Pub Rants

STATUS: Finally back in the office after my super long weekend. Yep, piles of paper that need my attention. Actually, two contracts. One needs the final vet before sending to the author for signing and the other is awaiting a response from the house Contracts Manager. Digging right in.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? THANK YOU by Dido

I have to admit that this topic has bothered me for the longest time, and I’m finally getting around to giving it a good rant.

I’m nixing all manuscripts that have winning the lottery as a plot device. No more. Lay this tired ole topic down (or shoot it).

This might work as a movie theme (a la Eddie Murphy in that rags to riches tale TRADING PLACES or something quirky like the Irish WAKING NED DEVINE) but as a novel plot element, it’s just blah.

Usually the queries received revolve around one character winning the lottery and that changes his or her life.

Well, duh.

But there really isn’t anything all that interesting in the premise. It’s not a great vehicle for exploring character development or an interesting tool to explore a human conflict.

It is, however, a nice, worn out plot device.

I’m not kidding when I say that the majority of “winning the lottery” queries we receive have an outline that looks like this:

1. Main character wins lotto
2. Character becomes irresponsible and materialistic
3. Alienates family, lover, colleague or all in various order
4. Must learn the true meaning of life (which usually means something like money can’t buy you love or happiness)

Sign me up for that one. Not.

STATUS: Working. After a long weekend though, it’s often fun to get back to work.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? Hum… I should get Dad to turn on the stereo. I could use a little Johnny Cash today (that’s been his latest playlist since we watched WALK THE LINE).

First off, I must start the blog by telling y’all about the agent warm fuzzies PODDY MOUTH is inspiring today over at her blog. I just love it when folks outside the industry “get” our job and send kudos out into the world. It’s much, much appreciated.

My mom asked me an interesting question the other day. She asked me if I read the comments left on my blog.

The answer is yes, I read them. I don’t respond. It’s not my MO but I read them. Then she asked me if I edited them as she noticed that some comments were removed by author and since I am the “author” of the blog, it must be my doing.

The answer is NO actually. I’ve never removed a comment or edited anything posted there. If a comment has been removed, it was removed by the poster—not by me. Free speech and all that. I’m not one for censorship.

I guess I would have to if someone posted a comment that was wildly inappropriate (as in pornographic) or if it specifically (and in detail) libeled another person, or if the poster was posing as somebody else and posting at will inappropriately (because I know this has happened at other blogs) because ultimately I would be responsible for it on my blog.

That’s never happened and I can always hope that it never will.

If it did, I would then remove the comment, but I’d leave a message that I had done so.

But in general, differences of opinions, other viewpoints, people who don’t like me and say so on the comments… hey, it’s all part of your first amendment right.

STATUS: Feeling blessed to be with my family.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? No Stereo today.

My rant for the day.

Why am I receiving queries on Memorial Day?

I just fired up the computer briefly in order to decide whether I wanted to blog (even though it’s Monday, it’s a holiday). Oddly enough, I’ve received 15 email queries. Let’s take a break from publishing for one day. Tomorrow is soon enough for us to look at your story idea.

Today is about remembering those who have given their lives while serving in our armed forces.

That touches all of us.

STATUS: Working today via my parents’ brand new wifi system that they installed just so I could work while visiting them. Think that’s a hint to visit more often? Have wifi, have instant office. After 5 p.m. tonight, I’m looking forward to a great long weekend with the fam here in Saint Louis. And just so folks aren’t worried, yes, Chutney came with. She’s a trooper on airplanes.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? Dad has the stereo on. He’s listening to the MY FAIR LADY Soundtrack.

Tsk. Tsk.

It looks like a very naughty scam agent by the name of Barbara Bauer thinks she can intimidate a watch dog group from posting her on a list of the 20worstagents.

I think I’m a little late to this party and y’all have probably already heard all the details over at Miss Snark etc. but just in case, I want Absolute Write to know that I support its effort to protect writers by providing links on my blog as well.

So, here’s where the story starts on Teresa Hayden’s blog when Absolute Write’s ISP was pulled.

The good news is that AW is up and running again at a new home.

STATUS: Traveling yet again today. I know. Go figure. I’ll be happy when June comes and things can settle down at the office.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? No music at the moment

My agent friends and I just recently discussed an interesting trend on our chat loop—queries for novels with really short word counts (like 50,000 or 60,000 words) that aren’t category romance, cozy mysteries, or YA.

