Pub Rants

STATUS: What a fun day. Bookseller chick rocks by answering my bookseller questions right there on her blog (and heartily shamed me into ALWAYS talking to my local booksellers when I’m at the store) and Linnea, her editor Anne Groell, and I have been having an email fest to work out the kinks in Linnea’s world for her next, upcoming SF romance tentatively titled GAMES OF COMMAND. Talk about a brainstorming session! We nailed some pretty important distinctions concerning furzels (read: felines) and space travel.

(And Bookseller Chick, if you’re reading, you might try moving Linnea’s stuff to your romance section. We even had a bookseller email us to say that she sold 10 copies in one day after the move and many other booksellers have emailed us to say they’ve done the same and were happy with sales).

What song is playing on the iPod right now? EVERYTHING (IS NEVER QUITE ENOUGH) by Wasis Diop

Well, if you’re reading writer discussion boards and an irate, rejected writer has posted, sometimes we aren’t good for much.

Huge grin here.

Even my status update today gives a little hint of what we do besides reading the slush pile, sending massive reams of rejections, and eating bon-bons with one hand tied behind our backs.

And I hope some of my other blog posts have revealed tiny glimpses of our secret lives (and yes, sending Chutney pics to Ms. Groell today technically still counts as working) but in case that’s not enough, I’ve discovered a new blog (thank you Diana Peterfreund) and The Man in Black, New York Editor Jason Pinter, is revealing The Truth About Literary Agents.

You might want to give that a look.

STATUS: Prep time. I have a trip to New York and RWA fast approaching so it’s time to set up my appointments.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WALKING ON SUNSHINE by Katrina and The Waves

I’m convinced that one cannot be unhappy while this song is playing—that it’s literally physically impossible to be so because your foot is tapping uncontrollably.

Last night I had a chance to read the partials that Sara had set aside for me. I think there were eight or so. Out of that eight, three of the partials all had airplane openings—as in the main character is sitting in a seat on an airplane and flying somewhere. Usually there is an overly large person in the seat next to him or her.

I’ve seen this a lot recently. Enough to rant about it.

Hum… not very gripping. Why? Because there is nowhere to go from here. Unless you are doing the screenplay for SNAKES ON A PLANE, not much is going to happen in this opening scene because the real conflict (and any events that will convey it) will come when the character has reached the intended destination.

Basically, it’s a scene where the main character is discomfited by lack of space. Although I can greatly sympathize (I’m flying to New York in three weeks after all), it’s not gripping.

I’ve seen a couple of partials where the main protagonist was afraid of flying and the scene was probably meant to show the intensity or importance of having the character take this step (but is the fear of flying an essential character trait that must be revealed?). Not if it doesn’t play a role anywhere else in the novel.

Besides, I’m so bored by the opening scene, chances are good I won’t be reading further to find out.

Now I imagine that it is possible for a writer to create an absolutely thrilling opening plane scene (as it is about to crash or because the main character is a Federal Marshall, or something like that), I just have never seen it.

And, I have to admit, I’ve read one opening plane scene that kind of worked because the main character was a witch and she used a spell to comfort the frightened passenger next to her.

Still, I’m thinking that there is a more powerful scene out there to show off the witch’s talent.

So unless it’s an integral, absolutely imperative part of the plot, why not start the novel with a scene at the destination?

STATUS: What a great weekend. I read a full manuscript starting on Friday night. Finished Saturday morning. Called the author. Have a new client. Time frame from when sample pages were received to requesting and reading the full to offering representation: 4 weeks.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? THE WEAKNESS IN ME by Joan Armatrading

I belong to a writers’ discussion board called Backspace and since I’m not the only agent there, the administrator of the site decided to do a quick opinion poll. She asked us to weigh in on what we thought of query letters with a gimmick (and what I mean by gimmick is that the query letter had a strange format that mirrored the story line in some fashion—like the query was in the form of a legal brief for a legal thriller etc.)

I definitely want to give points to the writer for creativity. And I think the purpose was to make the query letter stand out from the hundreds received.

But basically, all of us pretty much agreed that the gimmicky format just distracted us from concentrating on the story summary itself (and might accidentally get mistaken for spam—at least in this case).

I was flexible if I thought the gimmick worked (I didn’t for this case) but all the other agents were adamant. They hated it and would have sent an instant NO.

So, my advice to you? No gimmicks in your query letters.

