Pub Rants

STATUS: It’s Friday! Rockies against the Padres tonight at Coors field. I cannot watch baseball on TV but get me to the field and I’m crazy about the game. I also love Baseball movies. Always have. There’s something about the metaphor of the game. All time favorite: BULL DURHAM (of course). Actually, I love all sports movies. Okay, not all but almost all. It has to be a really bad movie for me to diss it. I have very lax standards where sports films are concerned.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? TWISTIN’ THE NIGHT AWAY by Sam Cooke

I have to admit, I kind of stole this brilliant idea from Rachel Vater so go check out the original master but since Sara was in the office today working on queries…

It was time to for her to weigh in.

So, from Sara:

Here are some queries that got the dreaded, “No Thank You” today:

1)I saw four queries about adults who recently found out they were adopted. This seems to be a hot topic right now, and it is emotionally compelling. Unfortunately, it is also very common. Typically, the protagonist goes looking for his/her birth mother, and the plot revolves around this search. The successful query in this genre will have to be masterfully written to break out from the “too generic” brand.

2)There were many queries from writers who had not researched the genres that we represent (this is typical, but still sad – many were even good). I sent “nos” to multiple writers of children’s picture books, anthologies of poems, thrillers, medical mysteries, etc. *sigh*

3)Science Fiction and Fantasy writers were busy today – many good queries came through. There is one recurring theme that I keep seeing in this genre which is a bit of a turn off (and often results in the big “No”). I see many queries in which the hero or heroine has just come to realize that they are the secret savior either of this world or for a world they never knew existed. In these queries, the character doesn’t know about their hidden talent/power/prophecy until they find out it is their job to save the world. There is no reason this story couldn’t work, but I certainly see it a lot, and it takes exceptional writing to overcome my bias of it as a generic story.

4)Depressed 40 year old women whose fat husbands are having affairs have also been plaguing me today. This topic for a query never wins any points with me. Three of these “heroines” came through the in box, and then quickly went out again. I didn’t see the possibility of an original take on the storyline. I just saw “Sally needs to re-find herself and her vitality and her 14 year old sarcastic teenager is no help.”

5)Finally, again on the SF writers (like I said, they were busy beavers today) – I noted many queries that were listed over 200,000 words (including one stunning 315,000 word behemoth). This wasn’t the ultimate breaking point for any of the queries, but I thought I would mention it. 150,000 words is about my upper limit, and after that there is a mental, “eeek” of warning.

But, here are some wonderful potentials that I sent on to Kristin to review:

1) A YA novel with a 17 year old heroine who works in a museum as an exhibition assistant. She has just gotten the go-ahead to research her favorite pirate from history (or should I saw pirate-LASS – yippeeeee, a woman pirate, just like in SIREN). Adventure on the high seas is supposed to follow – sounds exciting!!!

2) A comedy about three senile, aging psychics and the havoc they cause as their talents vie with their failing mental capacities. Ha ha! How great – crazy old psychics!!!!

3) A SF about a perfectly engineered future that is threatened by a being, posing as human, who has been elected as president. The celestial protectors of the world create a new race of beings to help fight this threat. These are the heroes/heroines of the story, and they band together to learn about their powers and to save the world. Yes, it’s a “save the world” theme, but the writing in the query was very strong, and the hook with the six super-heroes, was intriguing.

STATUS: It’s still crazy but I actually felt like I accomplished several tasks that needed to be handled. So, thumbs up.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? BARRACUDA by Heart

Right now I’m reading Thomas Freidman’s THE WORLD IS FLAT for my book club that’s meeting on Sunday.

And today I was given a living example of how truly flat the world is.

It used to be that you had to live in New York to do my job—agenting. Or you had to live in New York to be a successful publisher.

It’s really not true any longer and mainly because of the precepts outlined in Freidman’s book.

For example, I had lunch with Fred Ramey of Unbridled Books today. (A month ago he broke my heart when he passed on a literary novel of mine that I thought was perfect for his house. And I was right, sort of, because it came really, really close for him. I forgave him over lunch).

