Pub Rants

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Queries—An Inside Scoop (Jana DeLeon’s Query)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I actually spent the day avoiding the phone and emails so I could get some reading done. And I plan to work late tonight. I’m committed to catching up.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND by Sting

I actually find this exercise a little interesting because for the most part, I don’t analyze queries received. I either like it or not and simply ask for sample pages if it works for me.

Next up, Jana DeLeon’s query (and I’m having trouble typing because I’m sitting on my couch and Chutney is insisting on laying her head on the laptop keyboard so I apologize for any uncaught typos etc.).

This project sold to Dorchester and will be coming out in October of 2006. The title remained the same (because it’s a great title and don’t underestimate the value of a good title to win your query some attention). Bland titles are an instant turn off and if I end up thinking, “what a yucky title,” that can be a strike against you—although I’ll still give the query a look.

November 8, 2004

Kristin Nelson
Nelson Literary Agency, LLC
1020 15th Street
Suite 26L
Denver, CO 80202

Dear Ms. Nelson:

I have recently completed a 93,000-word humorous romantic suspense novel entitled Rumble on the Bayou, and I hope you might consider me for your list.
Of course I wouldn’t have known that when I read the query but Jana is definitely a straight-to-the-point kind of gal and this opening sentence would indicate that. Why beat around the bush when you can go straight to the story blurb. I know enough to orient me.

The only suggestion I would add is this: it might have been nice if Jana mentioned that her work was not unlike Stephanie Bond’s stuff because it is and the comparison would have benefited her.

Secrets have been buried in Gator Bait, Louisiana for over thirty years, but someone is about to blow the lid off of them and rock this sleepy little town. How can you not love a town named Gator Bait? Right off I found this little tidbit so fun and interesting. Not to mention, she cut right to the secret that’s about to upset a small town. I know something is going to happen. Now I’m expecting, in the next few sentences, that she’ll elaborate on what and I’m not disappointed. Dorie Berenger likes her life just the way it is—simple, easy, relaxed. Serving as both Game Warden and Deputy in her hometown of Gator Bait meets her needs nicely, until DEA agent Richard Starke shows up—abrupt, demanding and far too attractive for this one-horse town. Soon he’s complicating everything, from her job to her self-imposed ban on relationships, and Dorie wants him out of her hair as soon as possible. I love the focus on the sexual tension between these two characters. Now I can assume that DEA agent Starke is coming to town because of the secret that is unfolding and she really actually doesn’t reveal too much about it. But remember when I mentioned yesterday that a query letter doesn’t have to be perfect to win a look. There’s a good spark here so I asked for sample pages because I liked the idea of something set in Louisiana and the tone she’s captured in the query.

Rumble on the Bayou is a humorous look at what happens when big city crime visits small town mentality. This solidifies it for me. I love when there is an external conflict to layer on the relationship conflict and this one is certainly one to create more sparks flying. It received an Honorable Mention in the 2004 Daphne du Maurier contest and second place in the 2004 TARA First Impressions Contest. Always good to know that it drew some notice.

I am a member of Romance Writers of America, Dallas Area Romance Authors, and Sisters in Crime. I spent the first twenty-one years of my life among the bayous and marshes of southwest Louisiana. I love this last tidbit. Louisiana is a special place and not just anybody can write about it well. Jana highlights that she knows the territory intimately because she grew up there. She has creditability. That detail wins her extra points in my book.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Jana DeLeon

I thought it might be fun to include the back cover copy for RUMBLE so you can see some details that might have made Jana’s original query stronger if she had included it. It still got my attention but I think if you are reading this blog and trying to learn the art of a query, it might be helpful if I point some stuff out.

GATOR AID
Deputy Dorie Berenger knew it was going to be a rough day when the alligator she found in the town drunk’s swimming pool turned out to be stoned. On heroin. Now she has some big-shot city slicker from the DEA trying to take over her turf. And Agent Richard Starke is everything she’d feared—brash, demanding and way too handsome for his own good. Or hers.