If you want to grab interest, be sure to incorporate the tone of your manuscript into the query letter blurb (as in if chick lit, use the chick lit tone, if thriller, your summary blurb had better be suspenseful, if literary, the writing should be gorgeous in your query as well).

Ultimately, we just want to focus on your story in the query letter. Hope that helps.

STATUS: I rarely get a chance to read manuscripts during the day but I literally cleared my desk (and FedEx’d that final contract off to the author). So what fun, I get to read today. This is my kind of Friday.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? (JUST LIKE) STARTING OVER by John Lennon

A couple of months ago, a writer sent me an unsolicited POD novel. Now, as I mentioned before, I’m optimistic. I look at previously self-published works but only if I have requested it. Please query first before sending ANYTHING in the mail.

Back to my story. This novel just arrived in the mail. Because I’m curious, I flipped it over to take a quick look at the back cover copy. When I could stop laughing, I read it aloud to Sara and shook my head. Folks, a good novel shouldn’t be a melodramatic Lifetime Movie.

Needless to say, the unrequested POD novel didn’t get read.

But I have seen this in a lot of recent queries lately as well—where the writer has confused conflict with dramatic plot elements.

I just want to clarify here that these two things are not the same.

Conflict is what motivates and drives your character (and can be internal and well as external).

Dramatic plot elements are simply events that occur in the story.

Not the same thing. So what I’m seeing is that writers are confusing the two and making the assumption that if they have a lot of big events in their novels, that’s enough “conflict” to carry the story.

So a query (or back cover copy) will end up looking like this (and I’m just making this up off the top of my head.)

Jane Smith had the perfect life: a husband, two children, and a great home in the suburbs. But when her family is killed in what looks like a car accident but isn’t, Jane must unravel the truth. She must look to her past and discover that the old boyfriend who stalked, raped, and beat her might be involved. Can she hide the fact she gave up their secret baby for adoption? Will the crazy boyfriend learn this truth, track down her only living child, and kill that innocent soul as well?

But Jane can’t uncover the truth alone and she must open her heart to allow sexy detective Joe Boxer, who moonlights as a movie star, into her life and into her secret. Jane Smith wasn’t always a happy suburban mom. She originally worked for the FBI as a ….

And the list of huge events just continues.

I know it’s a Lifetime movie error when, as I read, I’m thinking, “what the hey? Now there’s a secret baby? She was raped as teenager? She led a secret life? She’s had huge tragedy in her life but now she’s meeting a movie star?”

It’s all too much. Like I said–Lifetime movie. And folks, what works well on TV doesn’t necessarily work in a novel. (Just like what works in a novel often doesn’t translate well to the screen.)

And don’t make the assumption that all Lifetime Movie-like queries are done by women or for a romance/women’s fiction novel.

No. The POD novel I received was written by a man and had a male protagonist but still a crazy abundance of tragic events to make up the “conflict” of the story.

And don’t assume you’re safe if you write SF & F. I’ve seen the same problem in queries for that genre. Just the context of the events are changed to reflect the SF & F setting.

STATUS: Exciting news today. Just heard word that Ally Carter’s I’D TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU has hit the #7 spot on the Barnes & Noble YA Hardcover Bestseller list and managed to grab the #27 spot on the entire Barnes & Noble Children’s Hardcover Bestseller list. This after being out on shelves for only 6 weeks!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? HOLD ME NOW by The Thompson Twins

I’ve been reading a lot of fulls lately and it occurred to me that there are a lot of strong writers out there—writers with enough talent to break into publishing but the current manuscripts I’m reviewing probably won’t be the ones to open the door.

I think writers assume that good writing is enough. Well, it’s not. You have to couple good writing with an original storyline—something that will stand out as fresh and original. A story never told in this way before (even if elements are similar to what is already out on the market).

And lately, I’ve been seeing great writing but the story is too familiar, and I pass (with a warm letter complimenting the talent and then an outline of why I decided not to offer representation.) I even called one of the writers because I wanted to explain to her in detail why I was passing so she wouldn’t make the same mistake for her next novel (because I want to see that next novel).

Let me give you an example.

Recently, I had the pleasure of reading three full paranormal novels featuring Vampires. All three were really well-written. Had interesting characters that were developed. And even had interesting twists to the Vampire plot to make it unique.

Sounds good, right? So what happened?