But Fred has been in this biz for many years (I’ll be nice and not say how long) and not in New York.

He and his business partner Greg Michalsen have been successfully running Unbridled Books (a publishing house dedicated to publishing novels of rich literary quality—remember those?) for several years now and they don’t even live in the same town.

Fred lives here in Denver; Greg lives in Columbia, Missouri.

And this was true even when they were the Blue Hen Imprint at Putnam several years ago.

They just hired a new web marketing manager. She’s on the East Coast.

The world is flat in the sense that the whole company doesn’t need to geographically be located in one place to succeed.

Publishing Old School—great books that might actual enter the literary canon—but done in a new school, world is flat, let’s take advantage of all technology has to offer, kind of way.

Isn’t that how revolutions happen?

So if you haven’t picked up a literary work of fiction in a while, why not mosey on over to the website and check out this great title SMALL ACTS OF SEX AND ELECTRICITY. Sample pages are on the website but alas, not the first couple of pages, which are a little shocking.

I guarantee you won’t be able to stop reading,

Some folks might call it women’s fiction. Fine. We don’t call Chuck Palahniuk men’s fiction but whatever.

It’s high octane fiction and here’s your chance to support a house that still has an Old School vision that literary fiction is worth publishing.

STATUS: It’s a Wednesday but feels like a Monday. Completely crazy. The only thing I absolutely had to do today was type up my feedback for a client. I’ve literally been on the phone since the a.m. and I’m still trying to find a moment to get this done. Hence, extremely short blog.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? I RAN by A Flock of Seagulls
(Ah, what memories of high school and new wave bands with very strange hair. Still, it’s kind of a cool classic now.)

A friend sent me this link this morning.

I made the Top Ten Blogs on Publishing & Writing!

Okay, I’ve never heard of Associated Content but you know how much I love top ten lists.

To be number 3—right up there with Miss Snark and Evil Editor. I have to admit, it kind of made my day.

And I even laughed over the description. I might be a little too sweet for some folks. He, he

Like too much sugar in your tea.

Guess they missed the shark in chick clothing.

And now if I can just get them to spell my name right…

STATUS: I took on a new client today. That always makes me happy!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? DEACON BLUES by Steely Dan

Funny how memories come out of the blue. Today I recalled a conversation I had with an editor several months ago (and undoubtedly over drinks) but I think it still holds true despite the fact that a glass of wine might have been involved. Of course, that glass of wine might be the culprit for why I’m only now remembering this…

We were specifically discussing novels in romance but I think it holds true for other genres (and feel free to cite those exceptions to the rules in the comments section because I know you will!).

She mentioned that she hates first chapter opening scenes that involve eating.

Breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

It’s probably the only time eating is a turn-off!

For her, it’s just impossible to make such a scene dynamic.

I have to agree.

In fact, eating scenes in general tend to lack momentum—unless the entire point of the story is somehow tied to the dinner scene. Then, I can actually see that working. This typically tends to happen more in short fiction rather than novels but I’m sure there are examples out there.

But as ways to introduce your character or show interactions, it’s do-able but hard to do really well enough to excite.

Some food for thought. Pun intended.

STATUS: It’s Monday. Need I say more? Actually, it was an okay day. There are a few ongoing fires I’m dealing with but nothing new. Thank goodness for that. I’m still concentrating on client material but my partial inbox is calling to me. I know there’s some good stuff in there I need to read soon.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? IT’S NOT UNUSUAL by Tom Jones

What I feel like doing most right now is knocking my head against my desk.

Why? There’s nothing worse than having an editor ring up and say, “What’s up babe? You got anything in the hopper for me. I’m itching to buy, buy, buy.”

Okay, the editor didn’t really say that (or call me babe) but she did email me and say, “Do you have any upcoming young adult projects for me to look at?” (Translation: Darn your YA titles are selling really hot right now–which they are–and I want a project with you.)

The Editorial Director of the imprint no less.

And this is the second email in a week’s time from two different editors.

And there is nothing worse than having to say no, I haven’t got a darn thing.

It’s not from a lack of looking at YA projects either.

