Pub Rants

Category: Query Letters

Referrals & Recommendations—It’s All About Context

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: You’ll never believe it, but I was a holiday shopping maniac today. I promised myself I would get it done early and this is the first time in years that I kept that promise. I feel so jubilant.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? And there wasn’t even one note of holiday music anywhere.

Ah, yesterday’s post got the query world panicking. Obviously I need to do some clarifying about referrals, recommendations, and all that stuff in between.

A referral is when a client calls or emails me and asks, “May I send this writer your way?”

It’s straightforward and I’m on the lookout for the query. The person being referred knows that the current client is going to contact me etc.

A suspect name drop is really obvious as well—it’s usually from a writer who has a project in a genre I don’t represent. Or the wording of the query is odd and open for interpretation. Don’t worry that you are mistakenly sending out suspect name drop queries because the difference is pretty clear.

However, it’s the gray area in recommendations that’s causing consternation, so let’s tackle that.

A recommendation can be done in passing at a conference as in “my agent is terrific, you should query her” or “yes, it was lovely to meet you and yes, you can use my name when contacting my agent so-n-so.”

The trick for using these types of recommendations appropriately is simply in how you word it in your query.

Don’t use “Previously Published Author recommended I contact you regarding my project.”

This is accurate, true, but it doesn’t give any context to the recommendation. Context is what makes the difference in the query letter when name dropping.

I’ve gotten the above so many times and when I’ve asked my clients, most of them said something like, “oh yeah, I met that person at XYZ and they asked who my agent was.”

That was the extent of the conversation and then that writer interpreted it as having permission to use my client’s name in the context of a recommendation.

It’s a stretch.

Do use “I met Previously Published Author at such-n-such conference and she suggested that you might be interested in my project because you rep XYZ genre. She gave me permission to use her name when contacting you.”

It’s honest, in context, and I will take your query seriously. You’re not over-playing the name drop in any way.

You can also use “I met your client INSERT NAME at the such-n-such conference and she had nothing but positive things to say about you, which is why I’m sending you my query…”

It’s not a recommendation per se but it’s the reason why you decided to query me. I like that. It’s straightforward.

I’m a Midwesterner. We like forthright.

So what I’m saying is that as long as you have included the appropriate context regarding the recommendation, then you aren’t going wrong with the name drop. You won’t be considered suspect.

It’s just those queries that are stretching the definition of recommendation that are problematic. And trust me, those are so obvious they might as well come with a neon sign that says “suspect name dropping.”

Name Dropping

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I actually worked a good portion of the morning but now I’m off to have a little fun.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? I could totally use a little music right now.

None of my blog readers would ever think to stretch the truth—as in writing “requested material” on a submission package that wasn’t requested or name drop one of my clients and pretend that person recommended them. You guys are fun, savvy, and honest. So really, this blog isn’t really for my loyal readers.

Right?

Right.

But it happens anyway so I want to let you in on a little secret. If you’ve ever been tempted, don’t do it. You won’t get away with a sneaky name drop. Why? Because, when clients recommend a writer to me, they call or email me to give me a heads up.

All other name drops are considered suspect. The writer may indeed have talked to my client about me but that doesn’t mean my client offered a personal recommendation. And yet, I receive name-dropped recommendation queries often enough (and if I were to chat with my client, he or she would more than likely be horrified that their name was used).

And here’s the flipside. Perhaps you have received a legitimate recommendation offer from an agent’s client. You need to coordinate it then. Have the client contact the agent first. Once that step has been done, and you know it has occurred, then you call or send your email (for me, it’s usually by email).

Because then I’ll actually be awaiting your contact and will recognize the name immediately upon arrival. That query will get first look over all the other queries awaiting attention.

And yes, there is a lot of power in a client recommendation. I do give those submissions prompt, serious consideration and in fact, not four weeks ago I took on a new author because of a client referral.

As for suspect queries, if they are obviously not a match for me (so why would my client refer such a person?), it’s an auto NO. Sometimes I check with my clients to be certain before responding (and usually they are mortified). If that’s the case, well then, the writer has started off on a dishonest note and I’m not real open to moving forward—even if the project might sound promising.

And that’s something to think about.

Four Months Too Late

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I’m on vacation so I’m enjoying myself. I went to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in a while.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? Nada

When I’m out of the office during the work week, I always call in to check messages—just in case an editor tries to reach me by phone instead of by email. Sure enough, an editor had left a message so I got in touch with her via my mobile phone. There’s always a little bit of work that needs to be attended to—even on vacation.