The folks of Gator Bait, Louisiana, may know everything about each other, but they’re sure not going to share it with an outsider. Richard wouldn’t be able to catch a catfish, much less a drug smuggler, without Dorie’s help. But some secrets—and some desires—are buried so deep that bringing them to the surface will take a major
RUMBLE ON THE BAYOU

If you notice, the first paragraph of the back cover copy basically makes it clear why DEA agent Richard Starke is coming to town. Not only that, but it gives us some nuances about the quirky little town of Gator Bait. There’s a gator in a swimming pool of the town drunk. And the gator’s stoned. Hilarious.

The second paragraph really sets up the externally conflict nicely. It’s Gator Bait against the brash outsider and you know these two are going to have to knock heads, hearts, and their libidos, to get anything accomplished.

How fun is that.

The mention of the secret is saved till last. It’s an extra enticement.

And that’s what I recommend to folks writing queries. Really capture the essence of your story in one or two short paragraphs—not unlike the back cover copy of a novel. After all, that copy is designed to snag a reader in the bookstore so it can serve the same function for an agent who is trying to envision this work in a bookstore.

Queries—An Inside Scoop (Lisa Shearin’s Query)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s a very good day because I after much work, a project sold and my client is just thrilled to pieces and that’s the best part of this job.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? PAPER MOON by Natalie Cole

At the risk of infringing on Evil Editor’s territory, it occurred to me that I could, with permission, post some of my clients’ query letters and really give y’all a rundown of what worked for me.

The good majority of my authors had never published before I took them on and sold their first book. It happens quite often. And even though I teach a query workshop that gives good tips on how to write a good pitch paragraph blurb about your work, there are no hard and fast rules of what will absolutely make an agent request sample pages.

I think most aspiring writers are looking for some sort of golden key. If I do XYZ, I’ll get a that request and hey, that’s the first step to getting a full manuscript request and on from there.

If there is a golden key, it’s this: write a really good query letter and then follow that up with a lot of writing talent in your manuscript.

So what makes a good one?

Tough question.

So, I’m just going to jump in and show you the actual queries my clients’ sent and I’ll give you some commentary on how I responded to them. Take what you will out of that and apply it to your query. If nothing else, you’ll learn something from the process (or I flatter myself you will) of watching my brain in action while I read a query. And I’m just one agent. Another agent might not have liked this query at all. So subjective. However, even if an agent didn’t respond to this query, they would probably acknowledge that it was well done.

Just to be clear. These are the actual query letters received via email. I didn’t gussy them up or anything. It’s exactly what each client wrote to me. As I share over the next few days, I want you to notice that no letter is perfect. As agents, we aren’t looking for perfection. We’re looking for connection, a spark that this interests us, and that’s hard to define.

So first up is Lisa Shearin’s query for THIEF OF SOULS. This project sold to Ace Books (which is a fantasy imprint at Penguin Group publishing). This novel is coming out next year in June 2007 and was renamed MAGIC LOST, TROUBLE FOUND.

Dear Ms. Nelson,
Hooray, she got my name right. I get a lot of queries that say Dear Mr. Nelson or better yet, Dear Jenny Bent.

I read on Publishers Marketplace that you’re interested in female-oriented fantasy. I think that Thief of Souls, the first novel in my fantasy detective series, might interest you.
Short and sweet but shows she did, at least, a little bit of research about me and what I’m looking for.

What if you suddenly have a largely unknown, potentially unlimited power? What if that power just might eat your soul for breakfast, lunch and dinner? What if every magical mobster and sicko sorcerer in town wants that power? And what if you can’t get rid of it?
Normally I’m not a big fan of what I call the “what if” questions starting the query but let me tell you what got me in this letter. I just loved the tone. The power might eat my soul for breakfast? Mobster, sicko? These are fun terms to be kicking around for a fantasy novel. I perked up immediately. Right away it felt different to me, and I was ready for the longer pitch blurb that’s just about to follow.