The scenes the writers chose to create (in order to unveil the plot) were almost identical in each novel. I literally could have taken scenes out of one novel and plopped it into another and it wouldn’t have impacted the story much. (Obviously the characters were different but I’m not kidding when I say the scenes mirrored each other).

These three writers did not know each other either. They weren’t sharing a critique group or anything like that. This was coincidental.

So, let me list some of the repetitive scenes I saw:

1. The backstory of how the vampire was made in the first place.

2. Opening scene where the two main protagonists (usually male and female) are enemies but somehow must break through the barrier to work together. This usually involves a violent, confrontational scene to jumpstart the narrative. This scene usually happens in a dark place.

3. The main protagonists are being chased or must travel in order to accomplish what must be done. This is usually done in a car and there are motel/hotel scenes.

4. A vampire sleeping scene (the how, what, where, when etc.)

5. Obligatory scene with main protagonist vampire and an elder of the race

The list could go on but this should give you an idea.

And the real culprit is a lack of world building. Writers aren’t choosing scenes that will build an original story and world—which is so necessary in the crowded Vampire market. How is your Vampire world different? Unique? What intriguing rules must they abide by? What are some mind-blowing scenes that could really tell an original story?

And let me reiterate, these writers all had talent. No question.

Which is why I tell writers to read as much as you can of what’s already out there—because you don’t have the advantage of seeing the hundreds of partials and fulls like we do.

You probably thought your novel was original. But your awesome writing might not be enough.

STATUS: Doing well. Had a productive day despite the fact that I found two omissions of okay’d changes in what was supposed to be the final contract. That will probably get cleaned up tomorrow.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? THE ONE THING by INXS

It never occurred to me that there might be a drawback to actually being caught up on queries, sample pages, and being almost caught up on reading fulls.

We are literally responding to queries within 1-5 days and sample pages within 2 weeks. We are so on top of things that we have been accused today of sending auto-responses. In fact, one writer was so irate, he emailed back to say I should de-list myself as an agent looking for new clients because obviously, since I sent such a quick NO response to his query, I must not be taking on new clients.

Snort. Wasn’t I just talking about writer responsibility on Monday?

But seriously, Sara and I had a conversation today on whether she should read and respond to queries that literally came in today—even though she was open to tackling them.

We decided not to. It seemed harsh or cruel to respond with a NO to a query we received only 10 minutes ago.

We are softies.

But it really shouldn’t matter. We read every query we receive. Give it careful consideration but it’s usually pretty darn clear what is right for us and what’s not.

Now, there are 20 queries Sara has set aside for me to review and I’m actually going to read and respond to them right now—it will take me about 15 or 20 minutes and that will close out the day.

Trust me. It’s not an auto-response.

STATUS: An editor just emailed to say she’s sending me a review copy of THE LIES OF LOCKE LAMORA. How cool is that? Love my job.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? LATE AT NIGHT by Buffalo Tom
(Okay, who could forget the scene when Jordan Catalano finally decides to publicly recognize his relationship with Angela Chase and this song is playing. Truly a classic High School scene.)

A blog fan emailed this link to me (thanks Matt) and I just couldn’t stop laughing. I had to share.

Remember when I blogged about novel openings I never wanted to see and yet, for some reason, I was seeing a lot of “woman awaking to find a strange man in her room” scenarios?

Well, this novel opening just happened for real in Sheridan, Wyoming and you have to read about what really happened when the woman woke up to discover a man trying to climb into bed with her.

Yep. There were no ruminations about broad chests, muscled arms, or even a fleeting thought about equipment.

Just show him the door Eve!

STATUS: Mondays are usually just crazy but today was quite good. Lots of money came in the mail. Love that. Also, final contracts to be signed are here. My author will be so thrilled to see this deal officially concluded. I’m also have dinner with another client on Thursday. Looking forward to that.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? OTRO DIA MAS SIN VERTE by Jon Secada

I just have to shake my head. So much of what we need to know to get by in this world (and be successful) would happen naturally if we just adhered to our common sense.

And common sense should dictate that writers maintain their professionalism—even in the face of disappointment.