But there was yet another voicemail for me. It was from a person who had equeried me back in early July, had never received a response and was now calling, four months later, to see if maybe it had been spam blocked.

Ah, a good moment to be educational I think (and if you truly believe that was my first thought, I’ve got some great property to sell 50 miles west of Naples, Florida…)

Always check the agency website first. Some agents only respond to email queries if they are interested. All others go unanswered. Or, many agencies have an FAQ section on the website with the answer to this question, as I do.

For example, on the Nelson Literary Agency website, it says quite clearly that we respond in 5 to 10 days to queries, sometimes it may take longer. It’s not going to take four months longer. There’s even an FAQ for the problem of not receiving a response from us.

So…

If you’ve sent a query four months ago and didn’t receive a reply and you know the agency does respond to all email queries, what does your common sense recommend you do?

a. Call the agency and ask if we remember reading your query four months ago and did it get spam blocked

or

b. Simply assume the query was lost or the response not received and simply resend the query by email

Oh, good readers, this politely ranting agent would like to suggest answer “b.”

Clichés Unleashed

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: TGIF. I’m off on vaca all next week but will probably still blog since I won’t be off in distant lands or anything.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? THE ONE THING by INXS

Before anyone gets too comfy, it’s not just the romance queries that lapse into the cliché. All the genres have their lingo but I think Fantasy has to be the next biggest culprit.

So here is my list of Bingo catch phrases for the realms of fantasy:

beloved/fresh characters

completely unique world

the plot thickens

as the journey unfolds

tempted by evil

fast-paced

group of unlikely heroes

unwilling heir to the throne

unwilling pawns

a power he didn’t know he had

unleashed evil

the last hope/restoring hope

story of survival

on the brink of darkness

bound by their fates

destiny in life

forced together in a quest

And yes, yes. I know many of these phrases capture common themes in fantasy but you folks are good writers. You just need to work a little harder to nail those pitch paragraphs.

Happy Friday!

Swept Up Into The Arms of Cliché

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Busy but good. I have two projects that will be going out the week after my vacation and I’m very excited about them both.

What’s playing on the iPod right now? LOVE ME LIKE A MAN by Bonnie Raitt

I’m a big fan of the Dilbert cartoons. There is this one strip where Dilbert and his office colleagues are in a meeting with the pointy-hair boss diligently taking “notes” when Wally quietly says, “Bingo.”

Makes me laugh every time. For those of you who haven’t seen the strip, they all have “bingo” cards with office jargon and they cover a square for every cliché the boss says and Wally manages to win within the opening five words of the meeting.

Sometimes I feel that way when reading romance queries. BINGO!

There seems to be an excessive use of romance jargon that writers like to include when writing their query letters and all I can say is the more common the phrase, the more generic the query reads. And you don’t want anything tilting the agent reading to a NO.

So here are some of my Bingo phrases when reading:

a beautiful but feisty…

the dashing and wealthy heir

independent, strong willed woman

alpha male

rekindled passion

her world crashing down around her

tortured soul

face her past

time running out

See if you can eliminate and rejuvenate. There are certainly others and I’ll have to start keeping a running list for future blogs.

Queries—An Inside Scoop (Sherry Thomas’s Query)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: Sara and I were work machines today. I still have a long way before catching up (mostly reading client materials at the moment). But there is a flicker of light in the tunnel.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? YOU’RE SO VAIN by Carly Simon (That’s a classic and what a great song!)

Since it really was Sherry’s blog that started this whole query rant, it’s time for her query to go up to bat.

A little info that I’ve already posted previously but hey, I’ll repeat myself here. From the arrival of the first query to reading sample pages to reading the full to offering representation to selling Sherry’s novel: 25 days.

It sold in a pre-empt to Bantam in a good deal (Pub lunch terms) and will be released in fall 2007.

Without further ado, here is what I was thinking when I read Sherry’s query.

Dear Ms. Nelson,

I’m a faithful reader of your blog. I admire your enthusiasm, your humor, and your candor. She reads my blog! Okay, I really shouldn’t be swayed by such flattery but hey, I’m human. Since you represent all subgenres of romance, I’d like you to consider Schemes of Love, my historical romance set in late Victorian England. The manuscript is complete at 100,000 words. Nice orientation to her novel.

