Pub Rants

STATUS: Stir-crazy. It’s really cold here in Denver. Too cold to take Chutney out—even with her little fleece on. She just shivers non-stop. She’s dying to sit on my lap but the rule is, no lap sitting while I’m at my computer. She’s sending kind invitations for me to sit on the couch.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? GRAPEFRUIT—JUICY FRUIT by Jimmy Buffet

Isn’t the subject line for this rant a fun visual? Picture all the agents you know in a giant group hug. Okay, maybe not.

So, how do agents actually help each other? Let me count the ways.

1. Happy Hours. Whenever I’m at RWA or in New York, I tend to get together with a group of agents. We talk shop. No one in the world understands our job better than a fellow agent. Keeps us sane.

2. Blurb time. Many of us have well-known clients on our rosters. Nothing better than a little agent networking to get some good blurbs for a new writer.

3. Referrals. One of my agent friends sent me Linnea Sinclair. She loved her work but didn’t really have room on her list. She sent her to me and she’s one of my stars. How’s that for non-competitive?

4. Workshop and conference fun. Because I’ve got great agent friends in New York and California and Georgia and Washington, D.C. (you get the picture), we love to hang out. One way to do that is by attending conferences together and then having a great time doing a workshop. The attendees benefit from the collaboration as well. Agent Jeff Kleinman has a great workshop called BUY THIS BOOK and I’ve done that class with him twice. The participants love the synergy. I did a great workshop with Randi Murray and Cathy Fowler at the Surrey International conference last year. Randi and I handled the fiction aspects and Cathy tackled nonfiction. Talk about benefiting from the wisdom of three agents. Besides, they made me look good…

5. Query forwards. It doesn’t happen often but every once in a while I’ll get a query that I really like—usually for a nonfiction project. It’s not for me but I’ll forward the query on to my fellow agents. If it sounds right for them and they give me a positive heads up, I’ll respond to the original writer tell them to contact this agent and that I’ve already forwarded the email. Vice-versa. Some good hook-ups have happened this way.

6. Grapevine. Boy, we keep each other in the loop. I know the minute an editor is leaving a house or is looking to buy XYZ. It goes out on the wire lickety-split. Even the editors are sometimes amazed (how did you know I wanted a fun historical—or whatever it is they are looking for). I just say in a mysterious voice, “we agents have ways.”

7. Brainstorming. Sometimes a project just doesn’t sell and you’re at the bottom of the editor contact list barrel. My agent friends give me another barrel to try—maybe off-the-wall suggestions or an editor I don’t know personally. Suddenly, I’ve got a whole new avenue to explore. Occasionally, one of my clients will do something outside their normal realm and I still rep the project. My agent friends allow me to use their expertise by picking their brains.

8. Introductions. Agent friends have literally introduced me to their favorite editors—editors that I’ve never met before but they adore them and convince me to as well.

And the list goes on.

STATUS: Snowy, cold day in Denver. Perfect for getting a ton of work done.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I FEEL POSSESSED by Crowded House

I had a lot of fun giving a talk at CU-Boulder on Saturday. I had a tough act to follow in Lynda Sandoval, another Denver native and terrific writer if you haven’t checked out her stuff. (And see, I don’t just talk about my own clients. Lynda is actually with Jenny Bent!)

And a perfect transition for today’s rant. One of the attendees at my talk asked a really interesting question, one I’ve never really been asked before. A gentleman asked me to discuss the competition between agents and how we handle it.

I think I babbled my answer because it really was an unexpected question and one that’s hard for me to answer because I don’t really see myself or my job as “in competition” against other agents. As y’all know, I have a lot of agent friends. In fact, I belong to two Yahoo chat loops where agents talk, share and support each other. One of which we humorously dubbed the Agent Cartel and we plan to give a workshop together (at least 10 of the agents in the group) at RWA in Atlanta.

Do we all rep the same stuff? For one loop, not really (but we’ll often forward projects on to the loop that sound interesting but don’t fit our lists). For the other, we do but I don’t think any of us feel like we are in competition with each other—although technically we might be vying for the same projects.

For the most part, I believe (and so do my agent friends) that there are a ton of good projects out there and it’s our job to go after and find them. You might even go so far to say that certain clients and projects are meant to be with certain agents (isn’t that a lovely thought?).