This is what frustrates me with the recent sample pages I’ve reviewed. Some of them have been great concepts (and I mean good stuff) but with flat, one-dimensional characters and what feels like teen standardized dialogue rather than something authentic.

That drives me crazy. Just because it’s YA doesn’t mean the writing standards are different.

I’ve been reading some cool stuff lately. Edgy. Like Printz medalist John Green’s latest AN ABUNDANCE OF KATHERINES. Cool concept. Top writing.

And what’s really interesting is that I do think some of the stuff I’ve looked at will get representation and potentially sell.

And that’s fine. There’s a market and audience for all types of readers.

I guess I just don’t want to be the agent to sell it.

STATUS: I’m actually doing a reading day—client stuff mostly but I did read 200 pages of a full manuscript last night and I’m going to pass. Why? Because the secondary plot ended up hijacking the story and I kept wondering where the two main protagonists had gotten to. So folks, remember that. A great subplot can really create terrific complexity and round out a novel but if the reader is more interested in the secondary characters with the subplot, Houston, we have a problem.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WILD HORSES by U2

It’s Friday! And I thought it would be fun to round out the week with the top ten things that drive me crazy in queries. Pet Peeves. Now remember, I only accept queries via email so some of my peeves revolve around this medium.

10.Writers who CC at least 50 other agents on the email query.

Yep, that’s designed to make me feel special. Not. Also, email queries that do this tend to end up in my Spam folder.

9. Queries with email subject lines that read, “Pity the fool who passes up this bestseller” or something of the like

Now that’s guaranteed to get me to quirk my right eyebrow in disbelief. On principle that gets an auto NO.

8. Queries that begin with “I know you don’t represent XYZ but I’m convinced that if you just took a look at this work, it would be right for you.”

Even good writing isn’t going to get me to like a book in genre I don’t care for.

7. Queries that open up with a complaint that it’s so darn hard to get an agent.

Duh.

6. Query backgrounds with color or cutesy backdrops and strange fonts.

I’m really not looking forward to bifocals. Please don’t speed up the process.

5. A query that outlines 10 full manuscript projects in excruciating detail.

Enough said. Query one work at a time.

4. My XYZ novel is 300,000 words and it’s the first in a trilogy.

Agent runs screaming.

3. You’ve rejected me before but …

Sheesh. Never highlight your unsuccess!

2. My novel would make a great Hollywood film.

Okay, how many times have I ranted about this topic? Don’t worry, I won’t get started again.

1. Queries that begin with “This novel is the next Da Vinci Code.”

Folks, my agency doesn’t represent books like the Da Vinci Code. And quit beating that poor dead horse.

Have a great weekend. Until Monday…

STATUS: Today was devoted to royalty statements. And they say an agent’s job is glamorous. Snort.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? ELSEWHERE by Sarah McLachlan

This query will be fun because it’s for my most recent sale. This project, PRIME TIME, just sold to Harlequin last week and will be coming out in June 2007.

Hank is a well known TV personality in Boston but this work is her debut novel. (If you are a Boston resident, flip on your telly to the NBC affiliate, which I think is channel 7. You can’t miss her!)

Dear Ms. Nelson:

Think that annoying SPAM clogging your computer is just so much cyber-junk? Top-notch TV reporter Charlotte McNally suspects some of it may be much more than that–in fact, she’s certain it carries secret big-money messages to a powerful inner circle of executives who possess the key to its code. Okay, hidden messages in spam might be a common plot construct but I’d never heard of it. Right off I thought this quite clever.

Turns out–as Charlotte discovers–the last outsider who deciphered the SPAM’s hidden clues now resides in the local morgue. Sinister. Was his car accident really a car accident? Charlotte’s spidey-sense for news may have put her on the trail of the biggest story of her life or the one that may end it. I love this. It’s either the career-making story or the one that will cash in her chips. Yet, there’s a fun tone to the query so it’s not like I think this is some “serious” mystery.