That’s Raine Benares’ problem. She’s a Seeker — a finder of things lost and people missing. Most of what she’s hired to find doesn’t get lost by itself. It has help. Dependable help. I’m so tickled. I love the phrase “most of what she’s hired to find doesn’t get lost by itself.” Help she can depend on to use blades or bolts or magical means to keep what they went to all the trouble to get. Perfect fun tone (which matches the novel she wrote). I know this isn’t epic fantasy. It has an urban, lighter feel yet I’m getting all the necessary information about the main character and the role she is going to play in the story. When her sometime partner steals an amulet from a local necromancer, Raine ends up with the amulet and the trouble that’s hot on its heels. What looks like a plain silver disk turns out to be a lodestone to an ancient soul-stealing stone, a stone that seemingly every magical mobster in the city wants — as well as a few heavy-hitters from out-of-town: goblins of the Khrynsani Order, their sadistic high priest, Guardians of the Conclave of Sorcerers, the goblin king and his renegade brother, and an elven spellsinger of dubious motives. Here’s the conflict and I love how she sums up the people who are looking for it as a way of clarifying the problem of being in possession of this amulet and how the plot will unfold. People Raine doesn’t want to have notice her, let alone have to outrun or outwit. She likes attention as much as the next girl, but this is the kind she can do without. “She likes attention as much as the next girl!” I know I’m getting a modern voice with this fantasy blend. It’s subtle and well done.

Then there’s what the amulet is doing to her. New and improved magical abilities sound good in theory, but Raine thinks her soul is a little much to pay for resume enhancement. More story conflict info but notice Lisa sticks with the tone she adopted. It’s not repetitive yet adds some depth to the story. And when she tries to take the amulet off, the amulet tries to take her out. Very hard-boiled sounding Soon Raine starts to wonder if her spells, steel and street smarts will keep her alive long enough to find a way to get rid of the amulet before it, or anyone else, gets rid of her. And the worst part? She isn’t even getting paid. It’s enough to make a girl consider a career change.

Thief of Souls is my first novel. Done. There’s no lamenting that she’s never been published. She has no other credentials to offer so she doesn’t. I loved the query so far so I really don’t mind the lack here. I’m an editor at an advertising agency, with prior experience in corporate communications and marketing. A little tidbit about her that personalizes a little but since it doesn’t really relate to her novel, she keeps it brief and that’s fine.

I’d be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Professional wrap- up. I want to see 30 pages without having to think too hard about it. I’m sold on her tone that I know will be mirrored in her writing.

Regards,

Lisa Shearin

Tale of Two Queries

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s still early. A fire could erupt at any time but I’m hoping to get some reading in this morning. Unusual for during the day but I’m waiting for some contracts to arrive so I can’t work on them yet.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? JUST YOU WAIT by Kiri Te Kanawa from the My Fair Lady Soundtrack

My brand-spanking new author, Sherry Thomas is giving a query tutorial (comparing two of her letters) over at her new blogspot and if you are an author currently navigating the query waters, I strongly recommend you give that a look.

Why?

Because Sherry’s query to me just outright rocked.

It was so good that when the sample pages arrived, Sara and I read them right away. The next day we asked for the full. When the full arrived, Sara read it that night and popped in on Friday morning and said, “drop everything. You need to read this RIGHT now.”

So I did. I stayed home on a Friday night to start reading SCHEMES OF LOVE. Got up early on Saturday to finish and then called Sherry, on a Saturday, to offer representation.

After a little tweaking that Sherry wrapped up in under two weeks, I submitted SCHEMES on a Monday. By that Thursday, I had an initial offer. By that following Tuesday, two publishing houses spontaneously submitted pre-empts.

We ended up accepting a pre-empt offer from Bantam on that Wednesday.