If there is a hot project and another agent gets to it first, well, I need to move faster next time.

When I’m vying for a client who has a couple of agent offers of representation on the table and I fear one of those other offers might be from an agent friend, I don’t ask who else is interested. I don’t want to know if I’m up against a friend. That way the best woman for that project will just win.

I will ask about the other agents involved after the fact and if it’s a girlfriend who has landed the desirable client, she has to buy me dinner the next time we are together!

Now, I’m sure y’all realize that not all agents think like this. Agents can be any and all different types of personalities. I’ve certainly met other agents who were outwardly nice but I did sense a paranoid edge–that they were sizing up the competition in order to best see how they could get a leg up. Needless to say, none of those agents are part of my circle of biz friends.

STATUS: Happily green—for St. Patty’s day and because I received contracts and money in today’s mail. It’s never a bad day when money comes!

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I WANT YOU by Marvin Gaye

One of the things that has been driving me crazy lately is the slow-down from publishers in getting new contracts out.

If I were into conspiracy theories, I might think there’s a new contract policy going on to thwart pesky agents and delay upon signing payments. But I’m not. And the reality is that the contracts are probably backlogged. It can still drive me nuts though. I did a deal near the end of November 2005 and the final signed contracts, I kid you not, just hit the buying editor’s desk this week.

Now, I made allowances for December. It’s the holidays after all. Everyone is off drinking eggnog—including the contracts people; I’m all for eggnog drinking and holiday cheer (as I did quite a bit of it myself).

So, I expect the contract in January. Mid-January comes. I start calling and emailing the editor every Monday like clockwork. Where’s the contract? Will I see it soon? I have not seen the contract. I really want to stop calling you every Monday but I can’t until I see the contract. Underlying message, yes, I will be politely annoying until, you got it, I see the contract.

I really felt for the editor though. She loves me but she really doesn’t want to talk to me every Monday. After all, her hands are tied. My contract is sitting on someone’s desk and it’s not like she can just pop down to his office, stick it in an envelope, and mail to me.

First round contracts come later in February. But the negotiation isn’t over. Now my contracts manager and I have to nitpick over the details. That will take a week or so. All is agreed on and final contracts will now be mailed out.

When did I receive final contracts to sign? First week in March. From start to finish? Little over three months.

I groan. I’ve just negotiated three other deals. I’m ready to brush off my delay conspiracy theory and get ready for a long, drawn out contracts process. Hideous nightmares of all contracts taking three months to complete fill my nights.

Nope. Two of those contracts came within three weeks of deal negotiation. The other will probably come next week (which is a reasonable amount of time).

Finally, all the eggnog must be gone. So technically, I guess I really don’t have a rant until it happens again…

STATUS: Busy. I had two things that absolutely needed to get done today. Good thing I still have until midnight…

What song is playing on the ipod right now? WONDER by Natalie Merchant

As y’all know, I receive a lot of queries in a single day. I have to read fast to get through them all in a reasonable fashion.

So, if a query doesn’t grab me in the first 10 lines or so (I didn’t want to say paragraph because often writers start with an introduction and the real meat is in the second paragraph—but you guys get the picture), I hit reply and send the standard rejection letter.

However, here are the top 10 things that will guarantee that I won’t even read past your first line of your query if you open with:

10. I’m delighted to introduce you to my psychological thriller novel.

Well, I don’t rep thrillers and the only ones I will entertain need the word “romantic” in front of it.

9. My novel is a gripping murder mystery.

See above.

8. My screenplay is…

See my previous rant that explains book-to-film and the fact that I wouldn’t know a good screenplay if it hit me in the head so you definitely don’t want me looking at yours. Besides, I don’t rep them.

7. I really don’t know how to go about writing a query and since this is my first try… and then the writer rambles on in this vein.

This might be a ploy for sympathy but honestly, it won’t work. There is SO much information available on a myriad of great websites; there is no reason for an aspiring author to not learn how to write a good query letter. I personally don’t want to take on any writer who isn’t savvy. Now, they can still have a lot of questions about publishing but they need to be professionally savvy. Research and writing of a great query is just the first step in being so.

6. My novel (insert title here) would make an excellent Hollywood film.

See my previous rant on Hollywood. Every writer thinks his/her novel would make a great film. Hollywood rarely agrees.