PRIME TIME introduces Charlotte McNally, a hip and attractive fifty-something journalist who’s facing some life-changing challenges. This doesn’t have anything to do with the query per se but it’s an interesting tidbit. We ended up making Charlie forty-something (47 to be exact) because she was single, never married, and this would go over better with the editors. Charlie’s smart, successful and devoted to Italian clothing designers–but she’s worried her news director is about to replace her with a younger model. Love this. Even though she’s won a row of Emmys for her investigative reporting, she’s convinced that unless she digs up another blockbuster in time for the next ratings book, she may be fired from the job she loves. It’s a double layer of conflict. The unexplained car accident and the fact that Charlie’s job might be on the line because our society values youth—especially in this career.

Charlie’s got too many pairs of shoes, too many graying hairs, and even a hot flash or two-but she puts her life on the line for a story, and her heart on the line for a guy. That sums it up!

PRIME TIME–approximately 95,000 words–is a mystery in a lady lit voice. This might have worked a little better at the start of the query but the nice thing is it does confirm what I was thinking the genre of this work might be. It’s an action-filled page-turner, with humor, romance and a stock market scheme so timely and innovative you’ll wonder why someone hasn’t tried it. A twist of an ending will have readers going back to the beginning to check for all the clues they missed. Hank could have deleted these two sentences. In truth, they don’t really add anything to what is a good query. The information is too general and if it’s a mystery, then I’ll assume there should be a twist ending but hey, letters don’t have to be perfect.

It’s also a look from inside at the world of television news: its ambition, cynicism, tyrannical managers, clothing allowances, ratings wars, power struggles, and even a few devoted journalists. She can nix this too.

On a personal note-my 22nd year of reporting at WHDH-TV (NBC/Boston) has been a terrific one so far. I won two more Emmys for my investigative and consumer stories (that makes 23), and three more Edward R. Murrow Awards, including the one for best writing. Aha, now this will perk my interest. Hank has been in the biz for a long time. She knows this world inside and out and can bring that perspective to telling a good story.

After all my years in journalism and affiliation with Investigative Reporters and Editors, I have lots of pals in local TV and newspapers across the country, as well as at all the networks. So I figure, add those publicity and blurb resources to the millions of TV viewers who already recognize my name and we could have a ready-made marketing platform. You blog readers should know by now that agents love tidbits like this. It really helps us to fall in love with the project.
.
For experienced and savvy women who are weary of reading about chick lit chicks swilling Cosmos (not that there’s anything wrong with that), PRIME TIME is a satisfying selection for beach, book club or curling up with a cup of tea. And they’ll never look at SPAM the same way again. Hank could nix this. It doesn’t add anything. What could have been more interesting if she highlighted the dearth of titles in this genre for the “older” set.

What happens next to Charlie, her career and her future with a dishy professor? I’m currently working on the next in the series, FACE TIME, where Charlie contemplates cosmetic surgery to stave off on-the-air aging, and uncovers a series of murders in a luxury hospital. Hank’s letting me know, in a fun way, that this work is the first in a series. I like it.

You don’t say on your website whether your interest in chick-lit mysteries extends to chic but older chicks-I hope it does. True, my website doesn’t but I don’t practice age-ism. May I send you the completed manuscript? Thanks so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. You sure can!

Best,
Hank (Harriet Ann) Phillippi Ryan

STATUS: Today was definitely better than yesterday but it didn’t take much to make that happen. If you are wondering what happens when a line like Bombshell folds, hop on over to my fellow agent Nephele Tempest’s blog where she goes into a little more detail about that.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? BLUE by The Jayhawks

Yesterday I pinpointed that Jennifer’s B#1 was a very different type of chick lit. Well, today’s query is for a great book that has all the “typical” chick lit elements—set in New York City, a young 20-something, an evil boss, a new job, a possible Mr. Right, and yes there’s shopping but all with a big, big, big, big magical twist.

Yep, you guessed it. What’s up next is the original query for Shanna Swendson’s ENCHANTED, INC. In fact, whether this is simply a different kind of urban fantasy or chick lit is still up for debate.