Gigi’s marriage is doomed from the moment she decides that she must have Camden, by fair means or foul. How can I resist? Right off we know the fall our main heroine is going to take. Talk about flawed and therefore, immediately interesting. Camden, who has come to adore Gigi, discovers her deceit on the eve of their wedding. Shattered, he responds in kind, gives her a tender, unforgettable wedding night, then coldly leaves her in the morning, devastating her. Ah yes, two souls who have now done two wrongs. It’s a romance; I must know how they will make this right. Seriously though, this is such an intriguing set up and combined with the paragraph below, it’s something I’ve never seen before and folks, I read a lot of romance queries and sample pages. It’s hard to find something wholly original and fresh.

As the story opens, it is ten years later. Gigi has petitioned for divorce in order to remarry. Camden returns to England and sets the condition for her freedom: an heir. I’m sold. Didn’t even need to read more. She wants a divorce. He wants a child. Hum… sounds like an intense conflict to me. Despite the years and the sea of bad blood, the physical attraction between them remains as ferocious as ever. Big hint this work is going to be sensual and boy, is it—in very different ways. There’s a sex scene in the novel (and I can’t give it away) unlike anything I’ve ever read anywhere. That’s saying something. Though they each vow to make the act of procreation a cold, clinical one, the overwhelming pleasure of their marriage bed soon makes it apparent that the enterprise is fraught with emotional peril, for both of them. Oops. Two characters who think they don’t like each other but have great sex. What more could I want? Seriously, notice the wonderful cadence of Sherry’s language here: “Though they each vow to make the act of procreation a cold, clinical one, the overwhelming pleasure of their marriage bed soon makes it apparent that the enterprise is fraught with emotional peril, for both of them.” That’s some gorgeous writing and it’s only her query letter I’m reading. If you notice, the whole query is like that, and the novel doesn’t disappoint either.

In an atmosphere thick with mistrust, desire, and incipient hope, they are torn between the need to safeguard their hearts and the yearning to reach out across the chasm of ancient mistakes. May favorite kind of construct. As they rediscover the easy rapport they’d once shared, they must decide whether to let the bygones rule the future, or to love despite their painful past and forge a new life together. I don’t know about you but I’m totally rooting for them to let bygones be bygones.

Schemes of Love recently placed first in its category at the Merritt Contest, organized by San Antonio Romance Authors. Excellent. It has received recognition. Chris Keeslar at Dorchester has requested the full. And editor interest! This actually isn’t a big deal for me because it seems like editors request everything but hey, it doesn’t hurt. Another one of my manuscripts has won the Romantic Elements category of the 2005 On the Far Side contest, hosted by the Fantasy, Futuristic, and Paranormal Chapter of the RWA. Some other credentials and shows a little diversity from just the Historical stuff.

Thank you for your time. I hope very much to work with you and look forward to hearing from you. And she did, quite quickly. Big smile here.

Sherry Thomas

Queries—An Inside Scoop (Jana DeLeon’s Query)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: I actually spent the day avoiding the phone and emails so I could get some reading done. And I plan to work late tonight. I’m committed to catching up.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND by Sting

I actually find this exercise a little interesting because for the most part, I don’t analyze queries received. I either like it or not and simply ask for sample pages if it works for me.

Next up, Jana DeLeon’s query (and I’m having trouble typing because I’m sitting on my couch and Chutney is insisting on laying her head on the laptop keyboard so I apologize for any uncaught typos etc.).

This project sold to Dorchester and will be coming out in October of 2006. The title remained the same (because it’s a great title and don’t underestimate the value of a good title to win your query some attention). Bland titles are an instant turn off and if I end up thinking, “what a yucky title,” that can be a strike against you—although I’ll still give the query a look.

November 8, 2004

Kristin Nelson
Nelson Literary Agency, LLC
1020 15th Street
Suite 26L
Denver, CO 80202

Dear Ms. Nelson:

I have recently completed a 93,000-word humorous romantic suspense novel entitled Rumble on the Bayou, and I hope you might consider me for your list.
Of course I wouldn’t have known that when I read the query but Jana is definitely a straight-to-the-point kind of gal and this opening sentence would indicate that. Why beat around the bush when you can go straight to the story blurb. I know enough to orient me.

The only suggestion I would add is this: it might have been nice if Jana mentioned that her work was not unlike Stephanie Bond’s stuff because it is and the comparison would have benefited her.