5. I have written this query a zillion times. There is no way I can describe my novel because it defies description.

Hum… if you can’t describe it, I’m pretty darn sure I can’t sell it. As a writer, you need to know your novel’s place in the market.

4. I would like to submit my manuscript to you. It fits many categories that you represent: literary fiction, women’s fiction, chick lit, fantasy, romantic suspense, and young adult.

Melting pot is not a term to describe your novel. Your work can only be one genre. Now it can have elements of others. There is certainly literary fiction with a complex romance, Fantasy for young adult, chick lit with a mystery but it’s not ALL things. Pick the dominant genre—where it would be shelved in a bookstore and leave it at that!

3. Thank you for reviewing the attached query.

And the odds are that I will open said attachment? Folks, I have two spam blockers and one mean virus protection program. Still, I’m not going to open attachments. If I did, I’d be asking for trouble and would deserve whatever came my way.

2. I recently realized that I was scammed by my previous agent/agency …

I definitely feel for writers who have been hoodwinked. I’ve got links on my website to Writer Beware and Preditors & Editors. I’m invested in educating authors. So, don’t beat yourself up. Move on and for goodness sake, don’t start you query with how you had a moment of idiocy (which can happen to anyone). Would you begin a job interview with how much you screwed up the last one? No. Use some common sense.

And the number one starter that will get an instant NO reply:

1. My novel will be the next DA VINCI CODE, HARRY POTTER, or WAITING TO EXHALE (or insert other title that fits your genre).

Right. Like any of these weren’t a product of all the stars aligning, Besides, why would I want what has already been done?

I want something terrific and original.

STATUS: Elated. I finally closed that deal I mentioned last week. Book nine added to the year’s tally. And, I had a GREAT conversation with an editor who called to tell me that Jennifer O’Connell’s debut young adult, PLAN B, is selling like hotcakes (love when I can say that) and Target just bought in and will soon be stocking that great title in a store near you. Now that’s my kind of day.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? NEXT TO YOU by The Police

Since I’m so gung-ho about YA at the moment, I thought I would talk about an interesting trend I’ve been noticing lately—especially for fantasy young adult.

Angie and I are pretty convinced that writers are killing off parents left and right in their novels as a revenge for a bad childhood.

Lots of death and dismemberment for those poor parental characters who brought your main hero or heroine into the world.

We are rather relieved when we read a partial where both parents are still in existence. It’s a breath of fresh air in comparison.

I realize that the popularity of Harry Potter has opened up a lot of fun avenues regarding main characters as orphans or otherwise alone in the world. There is actually nothing inherently wrong with it (or even all that annoying—unlike portal suction into other worlds). It can be a powerful plot device after all. I won’t stop asking for partials that have killed off the folks or anything like that.

I just want to gently remind writers that’s it’s not necessary. Your characters can have two perfectly nice, well adjusted, and living parents and still have interesting adventures or stories to tell.

We just had to put in a good word for the ‘rents.

Status: I was frazzled until the amazing Ryan Bruner, whom I know from Backspace, came to my rescue.

He said, “Kristin, just email me that pesky Blogger template and CSS code. I can do that while eating lunch and leaping tall buildings.”

Actually, he didn’t say that but he should have. He took care of it in something like 30 minutes. What a guy.

Just goes to show you that literary agents really shouldn’t be messing around with CSS code. I’m the one who screwed it up. However, I do have to be a little miffed with Blogger help. I did read all their instructions and FAQs. They left out some key details on how to change the color template for the Rounders3 version. We still have a few tweaks to work out—as in the corners aren’t rounded—but in time, in time.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? SAILING by Christopher Cross (trust me, I needed something mellow today.)

So, I had a great rant planned today but I’ve already spent too much time trying to fix my blog template so alas, it must wait until tomorrow. But then I’ll be back on track. Promise.

In the meantime, Angie and I read partials yesterday.

Our Katie, Kate, Kat, Cat, or any derivative name for the heroine is up to an 11 count.
Yesterday, we read 6 partials that featured this name. The week before that, we counted 5.

And, I finally remembered another overused character name (because two partials yesterday had this name): Raven.

Lots of heroines with flowing dark hair floating around.

And the kicker? One of the partials featured a male character named Raven. Whoa. Sorry. That so didn’t work for me because of how many sample pages I have read where this name was used for women.

Until tomorrow…

As you can see, I’m finally fiddling with my template colors to make it match my website.

