Pub Rants

Category: funnies

The True Recipients Of ‘The Stamp’

STATUS: A night off can do wonders. I’m actually excited to dive into a client manuscript tonight.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? IS THIS LOVE by Whitesnake

Before blog readers get up in arms over how “cruel” agents can be, you have to remember we work in a creative business. This means there are always a certain number of crazies.

In general, we get 100 to 150 email queries a day. (And after the holidays, we were averaging more like 300 queries a day).

A certain percentage we rule out right away as the writers didn’t research us and are sending stuff we don’t rep (like queries for nonfiction or picture books). We wouldn’t bother with ‘The Stamp.’

A certain percentage are queries that are obviously just thrown together, lack professionalism, and sent out to any number of agents. For these, we wouldn’t bother with ‘The Stamp.’

A certain percentage are well researched, diligently written, and are professional but the project simply isn’t right for us. We take those queries seriously and read every single one of them. Those would definitely not get ‘The Stamp.’

A certain percentage are decently written but just kind of verging on the strange or weird. We wouldn’t use ‘The Stamp’ even for these.

And then there are those remaining few–at least a couple a week. The queries that spotlight, in all its glory, a 200,000 word epic novel about a detachable penis.

Those queries, folks, deserve the WTF Stamp!

The Only Drawback to Electronic Queries

STATUS: Time to head home for an evening with my honey.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? I WANT TO KISS YOU ALL OVER by No Mercy

A teacher girlfriend sent me this picture and I have to say, the only drawback to digital queries is that we can’t use this stamp.


And trust me, there are many times when it pretty much sums it up for us.

Friday Funnies

STATUS: I love this time of the morning. All tasks on the TO DO list are possible!

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS by Ella Fitzgerald

This one is way too good not to share. Best chuckle error caused by auto-correct that I’ve seen in a good long time. For context, NLA owns our office unit within a larger building and the management office sent out an email about an upcoming repair. Talk about the importance of proofreading. I share the exact email sent in all its glory!


Hi Kristin,

The door contractor will be on site to fix the other half of the front door on Friday, December 2 or Monday, December 5. Hope this isn’t an incontinence.


Potpourri And Funnies

STATUS: This week was defined but what wasn’t on fire with gasoline explosions. Seriously, I was coming to work each day with the thought: “Can just one thing not be an issue today? Just one.”

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? WE GET TO FEEL IT ALL by Indigo Girls

But I can also define this week by some really cool things.

1. Got a revised cover for an author who had a hideous cover just last week. New cover is awesome! I’m so pleased and relieved.

2. My colleague Sara held a big big auction for a middle grade boy fantasy novel that went in a major deal (THE PECULIAR by Stefan Bachmann). Squee.

And the best thing ever? Today my author’s editor had her baby and get this, she named the baby boy after a character in my author’s novel for whom she is the editor.

Okay, nothing beats that. That is just “Yes Way” cool.

And because it’s Friday, how can I not share with you I read the article in PW, had to check it out. Huge Beverage alert. The below photo was hands down my favorite. Oi!

Friday Funnies!

STATUS: Where in the world did the day go? This week has been the cover issue week. Literally, three covers received, three covers nixed.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVE LIKE MINE by Lou Rawls

Today’s entry has absolutely nothing to do with publishing but it did make me laugh and laugh. Gee, I can’t imagine who the culprit might be…. *grin*


STATUS: I’m finally back! It definitely took a week longer than I expected but I’m doing great.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? JEOPARDY by Greg Kihn (Of course!)

Late on Friday (July 29) I found out that Jamie Ford was going to be a literature question on that night’s TV show of Jeopardy!

Surely you’ve arrived if you are ubiquitous enough to be a question on a popular game show, right?

Not a single contestant got the answer. LOL!

Yep, take it down a notch Kristin. It still makes me smile though.

Friday Funnies On Tuesday!

STATUS: Heading out of the office right now and won’t be back for a week.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? DIDJITAL VIBRATIONS by Jamiraquai

Hey readers. I’m out on a small medical leave for a week so there won’t be any blogging but I absolutely couldn’t leave without posting Plot Device! It’s a little long but if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s time well spent!


Plot Device from Red Giant on Vimeo.

Your Moment Of Chutney

Status: It’s raining. Again!

What’s Playing on the XM or iPod right now? ROSANNA by Toto

Yesterday, Brian headed home to Denver with Chutney in tow. The poor man has had nothing but bad luck with air travel and yesterday was no exception. Brian and Chutney’s plane was delayed by almost 5 hours.

Security lines were also a mess. Over an hour to get back into the gate area if Brian exited the terminal. In short, the two of them were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

And here’s where Southwest Airlines gets my vote for best airline ever.

Although you can’t quite make out Chutney (as she’s behind that gray ladder), here is the shot Brian took of the cluster of southwest employees trying to get Chutney to go to the bathroom out on the tarmac before boarding the plane.

Needless to say, Chutney was too freaked out but kudos to the employees of Southwest for going the distance. They really tried!

Friday Funnies

STATUS: You don’t want to know.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? KNEES OF MY HEART by Jimmy Buffett

I’m doing everything but laughing at the moment. Right now our ISP Server is down and our submissions database is offline. Argh! Supposedly any incoming or outgoing emails are being saved on the back up server until it’s up and running again. And I hope to goodness the database is on their backup server as well or we are going to be in trouble.

If you were planning to query or submit, hold off until next Monday, please, as we are migrating to a new ISP host on Sunday. We actually had this planned but of course was waiting for the weekend when the transition would be the less inconvenient. Go figure that our current provider would have problems this week of all weeks. Talk about bad timing.

We did a whole tech conversion in February and these are just the final pieces that we need to put in place so my apologies for the inconvenience.

So I really need a laugh on this Friday. This video doesn’t have anything to do with publishing but it did make me laugh uproariously. It’s compliments of my assistant Anita. Since I haven’t done funnies in a while, I hope it does the same for you. TGIF! Have a great weekend.

Friday Funnies

STATUS: Plan to work most of the weekend so it doesn’t feel like a Friday really.

What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? FRIDAY ON MY MIND by The Easybeats

Today’s entry is compliments of my Mom. Nothing to do with publishing but it certainly made me laugh—never a bad thing to do when going into the weekend. Enjoy!