Queries for “full-length” novels.

In fact, according to one agent friend, she says that about half the queries she receives highlights this short word length.

We are all stymied by this.

Where are writers getting the info that this might be an appropriate length for a work? That it would be a marketable length? Standard word length is usually between 70,000 to 100,000 words for a novel. Fantasy can push up to 110,000 but for a debut, it’s going to be a tough go if the word count is higher.

Now I have been told that word parameters are more flexible in the mystery genre but because I don’t rep that, I couldn’t say.

However, all the agents agree that these queries usually receive a NO response because such a work just wouldn’t be marketable (outside of category romance, cozies, and YA).

STATUS: Not too frazzled. My day was devoted to a contract as well as following up on submissions.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART by Bonnie Tyler (Boy, does that trigger some memories or what?)

It’s not too often an author gets to indulge in really creative marketing for a novel and to be honest, I don’t know how much of an impact it makes on the bottom line of book sales but I have to hand it to my author Shanna Swendson who daily sacrifices comfort for that little extra push.

You see. Her current novel is entitled ONCE UPON STILETTOS. On the cover, it features a young woman in red stilettos and the cute frog (that I think is rapidly becoming famous).

If you’ve read the novel, you’ll know that the stilettos actually play a major role in the events unfolding. The fun fact is that the shoes are real because Shanna owns them.

And she wears them to every book signing. Me, I’d be wearing Hush Puppies or something. Spiked heels? My feet are screaming just thinking about them.

At RT, she even went the extra distance to market herself and her books. She attended the Friday Night Fairy Ball dressed as the girl on her cover—red shoes and all. (notice the little fairy wings).

Then she had a miniature version of her cover art affixed to her name badge. Lots of people totally caught the connection and asked about it. And who knows, maybe it sold a couple of extra books.

Now, that’s what I love. Clients going that extra distance to sell just one more book.

And here’s the frog pin. How perfect. Sorry, it’s not the best picture in the world.

STATUS: Super busy. It’s 8 p.m. and I’m thinking I can’t skip blogging today. I’ve never missed!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? HERE COMES MY GIRL by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Back by popular demand (or I didn’t title my blog posts well and previous rants are difficult to find).

I mentioned yesterday that I gave a presentation on the top ten things I’d rather not see in the opening chapters of your SF, Fantasy, and paranormal romance (because that sort of fits and I needed 10 things to make a nice round number).

Notice I gave this rant a handy title.

Here’s my ten list and they aren’t any particular order. Most of these will be quite familiar to my regular blog readers.

1. Characters inexplicably getting sucked into a portal for no apparent reason

This is mostly a YA fantasy device and yes, I realize there is long tradition of portals into other worlds in young adult fiction (Chronicles of Narnia and all that).

All I’m saying is that portal needs to be really necessary and not just an excuse to transport characters into another world so you can now finally tell your story

2. A person gathering herbs in the forest

Honestly, it can’t happen as frequent as I seem to see it in opening chapters.

3. A battle scene.

Goodness, let me get attached to some characters before you start whacking them. Seriously, there’s no connection to the world, characters, etc. Without it, it’s impossible for me to know who to care about.

4. A prologue.

I’ve been doing this for four years (granted—not a long time) but I have yet to see a well-done prologue in sample pages I’ve received. Even if you have one, for goodness sake, don’t send it as part of your sample. If I offer representation because I love your work, then you can spring it on me.

5. A distant third person narrative to start (ie. The boy, the old man, the healer)

Once again, hard to feel connection to a story that’s about to unfold when this is used.

6. Clumsy incorporating of back story in your dialogue (see handy example)

Character 1: I must find the elusive stone of magic (of death, of life, insert appropriate fantasy element here).

Character 2: Yes, my Queen, it is imperative we find it but you also need to remember to collect the six other crystals/stones/talismans for without it, you will not have the power of the XYZ and will be unable to rule your domain.

Ah, if she’s the Queen, wouldn’t she know all this? This dialogue is obviously for the reader’s benefit and not because it’s necessary to the story unfolding.

7. Launching your narrative via a dream sequence

I see this a lot in paranormal romance (but it can still apply to SF & F). It’s a cheap trick. Reader gets invested and then the character “wakes up.” Ugh. It’s such a let down.