Sold–a week and two days from first submit to publisher.

25 days (literally) from receiving the initial query, to reading the sample pages, to requesting and reading the full, to selling the novel to Bantam.

And it all started with a really good query letter.

You might as well learn from a master so take advantage of what Sherry is offering.

What Writers Shouldn’t Stress About (The bio)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Happy to be back in the office for a good long time. I plan to get caught up on everything I’ve been behind on. Yippee. I’m sure there is much rejoicing from my clients too. Are you done traveling yet hasn’t been asked but I’m sure was on all their minds!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WITCHY WOMAN by The Eagles

Sometimes I’m constantly amazed by what writers stress about in their query letters.

I imagine Miss Snark and other blogs have addressed this already but time for my own take. I know Miss S has talked about her frustration with writers obsessing about font size and type and the best one, the brightness of the paper used for the sample pages.

As long as it’s clean, neat, and not strange to read, it really doesn’t matter much. All decisions will be made based on the quality of the writing. Even if the submission smells like an ashtray (tough because I HATE the smell of cigarette smoke but I still hold the pages a foot away to give them a read).

But the latest obsession that I’ve been privy to is writers obsessing about what to include in the bio section of the query letter.

Stop. This isn’t rocket science.

I’ll start with telling you what not to include.

TMI

Too Much Information. If the detail could be considered so, don’t include. My favorite? The guy who wrote a query and included in his bio that he was gay for so many years (and gave the dates), was cured (but it took several years and he gave those dates), and is now happily married (and included those dates).

And no, this wasn’t a nonfiction project for the Christian/Inspirational market on how to stop being gay. It was for a novel and the concept of being gay (or not) was not part of the story line.

TMI absolutely.

Don’t include that.

All of you have innate common sense (or the good majority of us do). What would your common sense tell you to include?

Length? What do you think? If you are new, one short paragraph. Previously published authors can certainly include a bullet point outline of publishing history (book titles, publisher, year published) if they are looking to move agents but that would be a separate list)

Publishing history if you have any. If you don’t have any, for goodness sake, don’t harp on it. Keep it short. Like “XYZ is my first novel.” Short and sweet. I’ve taken on NUMEROUS debut authors and have sold them just fine.

Nonfiction pubs okay to include but they don’t hold a lot of weight when selling a novel. A must-have if you are shopping an NF proposal.

Do you have any background or experience that lends credence to your story? You might have a degree in horticulture/botany and your heroine is a botanist helping to solve a mystery.

That would be a good detail to include. It directly relates to the concept in your novel.

Otherwise include something like “I currently live in XYZ city with my spouse, two kids, and the pet hamster.”

I like a little personal detail. It humanizes you.

Other than that, don’t obsess. Just consult with your CS. It won’t lead you wrong.

When the Agent Says Good-bye

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s Friday and I’m off to the family reunion fish fry.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? No music at the moment

So today’s entry is short and sweet.

I promised to reveal some tips and thoughts from our Agent Cartel panel at RWA. Well, yesterday’s entry was one of them—it just so happened that I had the event happen to me recently.

As for the reverse, I’ve actually never fired a client. When I take someone on, it’s with the idea that I’ll get a chance to rep them for their whole career. Now, that doesn’t always happen.

A client might decide to move in a different direction (like become a thriller writer) and I would be a terrible agent for him or her. In the first year of my agency, I was handling some self-help, sports, and history nonfiction. As the agency grew, I realized that my passion was truly with fiction and decided to stop pursuing those kinds of projects (unless for current clients who mainly write fiction). Jennifer O’Connell obviously comes to mind because I did sell a chick lit divorce book for her and was happy to do so but it is unlikely that I would have taken on a new client with that type of project.

And I still rep my history writer as well but chances are good he may in the future want an agent who specializes more in that field and if that’s the case, I’ll do my best to hook him up.