HTML master I am not. It’s still not right and even though I can get it to look right in the preview window when I make the template changes, I can’t seem to republish my blog and have the template look like it did in the preview.

So, if any of you are experts in this Blogspot Rounders template html, can you tell me how to switch the post block color to white (which is now green) and the actual website background that is white to the green of the post block.

Thanks in advance!

Status: Manic Monday. They always are—despite the fact that the weather was all around nasty in Denver and I managed to read all day Saturday and Sunday. I can see the end of the full manuscript tunnel. It’s in sight!

What song is playing on the ipod right now? I’LL BE AROUND by The Spinners (and yippee, the Joan Osborne version is popping on right behind it.)

One of the restrictions I put on my blog is that I will only spend 15-30 minutes doing it. Any more time than that would cut into my productivity. Can’t have that. I’m already too far behind on some stuff so I have to adhere to that time limit. That’s why I don’t always proofread as I should either.

Given that, I don’t always include everything I want to rant about. Thank goodness I can just continue on the next day.

So, back to contests and magaritas.

Even though I take a contest win with a grain of salt, I don’t want to imply that contests (and contest placements) have no value. Writers just also need to be aware of the limitations is all.

What is valuable about contests?

1. I didn’t mention this on Friday but obviously the more respected the contest, the more weight it will carry. For example, in the romance field, winning or placing in the Golden Heart is a big deal. It’s THE top contest for the unpublished writer in this genre. It’s going to carry more weight than the smaller contests—but still, good stuff can be anywhere so I’m going to keep an open mind regardless.

By the way, when I said that a lot of contest entries weren’t in publishable shape doesn’t necessarily translate into the judgment that the entry is so horrible, there’s no hope for the writer. It just means the work isn’t ready to be shopped. Now some entries do have writing issues. Statistically, that makes sense that some entries won’t have the same quality as others.

And what’s problematic is that a writer might have false expectations by winning or placing in a contest. With gung-ho, the writer might submit the manuscript and then suffer bewilderment when rejected. It won such-n-such contest, why aren’t agents and editors responding well to the material? The answer is simple. The work isn’t publishing-ready yet.

Which brings me to the second point about why entering a contest could be a good thing.

2. A lot of contests offer feedback from reviewers, already published writers, and even from an agent or editor. I’ve judged some contests that simply had me rank the top choices. It’s great time-wise for me but I wonder if that short-changes the writers. I much prefer the contests where I can fill out the sheet or provide some feedback. I have received many a lovely thank you note from contest winners who really appreciated the supportive honesty of the critique I returned with the contest entry. At least, then I can say what might have stopped me from asking for a full or point out a plot device that might be a little over-used at present. I can also highlight all the things I liked.

Now, I think honest critique groups are a much better place to get feedback than contests but…

3. Contests, if you final, places your work in front of agents and editors. We are the final judges after all. If I like what I see, I’ll certainly ask for the full.

You don’t have to go the contest route to get this though. A great query letter followed up by some strong sample pages will get you a full manuscript request as well.

4. Contests create tangible deadlines that can highly motivate a writer. If you have to have the first three chapters and a synopsis in by such-n-such a date, it’s a great way to accomplish it.

Just keep that motivation going and finish and polish the rest of the novel.

And the best reason to enter a contest?

5. It might give you something to say in the bio section of your query letter.

Big smile here! That paragraph can be a little sparse for some writers.

Status: Mildly optimistic! I’ve accomplished more than I thought I would today, and I have the whole weekend to get caught up on my reading. I should be feeling jubilant come Monday.

What song is playing on the ipod right now? HANG ON TO YOUR LOVE by Sade

Last night I gave a talk at the Denver Press Club for the Mystery Writers Western Chapter.

This always makes me laugh because I don’t rep mysteries, but they like to invite me anyway. And it’s too bad. Great bunch of folks. It does make me wish I did but to be honest, if a thriller or mystery is done well, I can’t sleep for days after reading it. I’ve got enough stuff on my plate that keeps me awake at night.

They asked some great questions but one stuck out in my mind. One person asked me about entering and winning contests and how important a factor does that play in my being interested in a manuscript.

I think I can sum it up with one simple sentence: I take contest winnings with a large grain of salt.

They’re fine but in the words of Shania Twain, “that don’t impress me much.”