Secrets have been buried in Gator Bait, Louisiana for over thirty years, but someone is about to blow the lid off of them and rock this sleepy little town. How can you not love a town named Gator Bait? Right off I found this little tidbit so fun and interesting. Not to mention, she cut right to the secret that’s about to upset a small town. I know something is going to happen. Now I’m expecting, in the next few sentences, that she’ll elaborate on what and I’m not disappointed. Dorie Berenger likes her life just the way it is—simple, easy, relaxed. Serving as both Game Warden and Deputy in her hometown of Gator Bait meets her needs nicely, until DEA agent Richard Starke shows up—abrupt, demanding and far too attractive for this one-horse town. Soon he’s complicating everything, from her job to her self-imposed ban on relationships, and Dorie wants him out of her hair as soon as possible. I love the focus on the sexual tension between these two characters. Now I can assume that DEA agent Starke is coming to town because of the secret that is unfolding and she really actually doesn’t reveal too much about it. But remember when I mentioned yesterday that a query letter doesn’t have to be perfect to win a look. There’s a good spark here so I asked for sample pages because I liked the idea of something set in Louisiana and the tone she’s captured in the query.

Rumble on the Bayou is a humorous look at what happens when big city crime visits small town mentality. This solidifies it for me. I love when there is an external conflict to layer on the relationship conflict and this one is certainly one to create more sparks flying. It received an Honorable Mention in the 2004 Daphne du Maurier contest and second place in the 2004 TARA First Impressions Contest. Always good to know that it drew some notice.

I am a member of Romance Writers of America, Dallas Area Romance Authors, and Sisters in Crime. I spent the first twenty-one years of my life among the bayous and marshes of southwest Louisiana. I love this last tidbit. Louisiana is a special place and not just anybody can write about it well. Jana highlights that she knows the territory intimately because she grew up there. She has creditability. That detail wins her extra points in my book.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Jana DeLeon

I thought it might be fun to include the back cover copy for RUMBLE so you can see some details that might have made Jana’s original query stronger if she had included it. It still got my attention but I think if you are reading this blog and trying to learn the art of a query, it might be helpful if I point some stuff out.

GATOR AID
Deputy Dorie Berenger knew it was going to be a rough day when the alligator she found in the town drunk’s swimming pool turned out to be stoned. On heroin. Now she has some big-shot city slicker from the DEA trying to take over her turf. And Agent Richard Starke is everything she’d feared—brash, demanding and way too handsome for his own good. Or hers.

The folks of Gator Bait, Louisiana, may know everything about each other, but they’re sure not going to share it with an outsider. Richard wouldn’t be able to catch a catfish, much less a drug smuggler, without Dorie’s help. But some secrets—and some desires—are buried so deep that bringing them to the surface will take a major
RUMBLE ON THE BAYOU

If you notice, the first paragraph of the back cover copy basically makes it clear why DEA agent Richard Starke is coming to town. Not only that, but it gives us some nuances about the quirky little town of Gator Bait. There’s a gator in a swimming pool of the town drunk. And the gator’s stoned. Hilarious.

The second paragraph really sets up the externally conflict nicely. It’s Gator Bait against the brash outsider and you know these two are going to have to knock heads, hearts, and their libidos, to get anything accomplished.

How fun is that.

The mention of the secret is saved till last. It’s an extra enticement.

And that’s what I recommend to folks writing queries. Really capture the essence of your story in one or two short paragraphs—not unlike the back cover copy of a novel. After all, that copy is designed to snag a reader in the bookstore so it can serve the same function for an agent who is trying to envision this work in a bookstore.

Queries—An Inside Scoop (Lisa Shearin’s Query)

by Kristin Nelson

STATUS: It’s a very good day because I after much work, a project sold and my client is just thrilled to pieces and that’s the best part of this job.

What song is playing on the iPod right now? PAPER MOON by Natalie Cole

At the risk of infringing on Evil Editor’s territory, it occurred to me that I could, with permission, post some of my clients’ query letters and really give y’all a rundown of what worked for me.

The good majority of my authors had never published before I took them on and sold their first book. It happens quite often. And even though I teach a query workshop that gives good tips on how to write a good pitch paragraph blurb about your work, there are no hard and fast rules of what will absolutely make an agent request sample pages.

I think most aspiring writers are looking for some sort of golden key. If I do XYZ, I’ll get a that request and hey, that’s the first step to getting a full manuscript request and on from there.

If there is a golden key, it’s this: write a really good query letter and then follow that up with a lot of writing talent in your manuscript.

So what makes a good one?

Tough question.