I’ve also had a client stop writing altogether and disappear without leaving any forwarding information. I have no idea how to contact the person. And after 2 or 3 years, even though there wasn’t a formal certified letter sent, I’ll assume that our relationship has terminated.

But agents also say goodbye and from the stories on the comment threads, it sounds like they haven’t handled it any better. Sounds like we all could use a new goodbye paradigm.

Saying Goodbye to Your Agent

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Unbelievable but true. I’m traveling again. This time not for business. A family reunion in Milwaukee. In truth, I just want to work for the next 2 weeks solid and get caught up rather than travel (sad but true)! I’m so happy that there are no other trips scheduled until October.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? My sister-in-law is playing a song on a baby toy. Don’t recognize the tune. My new nephew (Toby) is 6 months old.

Two weeks ago I was fired.

It came out of the blue via a certified letter. I’ve had a couple of weeks to get used to it but it still hurts—although it happens to all agents at any given time in our career.

But let me clarify. It doesn’t hurt because she fired me; it hurts because she didn’t talk to me first. We didn’t get a chance to discuss any issues nor did I have an opportunity to fix what was wrong. I had no idea that she was considering it.

And actually, to give my former client her due, it was a really nice letter. She really acknowledged all the time we spent together doing revisions etc. In fact, I don’t think it was a bad move on her part. She was one of the first clients I took on (in the infancy of my agency) and even though I shopped two of her manuscripts, I never could sell her.

Maybe what she really needs is a fresh perspective to really jumpstart where she is in her career. I totally respect that.

But darn it, I feel like I failed her and I have to rant just a little about the certified-letter approach.

I know the agenting/author relationship is a strange one. After all, agenting is the only job I know where the agent chooses whether a client hires her or not and the client doesn’t get to decide until offered. In that context, that is a little odd. But if you, as the author, are thinking about walking, why wouldn’t you talk with the agent first before taking that step? It’s a tiny bit of consideration and I’m sure that if the circumstances were reversed and you were about to be fired from your job, you’d want a chat or a heads up first, right?

Now wait. I know you are all planning to jump in here and say stuff like, “I can’t get my agent to return my phone calls or emails,” or “my agent embezzled my money or is a drunk” or anything else equally reprehensible.

If that’s the case, I certainly don’t blame you for walking and power to you for doing it. I’m talking about agents who have worked hard and have been communicative. Who have done their jobs to the best of their ability.

It’s okay to want to leave. I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind a phone call first. At the very least, allow me to say good-bye and good luck.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It has become clear to me that I need to start working some late nights. It’s the only way I can catch up on my reading.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? YOU’RE GONNA TO LOSE THAT GIRL by The Beatles

I promise. Last shots from RWA. Tomorrow I’ll get back to ranting. Sneak peeks and tips from our Literary Agent Cartel panel on Saturday. Should make for some good rants.

Just in case folks out there don’t think agents are real people who like to have fun, here are some candid shots from the always-fun Harlequin party at the Ritz-Carlton.

For the first time, I have party favors I might actually be able to use. They are little wineglass charms. Nice!

Agents Lucienne Diver and Jennifer Jackson shake their groove thing

Three’s company! Agents who like to dance: Lucienne Diver, Me, and Carolyn Grayson

Proof of Agent Camaraderie

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Back to normal with all the hectic catch up from being out of the office for a week.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? LOVE IS LOVE by Culture Club

So last week I did a little rant on Agents and competition.

Here’s some great proof that some agents really operate differently. Here are pictures of me at the Knight Agency Anniversary party.

If Deidre were the paranoid type, she’d never invite an outside agent to her celebration but she knows that the word “poaching” ain’t part of my vocabulary.

I had a great time celebrating with my dear agent friend and I had a great time partying with her clients.

