by The Spinners (and yippee, the Joan Osborne version is popping on right behind it.)

One of the restrictions I put on my blog is that I will only spend 15-30 minutes doing it. Any more time than that would cut into my productivity. Can’t have that. I’m already too far behind on some stuff so I have to adhere to that time limit. That’s why I don’t always proofread as I should either.

Given that, I don’t always include everything I want to rant about. Thank goodness I can just continue on the next day.

So, back to contests and magaritas.

Even though I take a contest win with a grain of salt, I don’t want to imply that contests (and contest placements) have no value. Writers just also need to be aware of the limitations is all.

What is valuable about contests?

1. I didn’t mention this on Friday but obviously the more respected the contest, the more weight it will carry. For example, in the romance field, winning or placing in the Golden Heart is a big deal. It’s THE top contest for the unpublished writer in this genre. It’s going to carry more weight than the smaller contests—but still, good stuff can be anywhere so I’m going to keep an open mind regardless.

By the way, when I said that a lot of contest entries weren’t in publishable shape doesn’t necessarily translate into the judgment that the entry is so horrible, there’s no hope for the writer. It just means the work isn’t ready to be shopped. Now some entries do have writing issues. Statistically, that makes sense that some entries won’t have the same quality as others.

And what’s problematic is that a writer might have false expectations by winning or placing in a contest. With gung-ho, the writer might submit the manuscript and then suffer bewilderment when rejected. It won such-n-such contest, why aren’t agents and editors responding well to the material? The answer is simple. The work isn’t publishing-ready yet.

Which brings me to the second point about why entering a contest could be a good thing.

2. A lot of contests offer feedback from reviewers, already published writers, and even from an agent or editor. I’ve judged some contests that simply had me rank the top choices. It’s great time-wise for me but I wonder if that short-changes the writers. I much prefer the contests where I can fill out the sheet or provide some feedback. I have received many a lovely thank you note from contest winners who really appreciated the supportive honesty of the critique I returned with the contest entry. At least, then I can say what might have stopped me from asking for a full or point out a plot device that might be a little over-used at present. I can also highlight all the things I liked.

Now, I think honest critique groups are a much better place to get feedback than contests but…

3. Contests, if you final, places your work in front of agents and editors. We are the final judges after all. If I like what I see, I’ll certainly ask for the full.

You don’t have to go the contest route to get this though. A great query letter followed up by some strong sample pages will get you a full manuscript request as well.

4. Contests create tangible deadlines that can highly motivate a writer. If you have to have the first three chapters and a synopsis in by such-n-such a date, it’s a great way to accomplish it.

Just keep that motivation going and finish and polish the rest of the novel.

And the best reason to enter a contest?

5. It might give you something to say in the bio section of your query letter.

Big smile here! That paragraph can be a little sparse for some writers.