As you’ll probably notice right away from the query, the title was changed (as often happens). Ballantine published this book in May 2005. The sequel, ONCE UPON STILETTOS, hit shelves a year later (or should I say hit shelves and then immediately disappeared in non-magical ways because this book has sold very strong).

The third in the series will be released in May 2007 (so mark you calendars) and it, too, has a wonderful title DAMSEL UNDER STRESS.

And here’s the great query that started a four book series.

Dear Ms. Nelson:

I am the author of five published short contemporary romance novels, and as I prepare to make the leap into the single title world, I am seeking representation. Aha, this author has already published. Usually I prefer that the query writer include the publisher right away so I don’t have to wonder who it is but Shanna ends up including that in her last paragraph. Also, she highlights her career goal—to move to single title after a career in category. Your list of genres and sub-genres that you represent matches nicely with what I write, and your philosophy on the role of an agent (as described on your web site) matches what I’m looking for in an agent. Works for me.

My most recently completed manuscript is a 100,000 word contemporary fantasy with a chick-lit style — think Bridget Jones meets Harry Potter. Sometimes the movie reference works—as long as the book really matches the description. In this case, I loved the comparison and the book didn’t disappoint. The comparison has to make sense though. I once got a query that used ANNE OF GREEN GABLES meets THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER. Huh? I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around that one. MAGIC, SPELLS and ILLUSIONS, INC. is the story of an ordinary young woman who gets a job at a company that turns out to be essentially Magic, Inc., and who finds herself in the middle of a brewing magical war that’s really going to complicate her dating life. This is fun. Shanna incorporates the fun tone of the book in the query. Katie Chandler always thought she was ordinary, but then she learns that she’s a special kind of ordinary, so non-magical that she’s entirely immune to magic. OMG!!! How cool is this? A heroine whose super power is that she is ordinary!! I love it. So original. Great hook and right here I was sold on seeing this project. I didn’t even have to read any more of the query. I knew this book was right up my alley. She can see through any illusion, which makes her extremely valuable to her company, which is facing competition from a former employee who has no qualms about producing spells designed to harm people. Now Katie has to balance her top-secret professional life with her personal life while helping find real-world solutions to magical problems. Dating in New York was hard enough before she had magical co-workers meddling in her life and a job she can’t discuss when her date asks, “So, what do you do?” Shanna includes a bunch of fun details to highlight the conflict of this magical job for the heroine—she’s detailing the chick lit elements in her magical world.

This project is currently under consideration by Luna Books, after editor Kate Paice (from the UK office) requested it based on a conversation I had with her when the book was only in idea form. Nice. Shows that editors also like the hook. I’m hearing about chick-lit houses incorporating paranormal elements, so I believe there could be even more potential markets for this story. Shanna shows she’s market savvy and a client I would want to work with. It’s the first book in an open-ended series, and I have story ideas for at least three more books. And funny enough, we sold all those books.

I had two books published in Silhouette’s now-defunct Yours Truly line, one of which was a finalist for the Romantic Times Reviewer’s Choice Award for best Yours Truly. Prior to that, I had three books published by Avalon books. Ah, here’s the publisher info that I wish she had included in paragraph one. She probably could have combined this. I have twice won the science fiction/fantasy/horror category of the Greater Dallas Writers Association contest, but have not published yet in that genre. Nice. She’s gotten some fantasy recognition, which she includes because all her published works were in romance.

Although I have fairly good publishing industry contacts, I’m not a good negotiator and I am concerned about making sure my projects end up at the right house, with the right editor so I can build a career instead of just selling books wherever I can. Those are areas where I believe an agent would be a beneficial partner in my writing endeavors. Her goals. Not necessary but it certainly doesn’t hurt her query.

Would you like to see sample chapters of MAGIC, SPELLS AND ILLUSIONS, INC.? Yes, yes, yes!

Thank you for your consideration of my work.

Sincerely,
Shanna Swendson

And for fun, here is the back cover copy Ballantine created for the book:

DON’T MESS WITH HEXES

Katie Chandler had always heard that New York was a weird and wonderful place, but this small-town Texas gal had no idea just how weird it was until she moved to the Big Apple. Everywhere she goes, she sees something worth gawking at. It makes her feel like such a hick, and her dead-end job working for a real ogre of a boss doesn’t help. She’s afraid she’s a little too normal and ordinary to make a splash in the big city.