So, I’m just going to jump in and show you the actual queries my clients’ sent and I’ll give you some commentary on how I responded to them. Take what you will out of that and apply it to your query. If nothing else, you’ll learn something from the process (or I flatter myself you will) of watching my brain in action while I read a query. And I’m just one agent. Another agent might not have liked this query at all. So subjective. However, even if an agent didn’t respond to this query, they would probably acknowledge that it was well done.

Just to be clear. These are the actual query letters received via email. I didn’t gussy them up or anything. It’s exactly what each client wrote to me. As I share over the next few days, I want you to notice that no letter is perfect. As agents, we aren’t looking for perfection. We’re looking for connection, a spark that this interests us, and that’s hard to define.

So first up is Lisa Shearin’s query for THIEF OF SOULS. This project sold to Ace Books (which is a fantasy imprint at Penguin Group publishing). This novel is coming out next year in June 2007 and was renamed MAGIC LOST, TROUBLE FOUND.

Dear Ms. Nelson,
Hooray, she got my name right. I get a lot of queries that say Dear Mr. Nelson or better yet, Dear Jenny Bent.

I read on Publishers Marketplace that you’re interested in female-oriented fantasy. I think that Thief of Souls, the first novel in my fantasy detective series, might interest you.
Short and sweet but shows she did, at least, a little bit of research about me and what I’m looking for.

What if you suddenly have a largely unknown, potentially unlimited power? What if that power just might eat your soul for breakfast, lunch and dinner? What if every magical mobster and sicko sorcerer in town wants that power? And what if you can’t get rid of it?
Normally I’m not a big fan of what I call the “what if” questions starting the query but let me tell you what got me in this letter. I just loved the tone. The power might eat my soul for breakfast? Mobster, sicko? These are fun terms to be kicking around for a fantasy novel. I perked up immediately. Right away it felt different to me, and I was ready for the longer pitch blurb that’s just about to follow.

That’s Raine Benares’ problem. She’s a Seeker — a finder of things lost and people missing. Most of what she’s hired to find doesn’t get lost by itself. It has help. Dependable help. I’m so tickled. I love the phrase “most of what she’s hired to find doesn’t get lost by itself.” Help she can depend on to use blades or bolts or magical means to keep what they went to all the trouble to get. Perfect fun tone (which matches the novel she wrote). I know this isn’t epic fantasy. It has an urban, lighter feel yet I’m getting all the necessary information about the main character and the role she is going to play in the story. When her sometime partner steals an amulet from a local necromancer, Raine ends up with the amulet and the trouble that’s hot on its heels. What looks like a plain silver disk turns out to be a lodestone to an ancient soul-stealing stone, a stone that seemingly every magical mobster in the city wants — as well as a few heavy-hitters from out-of-town: goblins of the Khrynsani Order, their sadistic high priest, Guardians of the Conclave of Sorcerers, the goblin king and his renegade brother, and an elven spellsinger of dubious motives. Here’s the conflict and I love how she sums up the people who are looking for it as a way of clarifying the problem of being in possession of this amulet and how the plot will unfold. People Raine doesn’t want to have notice her, let alone have to outrun or outwit. She likes attention as much as the next girl, but this is the kind she can do without. “She likes attention as much as the next girl!” I know I’m getting a modern voice with this fantasy blend. It’s subtle and well done.

Then there’s what the amulet is doing to her. New and improved magical abilities sound good in theory, but Raine thinks her soul is a little much to pay for resume enhancement. More story conflict info but notice Lisa sticks with the tone she adopted. It’s not repetitive yet adds some depth to the story. And when she tries to take the amulet off, the amulet tries to take her out. Very hard-boiled sounding Soon Raine starts to wonder if her spells, steel and street smarts will keep her alive long enough to find a way to get rid of the amulet before it, or anyone else, gets rid of her. And the worst part? She isn’t even getting paid. It’s enough to make a girl consider a career change.

Thief of Souls is my first novel. Done. There’s no lamenting that she’s never been published. She has no other credentials to offer so she doesn’t. I loved the query so far so I really don’t mind the lack here. I’m an editor at an advertising agency, with prior experience in corporate communications and marketing. A little tidbit about her that personalizes a little but since it doesn’t really relate to her novel, she keeps it brief and that’s fine.

I’d be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Professional wrap- up. I want to see 30 pages without having to think too hard about it. I’m sold on her tone that I know will be mirrored in her writing.

Regards,

Lisa Shearin