Why?

Because I judge contests. I enjoy it, and you just never know when you might be getting a first shot at something good.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen as often as I would like.

So far, I’ve only judged one contest where I have asked for the full manuscript for the entry that won first place. This contest was an extra anomaly because I almost asked for fulls for second and third place as well. They were all so good. It was tough to choose the winner.

And then I’ve judged contests where the final entries were not in publishable shape—at least in my humble opinion. It made me wonder what all the other entries looked like if these were the top three picks! Then I have to pick a “winner” and I end up picking the best of the worst—so to speak.

Thank goodness this doesn’t happen too often. Besides, as you guys know, I’m ever the optimist. Good treasure can be anywhere.

So a contest win may not necessarily mean that the manuscript is ready for publication. That’s why I take contest-win mentions with a grain of salt (and preferably a margarita if one is available).

Then there is the whole other trap writers can fall into. Some writers do what we call “the contest circuit.” They’ve done an amazing job polishing the synopsis and the first three chapters, which is what most contests require. They place in contests, but what they’ve neglected to do is finish the novel to that same level of polish etc.

I’ve requested fulls from writers that had terrific opening chapters. I’m humming along, really enjoying it, and then suddenly the novel goes south in a hurry. It’s like the writer was kidnapped by aliens, and I’m left sitting there going “what the hey! What just happened?”

Contests aren’t a bad way to get noticed but don’t be seduced by their lure either. Finish that novel. Make it polished, and don’t be afraid to go after the bigger prize—seeing that novel in print.

Status: Feeling guilty. I only have 70 pages of my client’s manuscript and did I finish that yesterday? No. Too many fires erupted that needed attention. Unfortunately, that’s sometimes standard operating procedure. I do plan to finish up today. Looking good because there were no fires sitting in my email inbox when I checked in this morning. A first for this week. Yea!

What am I listening to right now? IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE by Tonic

Two days ago, Jenny Bent got tagged and she decided to come out and play. She doesn’t have a blog of her own but I was happy for her to guest on mine.

Here are the MEME answers from Jenny Bent of the Trident Media Group. Enjoy.

1. First thing you did when you woke up today?
Turned my alarm clock toward the wall, really loudly, to hopefully annoy my obnoxious neighbor who wakes me up EVERY NIGHT from the hours of one to four AM banging and crashing around with his idiot friends. Then I made coffee.

2. Last book you read for pleasure or are currently reading for pleasure?
The Historian.

3. Something you’re excited about in your job today?
Hopefully I’ll get an offer for a book I have out that’s getting a lot of buzz. Also, if all goes well, we will FINALLY be hiring a new assistant, and I’m incredibly excited about that, because having no assistant has frankly kicked my ass for the last couple of weeks. I was an assistant for about four years, and I’ve been an agent for eleven, and I think that you become progressively stupider about basic office skills the longer you’re away from it. I can barely use the copier!

4. Something you’re dreading?
A conference call with a publisher that is NOT treating my client well.

5. The worst conversation you ever had with an editor?
It was actually an e-mail. When I moved an author from one house to another. I have to say, I was shocked. I haven’t submitted to that particular imprint since. I mean, this is a business, folks, and publishers drop authors all the time. But when I DARE to move an author because she wants to move and I agree it’s better for her career, I get completely slammed in the most personal of ways? I don’t think so, my friends!

6. The happiest conversation you ever had with an editor?
Every time I do a first sale for an author whose been struggling for years to get published. That is my ABSOLUTE favorite part of the job.

7. A habit you’d like to quit?
SMOKING. Does that count?

8. A habit you’d like to acquire?
exercising. God, I lead a sad life….

9. Greatest strength as an agent?
Tenacity. Definitely tenacity.

10. Greatest weakness?
Hmmmm…um, I think my boss would say that I call in sick too much. Hey, what can I say? I smoke and I don’t exercise. What does he expect? Of course I get sick!

11. Favorite book of the past year?
Well, I don’t know if it came out this year or last, but Larry McMurty’s Berrybender series, I LOVED.

12. If you weren’t agenting you might be…
No clue. I can’t think of a better job. It wouldn’t be editing, that’s for sure.

13. You tag??
KIM WHALEN, Trident Media Group. She’s in London at the book fair, but I think she’s back next week. Is it okay to tag someone from my agency?