Then, seemingly out of the blue, Katie gets a mysterious job offer from Magic, Spells and Illusions, Inc. – a company that sells charms, spells and tricks of the trade to wizards and others in the magic community. To them, Katie’s ordinariness is an asset. Lacking any bit of magic, she can easily spot a fake spell, catch hidden clauses in customers’ contracts or detect magically disguised intruders. Suddenly, average Katie is very special, indeed, and her life is anything but normal.

She quickly learns that she only thought her previous boss was an ogre, that bad blind dates can be even worse when magic gets into the mix and that there are much, much worse places to meet men than singles bars. Then there’s Katie’s office crush on Owen, the sexy, shy, ultrapowerful (and probably unattainable) head of magical R&D. And to make matters worse, there’s an evil competitor threatening to sell black magic on the streets. Now, it’s up to Katie to pull off the impossible: save the world and—hopefully—live a little happily ever after.

STATUS: Can I just say this day sucked? From the moment I hit the office, one of the first emails in my inbox was the news that Harlequin was disbanding their Bombshell line. Well, rumors have been flying for weeks (since RWA) about the fate of this line but alas, the confirm came this morning. And yes, I have a very unhappy Bombshell author at the moment. And that was only the start of the bad news… Thank goodness tomorrow is Tuesday because I don’t think I could handle another Monday like today—well, I can but just not two days in a row.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? OPEN ARMS by Journey (okay, the evil secret is out. I am a closet Journey fan. Don’t tell anyone.)

I like to think of this query as the one that started it all.

Technically that’s not true because I opened my agency in 2002 and I certainly had read a bunch of queries in the four months before this one arrived in December 2002. I had even taken on two nonfiction writers (what was I thinking? Big smile here.) but this was the first query that translated into my first sale as an agent on my own and dare I say it, the rest was history?

This project, BACHELORETTE #1, sold to NAL (New American Library) in February 2003 via a pre-empt and this work has the honor (is that the right word?) of being the first novel to incorporate the reality TV angle. It also was a crash production (which means moving at lightning speed) because the book sold in February and then published in August 2003. In six months. It was featured at Book Expo before we had even finished the contract. It was a heady and crazy time.

And I’m so proud of this book—and not only because it’s my first sale—but also because it’s a great book.

Most folks just see the chick lit angle. Ah, this is a story of a woman going undercover on a dating reality TV show.

Well, if you haven’t read this book, it’s SO much more than that. This novel is about a thirty-four year old woman who is questioning the woman she has become in her marriage, the woman she become as a mother and then truly discovers what a real marriage, her marriage, is all about.

Heady stuff and not remotely like what is defined as “typical” chick lit. There’s no 20-something. No shopping. No search for shoes or the right job. And Mr. Right is already in the picture.

But what does it really mean to be a wife, a mommy, and your own person all at the same time?

I don’t call that chick lit. I call that smart fiction.

So here is Jennifer O’Connell’s original query to me.

Dear Ms. Nelson
I read on Publishers Marketplace that you are interested in women’s fiction. I thought that you may be interested in my novel Bachelorette Number One. Great title! I would like to invite you to review the manuscript for my novel and consider representing me. This was in the early days of PM and being the smart gal she is, Jennifer was already savvy about this medium and that impressed me. She has done some research.

Bachelorette Number One is about Sarah Holmes, a freelance writer assigned to infiltrate and expose television’s most popular show, ‘The Stag.’ This was a fresh angle in 2003. Thanks to Femme Magazine’s staff of hair stylists, make-up artists and designers, the thirty-four-year-old married mother of one is transformed into a hip, blonde, fashionable single girl ready to compete head-to-head with twenty-three other husband hungry women. Aha! Here’s a great hook. We have an “older” married mother of one who plans to go undercover and pretend to be single. I can see all kinds of conflicts that can erupt out of this. I’m so interested. Besides, I had never even heard of a story similar to this one. But while the magazine expects Sarah to show what goes on behind the scenes – the cattiness, the desperation, and the ruthless competition between the women – she finds that life with the Stag is not what she expected. Ah, not what she expected. Life rarely is. It’s a little hint of what’s to unfold.