8. Heroine waking up alone with a man in her room

This seems to be another popular theme in paranormal romance. This is not sexy. Any woman with a lick of sense would be terrified if this really happened. Hard to move the story forward from there.

9. Tired SF or Fantasy staples: i.e.: quest for a magical artifact, typical characters (dwarf, elf, the warrioress who doesn’t know she has magical powers), a modern woman who is really the savior on an alternate world.

Pretty self-explanatory.

10. Starting your cover letter for your sample pages with: this is a 250,000 word manuscript…

Guaranteed to send me running while screaming.

Now remember, this is just one agent’s opinion.

STATUS: I’m actually having a pretty fine day for a Monday. It’s usually so crazy the first day back in the office. Folks are still recovering from BEA so I bet tomorrow goes nuts. Still, I’m a little late in getting to this blog today.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WAIT by Sarah McLachlan

And I have a rant for today that’s for sure.

Before I hop to it, I just had to laugh at an email Sara and I received today. We are really caught up on queries (except for the ones I still need to review—which means I might ask for 30 pages still). If it was a NO, Sara responded to all queries—even up through 3 p.m. today! Wow. What a gal. I’m so excited to be this on top of things (except this all falls apart when I get behind on the stuff—such as partials–Sara screened for me—I’m working on that). We got an email that accused us of sending an auto-response.

I assure you. If you emailed us a query, it was read before a response was sent.

So here’s my rant for today.

I was regaled with wild stories of the Romantic Times Convention. Half-naked men. Drunken debaucheries. Parties all night long.

I’m thinking I was at the wrong convention.

Well there were half-naked men…

Here I am on the left, my author Shanna Swendson, and that’s my sister (who came with me for a little R&R), Lisa Horner looking pretty startled.

Picture compliments of Linnea Sinclair.

In case you were wondering what she was seeing, here’s a sample. It might be a little dark.

Big smile.

Hey, I just read on Editor Anna’s blog that she was there and I kid you not, I didn’t see her once. There were at least a 1000 people there but sheesh, to not even pass each other in the hallway or elevators. The hotel was rather large and well, I’ll fess up. I did spend a lot of time on the beach.

But just in case you thought I wasn’t really working. I have proof that I did. Here is Anne Groell (Linnea’s editor at Bantam), Linnea, and I. We are obviously working very hard.

Seriously, here I am at the SF & F Panel –giving my top ten things I’d rather not see in the opening chapters of your manuscript (and you guys all know this since I’ve blogged about all 10 of them). I figured the people in the audience might not read my blog so it would be fun to share.

See, I worked.

STATUS: Another beautiful and sunny day in Daytona. Yippee!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? Just listening to ocean waves—the usual morning ritual. I could get use to that (but I don’t think I can get used to humidity).

And lest you think I’m just being a slacker for this whole trip, I’m actually working today (at least working in terms of writers seeing me and thinking, ah, she’s working). Have Blackberry, can work on beach.

I’m taking pitch appointments from 9 to 11 a.m. I’m doing a Paranormal/Fantasy panel from 11 to noon.

Then it’s off to the RT Awards Luncheon. My author Cheryl Sawyer has been nominated for her novel SIREN.

She lives in Australia so I’ll be present on her behalf. Keep your fingers crossed that we bring back a win.

Then I have the other half of the panel this afternoon. Then Linnea and I need to do some quality agent/author time (translation: having a drink at the bar).

Dinner with Becky Motew—the funniest lady at RT.

All in a day’s work!

Ps. If you are around RT, you should look for me. I’ve been wearing a sparkly frog brooch—the same frog on the cover of ONCE UPON STILETTOS.

It’s the cutest darn thing let me tell you. Shanna found it in a little novelty store and just about fainted with delight it was such a perfect match. Today it’s on my bag. Then you’ll know it’s me (if for some reason you can’t seen my name emblazoned on the name tag).

STATUS: Off to St. Augustine for the day. I’m out.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? No ipod today.

Since I’m off to discover the old city, head on over to Bookseller Chick’s blog. She’s discussing author bad behavior and how not to win booksellers and influence readers.

If you are a published author, heed this lesson. Never underestimate (or under appreciate) the power of individual booksellers to sell or not sell your book.

Put on that charming smile and keep it there when in public!