So I thought I would share some candid shots:

Kristin and Deidre share a moment

Susan Grant (author of YOUR PLANET OR MINE?) & Diana Peterfreund (SECRET SOCIETY GIRL) on the Knight Agency Party Bus

Marley’s date (and darn I can’t remember his name!), Marley Gibson (author of a young collegiate sorority sisters series debuting in 2008), Diana’s Brother, Diana, & agent Nephele Tempest

GABRIEL’S GHOST Wins the RITA Award

by Kristin Nelson

Linnea & Kristin toast the RITA

STATUS: Still on the Moon from the weekend in Atlanta!

What song is playing on the iPod right now? I KEEP FORGETTIN’ by Michael McDonald (But seriously, as much as I love Michael McDonald, I can’t help but think of the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and the whole sales floor episode.)

HUGE, HUGE NEWS!

The dark horse comes out of nowhere to win the RITA for Best Paranormal Romance.

(For those of you not tuned in to the world of Romance writers and readers, the RITA is the top award in the field—like a Hugo or Nebula for SF & F—it’s on par with that. It’s a big deal.)

Linnea and I are still surprised, stunned, and ecstatically happy!

In fact, Linnea was so convinced that she wasn’t going to win, she didn’t even prepare an acceptance speech. She had to go up on stage and tell it from the heart extemporaneously.

After all, we were finalists with some major heavies in the genre such as Catherine Asaro, Heather Graham, and Teresa Medeiros.

Not to mention Jen Holling, Pamela Labud, and Marjorie Liu.

Then add up-and-comers like J.R. Ward—well, we honestly were just pleased to have finaled in such great company. That in itself was an honor.

Then to win with nary a witch, vampire, werewolf, or a ghost in the traditional sense in sight was truly unexpected. (If you read Linnea’s novel, you’ll discover the real meaning of Gabriel’s Ghost—which isn’t a spirit by any means).

And don’t get me wrong, I love all the above paranormal elements but I figured our entry was so different (and not what’s currently the hot trend), that we were the young upstart.

Besides, who wins on their first RITA nomination?

Linnea Sinclair does and if you love paranormal romance and you haven’t given GG a try, I really encourage you to do so. You won’t be disappointed.

More RWA pictures and fun tips to come this week so stay tuned.

Enduring Themes in Chick Lit

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I’m getting ready for my workshop on Jane Austen and Chick Lit with Shanna Swendson that will be happening in 45 minutes! Why am I blogging?

What song is playing on the iPod right now? Radio isn’t on! That would require a dash across the room to make it happen.

I’m constantly amazed at synchronicity in the world.

Here we are. Shanna and Kristin in Atlanta getting ready to talk about classic themes in Jane Austen and how you can use these guiding principles to really break into the market of chick lit today—to create a more complex story, timeless in nature, that women would want to read.

And here is Bookseller Chick talking about chick lit books on her blog, at what happened to the readers, and where is the future.

Three smart chicks I’m thinking.

So here’s a little snippet (or preview if you will) of what Shanna and I will be talking about at our workshop.

You can take any Jane Austen movie, pick your favorite, and analyze the main heroine’s place in her society, her expectations, and what she needs to be or do to create independence and by doing so, you’ll start seeing the timeless threads that can then be incorporated to a contemporary story.

For example, in Jane Austen’s stories, her heroines need to get married to find financial safety.

Well, some ladies are still pursuing that route but what is a more contemporary spin on that? Doesn’t that just get the wheels turning!

Jane Austen tackles the dilemma of how to stay happily single (and wedded to one’s principles) when your friend gets married (P&P—Plain friend Charlotte marries the very respectable—on paper anyway—Mr. Collins.)

Jane Austen tackles women meddling in other women’s lives (Emma—Emma and her kindly but interfering ministrations to Harriet).

Jane Austen tackles the craziness and disparate personalities of families (P&P and S&S).

But ultimately, chick lit is the contemporary social observation with satiric wit. Completely timeless if you understand the depth of that voice to really carry out a social critique.

Now I have to go say all these things, albeit more articulately, in front of hopefully a large group of writers.

Happy Friday All!