If I (or even Sara) send you a NO response to your sample pages, why in the world would you respond with a long diatribe of all our failings? Of how we wouldn’t know a good project (or the next Da Vinci Code–can I count how many times I’ve heard that) if it hit us on the head (although I think my sales record speaks for itself), of how we are responsible for the all the garbage that is currently on bookstore shelves (matter of opinion and certainly not fact and I don’t believe that all those books are garbage), and of how we are wasting our time representing something as mundane as historical romances (when in this writer’s opinion, only “real” historicals with “real” history should be published).

Seriously, this writer slammed a genre that had nothing to do with his work. Not to mention, what is he implying about my intelligence since I happen to rep romance (and thoroughly enjoy doing so)? What a way to win friends and influence agents.

Really, it boggles the mind.

I understand writer frustration. I understand that it isn’t easy to get NOs all the dang time. I really do. But this biz is tough. Nobody said it would be easy, and it shouldn’t be.

Not to mention, what would keep an agent from adding this writer’s name to a black list?

I don’t keep one but I know agents who do.

Yikes.

But this is what bothers me the most. If it’s our fault that the project isn’t being picked up for representation and then published, then writers don’t have to take responsibility for their work.

I’m positive this person did not consider the fact that maybe the writing wasn’t up to snuff, or the story idea didn’t have a place in the market, or that it simply didn’t interest me (and that isn’t a failing on my part—maybe another agent will love it.)

No. We are to blame. And I will tell you one thing I know. My guess is that writers who indulge in this kind of response will never get published because they don’t get it and if you don’t get it, how can you ever strive to be a better writer?

So when you feel the response urge? Go for it. Write it all down—every word, every feeling, every moment of frustration. Get it out.

Just don’t send it.

STATUS: Not so lovely. Email is currently down. How did agents do this job before the internet, email, and FedEx? I’m lost in the dark. Without email, I’m nothing. I’m, I’m, I’m being way melodramatic. Still, frustrating. Blogspot is working though.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? THRILLER by Michael Jackson (appropriate ain’t it?)

The editor name dropping actually doesn’t bother me that much—but it all depends on how the writer handles it in the query letter.

Often writers will include the information that their manuscript has been requested by Ms. Hot Shot Editor at Hot Shot Publishing House. (This tends to happen more in the romance and the SF & F genres because these editors will often still consider unsolicited material and will look at queries. They also attend more conferences etc. because good material is hard to find and not a ton of agents rep it.)

Okay. You’ve name dropped the editor’s name.

My question is this: Why are you telling me this information? There are actually two intentions you could have.

Intention 1: You’re feeling pretty proud of the fact that you got a full manuscript request from an editor and you are hoping it will be impressive if you start your query letter with that information.

First, I’m thrilled for you that this editor requested your full. I’m positive it feels like a big milestone on the road to publishing. You should be proud. It’s a great first step.

But here’s my view. I know Ms. Hot Editor personally. I know she requests a lot of fulls when she attends conferences and such. She’s actively building her list. She may or may not actually be the person to read it. Her assistant or an outside reader might do the first read. She takes over a year to respond to these requests. She… and the list could go on.

If the intention is to impress, I’m not that impressed.

Intention 2: You are simply providing me with all the information about the current status of your manuscript.

I actually like that.

Now, I can always tell the difference between the intention by how this information is presented and where it goes in the query letter.

If Intention 1, it’s always in the beginning and the tone is off.

If Intention 2, the info is always part of the concluding paragraph and stated matter-of-factly (as in “The manuscript is also currently being reviewed by Ms. Hot Shot Editor at Hot Shot Publishing House).

No frills. Just the facts Ma’am.

STATUS: Ah, decided to get grubby on that contract and got some nice results. I think it will wrap up tomorrow. That will make it TGIF!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? THE BOY IN THE BUBBLE by Paul Simon

I am enjoying this name rant spree.

There are so many aspects to name dropping; this could take a couple of days.

This one I call the name dropping faux pas because really, if writers had taken just a minute to access their common sense, they would have realized that this wasn’t a brilliant idea.

I get a mighty chuckle out of writers who, in their query letters, list the names of agents (and in their words, “top-tiered agents”) who have read their partial and then passed with “high” praise.

Excellent. The novel was so good they had to pass. Thank you for sharing that with me.

Uh… I’m not impressed. They passed. They said NO. Obviously, the work wasn’t good enough, or right for the market, or whatever, and now you have just giving me a list of reasons why I shouldn’t even bother asking for the partial.

Why would a writer do that? And yet, I see it all the time.

Yep. Just a little common sense could have detoured that query disaster.