Originally disgusted by the women’s mission to land a husband, and their desire to let the entire country watch the events unfold on prime time TV, Sarah finds herself befriending some of the hens (the show’s horrific nickname for the women). Women liking other women! Love that. Stories of women bashing each other not as much for me (unless done just right) but Sarah goes in with one expectation and gets confronted with a different reality. And I like the tidbit on the “hens.” Even more unexpected, she finds herself becoming a formidable competitor as the women work their feminine wiles to make it through the weekly candle ceremonies. Oops. Sarah is getting caught up in the game. That’s going to cause problems! When her time with the Stag starts to become more intimate, the line between work and real life becomes blurred, and Femme Magazine might get more than it bargained for. Everyone is going to get more then they bargained for! Here she’s giving me more details to flesh out the story but she still keeps it brief.

Bachelorette Number One shows us a woman who, by all accounts, has exactly what the women on ‘The Stag’ are seeking – a good looking successful husband, a happy suburban marriage, and a beautiful little girl. But as she’s swept up in the race to romance the Stag, Sarah learns that she has more in common with the women than she’d like to admit. This paragraph is a little bit of a repeat of the above and the two could probably have been combined but hey, a query doesn’t have to be perfect. The novel shows with both intelligence and wit, the differences that make all women unique and the similarities that make all women human. I love this bit though because it shows a little hint of the depth and complexity the story will encompass—even if she plans to tackle it in a fun, chick lit way because let’s be honest, this isn’t serious, serious women’s fiction.

Although Bachelorette Number One is my first novel, my writing experience ranges from corporate communications to the publication I founded while at Smith College. Short and sweet because she doesn’t have any prior publications. My exposure to publishing includes attending the Radcliffe Publishing Procedures program after graduation from Smith. This detail is strong because it tells me she knows something about the business of publishing and that’s always a bonus.

I’d be happy to send you a complete copy of the manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you. It never hurts to thank an agent for his or her time. We have so little of it. Thanks for taking the query business seriously!

Regards,
Jennifer L. O’Connell

Rereading this just gives me a warm fuzzy all over again. Jennifer has written three adult novels besides this one: DRESS REHEARSAL and OFF THE RECORD. Her fourth, INSIDER DATING, will be out in May 2007.

Because she is a consummate professional interested in expanding the Jennifer O’Connell brand, she has branched out into YA with a very successful MTV/Pocket title called PLAN B. Her next YA, THE BOOK OF LUKE will be out next year as well.

I’m convinced she never sleeps because she works a full-time job, is married, and raises two kids but she also had time to put together and edit a terrific anthology entitled EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING A GIRL I LEARNED FROM JUDY BLUME.

And along with fiction, she’s currently co-writing a chick lit nonfic divorce book that has a title currently up for grabs but we’ve been calling it YOU’RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.

And this incredible career started with one great query letter.

STATUS: It’s Friday. I actually plan to work all weekend but I do have some fun things planned as well.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? FIRE AND RAIN by James Taylor

I think what will be clear from this example is that I tend to like quirky books! And for all you wondering, I do have male clients but their books haven’t sold yet and I’m only highlighting queries for which there is already a book on the shelf or an impending release.

Also, two of my best known authors, Ally Carter and Linnea Sinclair, don’t have queries to share. Why? Because Ally queried me for a work that has yet to be submitted (but we hope to some day) and Linnea was a referral so she didn’t actually formally query me.

But next up is Becky Motew. I love this book COUPON GIRL. It’s so different from anything else that is out in the world of Chick Lit. In fact, it was probably a mistake to market it as so. It’s more humorous women’s fiction and male readers have told me it has a very Carl Hiaasen feel. So, it’s okay for boys to read it too!

Dear Kristin Nelson:

Jeanie Callahan, coupon girl extraordinaire, just wants to win the LotsaCoups sales contest. She needs the money, and, frankly, the career boost. We’ve got conflict! Jeanie needs some cash. So when the buzz-cut speaker at the sales meeting urges the team to “get close to the business,” Jeanie doesn’t hesitate: she auditions for the Heywood Community Theatre production of Sound of Music. Why, think of all the business-owning prospects she’ll surely meet.
Okay, I’m already chuckling. Who decides to try out for the SOUND OF MUSIC so as to get sales leads? Hilarious right from the start and the query only gets better.

Except Captain von Trapp and Maria turn out to be 6 feet tall giants. Lisl is 11. Most of the nuns are high-schoolers. I can’t stop laughing and guess what, her novel is just as funny. And the director…ah, the director…turns out to be the perfect date. Sort of, except for his libidinous tendencies. From Yummy’s Septic Systems to the jailbird-owned pizza group, Jeannie digs for sales. I love the mention of some of her clients. Yummy’s septic systems? It’s probably true because you can’t make that kind of stuff up! She’s getting close to the business…or is she? Maybe she’s only getting closer to insanity as she shows up at every rehearsal dressed in her nun’s habit and trying to help keep peace on the hell-bent set. Sound of Music and chaos on the set shouldn’t go hand-in-hand so I’m really digging this quirky premise. And meanwhile tramp-like Stephanie and witchy Henrietta sprint forward in the contest. And the conflict heats up over sales as well. So basically Becky has done a wonderful job balancing an original idea with a fun conflict.

As the Captain abandons ship, one of the nuns refuses to sing without carrying a three-foot cross, and the music director appears intent on conducting naked on opening night; the show seems slated for disaster No Kidding! and Jeannie seems far from winning the contest. But a last-minute twist saves Gramps from a lawsuit Huh? This was kind of thrown in there but hey, I’m already smitten so I let it go, propels Jeannie into the limelight, and presents a stunning opportunity for the coupon girl to win far more than the sales contest. Great wrap up line.

COUPON GIRL, standing proudly Standing proudly? Strange description but that’s okay, a query doesn’t have to perfect in the commercial women’s fiction category, is just over 80,000 words and ready for your inspection. I sold coupons myself for more than ten years in the Worcester, MA, area. I was also active in community theatre for at least ten years, though it may have seemed longer to the audience. I’m sorry to say my best role was Miss Hannigan in ANNIE, where I scared my own daughter.
This bio paragraph rocks. She did coupons and community theater so she knows the world intimately and the last line just shows me she has the same sense of humor as the novel. Nicely done.

Thank you for your time and attention.
Becky Motew

As you can tell, this quirky novel was hard to sum up for the back cover copy. We tried several versions that all ended up sounded bland. We ended up lifting out some of the text from one of the chapters to capture the essence of this novel’s quirky nature and we used that as the back cover copy.

Here it is and run out to buy this book. Trust me, when I read the manuscript, I shook Chutney off my lap I was laughing so hard in places—especially when the performance of the Sound of Music actually happens in the book. Very few books make me cry from laughter. This one tops my list.

Hi, you’ve reached the voice mail of Jeanie Callahan. I’m auditioning right now for the lead role in the The Sound of Music. Hopefully, I am not throwing up or fainting. Oh yes, if you’re a business owner and would like to offer your customers coupons, leave me a message. BEEP

“Hey, Jeanie. I can’t give 25% off my donuts, so just forget it.” BEEP

“Hi, it’s Meg—your soon-to-be-pregnant best friend. Call me!” BEEP

“Just wanted to let you know that the fire department was over to get your grandfather down from the roof. Don’t worry, he’s okay.” BEEP

“My name Mike. You call.” BEEP

Did you ever wish you could redeem your current life for a completely new one? Believe me, I’m right there with you. And if I’ve learned anything from selling coupons, it’s this: 10% off won’t cut it. You have to go big. Large. Whole hog. I say it to my customers every day. I just never knew taking my own advice would prove so difficult. …